Written by Manolith
The more politically correct individuals will cry foul at any mention of double standards or reinforced stereotypes in the division between men and women. The realists out there will simply nod, and even laugh where appropriate, since it’s just plain truth in most cases that certain significant differences to exist between the sexes. There are exceptions to every rule, but for the most part, these 15 points of contention provide for easy ways to perpetuate the rift been the two disparate halves of humanity.
Urinary Protocol
It’s really quite simple: Men have stringent rules they follow to make using the bathroom a quick, efficient, and silent. It’s business, whereas for women, it’s a social event. Women will go to the restroom as a group, and use the time to discuss a full range of topics. Men go as far as to have rules set in place to ensure standardized utilization of personal space, as well as a code of silence and overall conduct when in the restroom with other men. The two schools of practice couldn’t possibly be any more different.
Hygiene Rituals
Take one look in a woman’s purse, or for that matter, notice the fact that women need purses at all, and this one becomes all too clear. A man’s bathroom sink might have a maximum of five items, including soap and a razor, whereas a woman’s bathroom will contain so many beauty products that the sink cannot possibly hold even a fraction of them. There will be a large cache under the sink, behind the mirror, and ringing the tub. The collection will be so immense, that a portion of it will permanently reside in the woman’s purse. Entire cabinets are usually added to the bathroom to hold more, as her collection expands, and all the while she will swear that each item is necessary.
Bedding Requirements
A man can fall asleep anywhere, under any circumstances, and sleep well. Many men even prefer sleeping on the couch, as opposed to using the expensive mattress in the bedroom. In fact, many men’s mattresses are unused unless he has a woman over to share it with him. Women feel the need for not only the softest mattress on the market, but extravagant and voluminous piles of pillows, pillow-tops, and pillowy comforters, each in groups and layers, covering the bed until it no longer presents any sort of usably flat surface to sleep upon. Men usually admit to finding these beds immediately comfortable, but report aching backs for the rest of their lives because of them.
Humor
Men have the uncanny ability to find nearly anything humorous. Funny is funny, and whether the joke is appropriate or not doesn’t matter to most guys. Women, on the other hand, take offense rather quickly if they feel a subject is taboo, and they’re pretty vocal about it. Any man who’s ever worked in an office environment knows this all too well, and many have suffered repercussions from the nagging cubicle-neighbor that overheard the random off-color joke and went to HR about it. This same problem makes women hate most comedy movies guys count as their favorites.
Food
When men go grocery shopping, they basically stock up on meat, and things that enhance meat, like bread, or cheese, or different types of meat for layering with bread and cheese. Men can be perfectly happy eating the same burger, sausage, or steak every night of the week. Women, on the other hand, would rather eat something that looks pretty than tastes like food. They make eating such an ordeal that it becomes a hassle to even bother, and this is partly the reason they are able to cope with eating so little. The compromise between these two views is always interesting as the kitchen-drama plays out in new relationships.
Aesthetics – Colors, Decoration, Design
We look at a blue swatch and call it what it is; blue. Women look at the same swatch and declare it to be periwinkle blue. They then proceed to harangue us for not knowing our basic colors. This same mentality spans the entire gamut of design and aesthetics on a daily basis. Men quickly give up on any notion that they’ll be involved in decorating the house in any way, and find solace in the garage, where the distinct lack of any visually pleasing surfaces acts as a deterrent to most women on a home-makeover binge.
Fashion
Jeans and a t-shirt – the quintessential male uniform. The truly amazing thing about this robust combination of garments is the innate customizability. A man can create any number of combinations by simply changing his shirt. Women will require no less than three closets to hold their expansive wardrobes, and that’s not including the separate shoe-racks that will hang from doors, and take space under the bed. Men will often compete to see who can actually wear the most relaxed outfit as a display of manly comfort, whereas women are in constant competition with each other over who can appear to be the most glamorous of the bunch. They will do this for no apparent reason.
Children and Animals
To put it simply, women mollycoddle children and animals to a ridiculous extent. Kids are babied to the point that they aren’t allowed to get dirty, and dogs are ripped from their nobility and turned into dolls. Men, on the other hand, treat dogs as friends, cats as worthy adversaries, and children as miniature humans who should be held accountable for their own actions. The difference between the two standpoints is staggering.
Automobiles and Driving
The above footage shows, more or less, what every man is trying to say when he proclaims that women cannot drive. On top of that, every single part or piece of equipment on or about an automobile is known to women as a thingy. As for men, these things come a bit more naturally to them.
Technology
Women, for the most part, seem to have a mental block when it comes to handling anything technological with any sort of finesse or intuition. Men will instinctively begin figuring out how equipment works, what it does, what it can do, and what it’s good for, whereas women tend to require instruction, from a man, who preferably wears a name tag. Most women will gladly pay money to a kid in a Geek Squad outfit just to plug three simple wires into the back of her television, even after her male friends explain to her that the wires and plugs are color-coded.
Emotions and Stress
The ways men and women handle stress are fundamentally different. Men generally handle bad situations by reacting in a proactive manner, feeling compelled to find a solution. Women almost invariably have the well-known panic reaction. Proof of this can be had any of the 13 times a day that women can be found crying, inexplicably.
Memories, both Good and Bad
Men have short memories. This sad fact routinely gets us in trouble as we forget the birthdays of our wives, mothers, sisters, even children. It also allows us to forgive and forget, bury the hatchet, and roll with the punches. Women remember everything, and they will never, ever let an issue die. You may forget what you did wrong, but a woman will remind you of it until the day you die. They will hold grudges, whether it’s with you, or their former bff, for years.
Communication
Men will communicate quickly and efficiently, with as little hassle as possible. If it’s easier to relay a message via third party, email, text message, or courier pigeon, then that’s how a man will communicate. Women feel the need to spend roughly one third of their waking hours talking. Whether they’re talking on the phone, or in person, women just plain talk too much. When she’s not busy yapping, she’ll be texting, or emailing, or both simultaneously. Men simply don’t feel the need to spend so much time communicating what doesn’t need to be expressed right away.
Punctuality and Time Sense
Men tend to be on time to planned events. They get to the theater early enough to get a good seat, and they get to the restaurant on time when invited out. Men don’t like being late, because it makes them look like they’re not in control. Women behave the exact polar opposite – they’re simply always late. They make it a point to be as late as possible, at all times, as though it were some sort of gauge for how much work they put into their appearance.
Multitasking and Focus
Women always harp on men for their supposed lack of multitasking prowess, when in reality it’s just that men aren’t as frivolous in their focus. Women insist on doing 47 things at once, without any consideration for the safety of themselves or others. They will constantly talk about how flustered they are, and how they narrowly averted disaster while not paying attention to their surroundings. Some women are just one diagnosis shy of being clinically ADHD, and some have even died due to their inability to focus on one single task.
Was this supposed to be a joke? Not funny.
Haha, so true AND funny.
Jaye Brit, you simultaneously made yourself look like a dipstick AND confirmed what was said in the article in once short sentence. Well done!
she didnt make herself look like a dipstick u jackass! all she said was she didnt find it funny. stupid asshole.
Absolutely brilliant. I loved this. It’s a tad biased, but that’s what life’s all about, right?
Great insight, and great point, Nuffy!
Yes, totally brilliant! Now I’m just putting this out there, but I thought it was funny and well, ummm… I’m a woman. Hmmm, I see we now have a problem. My suggestion, do the same thing. I mean what is sexual haraassment but a chance to grab some ass?
This kind of sexist crap was old in the 90’s. Honestly, was there NOTHING good on the internet today, that you had to perpetuate the tired old ‘women are emotional messes that can’t drive’ and ‘men are good at everything’ memes?
‘Tad bit biased’ doesn’t even begin. This is old (I would believe you if you told me it was written in 1989), it is sexist (every item on the list is framed in from a heterosexual male perspective), and it’s just dumb (I understand the exaggerations are supposed to be funny, and maybe they would be if they were original or fresh in any way). As it stands, everything in this ‘article’ has at one point or another been driven into the ground. The only thing that can come of recycling this garbage is dating yourself and your sense of humor.
I think this is a proof of concept when it comes to the over-emotional nature and ability to get pissed at anything for any reason.
No. It’s proof that this article is decried bullshit. You saying that is an “over reaction” just proves that men are insensitive assholes who think that everything is inferior to them. We only need you for what you have in your sack. The rest of your gender is useless.
…Yes, men are useless… Of course, except for the men who invented and/or discovered the telephone, the airplane, cars, light bulbs, steam engines, calculus, bacteriology, physics, televisions, Western medicine… and the computer and internet you’re using to talk shit about them. For every female inventor/scientist/philosopher, there are twenty male inventors/scientists/philosophers. And no, that isn’t just because “women didn’t have access to education.” It’s because men and women are different. So stop being so uptight, interpreting every light joke as an insult to your sex, and just learn to laugh at yourself. Oh, and… I’m a woman.
And as you can tell from Nuffy’s comment above, even though this is CLEARLY supposed to be a joke, stupid people WILL use it as evidence to support their own sexist ideas.
Brilliant post!
Well written.
haha this is toatally hilarious.. and all u insecure heaps of DNA will run crying toward sexism or feminism to tell them it isn’t true.. hahahha hilarious!!!
so what you mean to say is that women are better at everything else while men are good only at being drivers and mechanics.. is that right? ๐
Hey this seems a lot like women bashing here – looks like someone broke up with his girlfriend and wants to take it out on here on the internet.
@ lol,
No, what it means to say is that men are good at everything, but women are only good at getting dolled-up and causing accidents.
Jaye Brit, I think you just proved their point about humor.
to be fair, i didnt really find this funny
and even if it does rinse woman, it makes guys sound like tools, we’re never late and we dont dress well and we have short term memories? lol fuck off.
whoever wrote this was probably on some weak attempt at racking up man points because the penis attachment surgery failed to replace his axewound.
quit being so salty ppl. don’t try and deny some of these things aren’t true.
“Jaye Brit, I think you just proved their point about humor.”
I follow bspcn.com but have no sense of humor because i find this one post unfunny? Nice try, but I don’t think so.
Women may well be able to multi-task but who has better circulation?
This is not the best post. Based on over-worn stereotypes with no insights.
I mean, c’mon guys, unless I missed the point in a major way and this is all intended ironically (VERY EASILY COULD BE THE CASE) this article is pretty stupid.
The title should read, “Stereotypes men love.”
With the points reading:
– Men are always on time (good), women are always late (bad)
– Men are in control of their emotions (good), women never are (bad)
– Men communicate efficiently (good), women do not (bad)
– Men behave appropriately with children and animals, women behave ridiculously (bad)
But, like I said before, I could have missed the irony.
lol so true.
@s parker, cry more.
Isn’t it great to spot who (both sexes) has an irony deficiency
Pretty inaccurate for both sexes.
Great article, and so true.
Watch the feminists get upset and start screaming – the truth hurts.
There are quite a few things us girls do better than men, but those will be listed on the girlie websites.
Right. Like I said: This WAS funny. In like 1982. It’s not just sexist and contrived, every joke contained is older than dirt. And even though most people CAN understand that this kind of joke has little bearing on reality, people like Nuffy and JMay clearly need another lesson in humor before they act on the silly claims made in this “article” and degrade their fellow female commenter.
You’re easily offended. I bet don’t have any sense of humor. I’m a girl but i find this article being sexist.
You’re just DUMB. All i can say.
not being sexist*
Studies show that dumb people lack the ability to realize that they are dumb. Parker, you might as well be arguing with a rock ^^ Let’s just let evolution handle the situation. Chances are, sexist males won’t be able to find someone good to procreate with. They won’t be around for long.
As a man, I take offense at this article, even after the apologists are done crying “it’s a joke!”
It’s a very common phenomenon for people like the author of this article to compose long and biased/prejudiced rants like this one and then downplay/minimize it by calling it humor, and accusing those of us who take offense as overreacting or having no sense of humor, as several people have already.
I didn’t read this article thoroughly, but I skimmed each point. Just about every one of them falls into a gross stereotype and/or makes men out to be somehow superior. Naturally, when you view things from the dominant paradigm, the non-dominant section (in this case, women) get cast in a negative light. Strengths that women stereotypically have are either ignored or skewed into something that makes them weak. Even “faults” that men are more likely to have (like bad memories) are somehow twisted to make them assets.
I won’t go into my own rant about how many of these “differences” are either fabricated by societal conditioning or at the very least augmented by it; there is plenty of literature out there to that end. I won’t even go into detail about how I defy some of these stereotypes myself and how I know several women who also defy them (except to cite the example that I am perpetually late to events and my girlfriend is always very punctual).
I won’t even spend too much time bashing the author of this article; I accept that there will always be people out there who want to express their sexist ideas as if they’re facts, and either claim they’re not being sexist or use the lame, carte-blanche excuse that they’re just being humorous.
What I’m really upset about, actually, is that this tripe gets published on a site that calls itself “the best article every day.” I usually enjoy the content on this site, but occasionally it becomes clear that whoever runs it is either ignorant, sexist, or too lazy to find a better article.
What the author failed to do was to account for the weaknesses and strengths for men and women. He bashes on women like he has a vendetta against them. This article is highly bias. It is FACT that there are differences between men and women in brain chemistry. However these differences are unique attributes that our ancestors have given us through millions of years of evolution. Some of these attributes are positive for certain situations but also negative in others.
Personally I don’t mind talking to the guy next door while i take the number 2. Let’s be honest how many of us guys almost got into serious accidents due to cellphones? I believe I could have gotten into 2 accidents in the past 3 years due to using cell phones constantly. My younger brother has held a grudge against me for over 1 year now. I thought it was awkward. The longest grudge i ever had lasted about a week.
Lol guys… lighten up!
I highly doubt the author had ‘something against women’ and had nothing to do but bash on them.. I think it’s all done in good humour, personally ive read quite a few ‘women biased’ articles like these, and I didn’t mind in the slightest!! I found them equally hilarious lol. Obviously some people’s egos arent letting them laugh at themselves ๐
ok this cld have been funny if you angled it to poke fun at both genders.
write one where u diss men, how about that? it might require more brain power on your part, seeing how it is probably harder to diss your own gender, but yea do that cos im looking forward to reading another perspective ๐
So obviously written by a man, and a prejudiced one at that; Pplease do enter the 21 first century, where women people the web 3.0, are creative and know how to change a fusible by themselves. Welcome to the real world, where men know how to talk and relate their feelings, and women know how to be efficient.
Yes, women talk, not to find a solution, but to express themselves; Men have been prohibited from it, having to be that “strong silent efficient” guy, which leads so many to solitude. Thankfully, people do change and learn how to overcome their social educations.
Just wanted to say LITTLE Hello 2 World!
HILARIOUS!!!
I love it reading this article especially the bedding requirements.
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Meeting women without looking an idiot is such a tricky thing. I have spent years getting it wrong! It is good to get some useful info – really enjoyed your site.
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I wonder where they got all thos actors to drive reckless. I say actors because most woman commenting are saying this is not true. LOL
In response to every person who was offended by this article:
Get over it. Learn to let things go and laugh at yourself and others because those of us who can are much happier. On the contrary to what most women beleive, everything in this article is a TRUE GENERALIZATION of the way women are and several, if not all of them can actually be backed up by scientific data. There is always going to be another perspective. EVERYONE is different. We all use different parts of our brains differently and have different levels of each hormone, so of course it’s not going to apply to ALL women. But, MOST women have MORE estrogen than MOST men, so it’s going to apply to MOST women. Also, I hear women generalize about men a lot, regarding everything from “men are all assholes” to “men think they know everything”. Wake up! I hear MORE WOMEN bash men in a generalized way than I do men, and the majority of the time I hear men generalize about women, it’s as a joke, where women will be serious more times than not. It’s the same thing with damned near every difference there is in this world. The biggest problem with anything that offends anyone, is that the person who was offended LET IT OFFEND THEM. Why? People tend to get MORE offended by the truth than by something fictional. Accept and love everything about yourself, including your faults, and you’ll be much happier. If you can’t do that, then stick to your “Girlie Websites”-Dianne52 ๐ but I hope you realize that they’re the same exact thing (only reversed), over-exaggerating and generalizing mens’ weaknesses to apply toward ALL men and make THEM look stupid and complicated.
My main point: LIGHTEN UP PEOPLE!
I don’t see what people are getting so offended about. This is a joke but there are a lot of parts in it that hold true.
The best comedians use material from their every day lives to tell at least some part of the truth about our society and ourselves. The article said that guys will laugh at just about anything, whether it is appropriate or not. This is largely true. I enjoy laughing at my own misfortune.
The author’s status as a man was certainly a bias influence on this article, but he still probably thought it was funny even if others view it as offensive. The goal of comedians is to entertain but also to help us reflect on our own lives. If you are offended, then ask yourself why you find this offensive instead of ranting about sexism.
Criticisims of differences aren’t hate speech.
I’m a guy, and I think this whole article is a bullsh*t attempt at humor.
Actually the author of this piece is on the money with the differences between men and women but perhaps not in the sense of humor as presented here. The physical brain structure of men and women are different enough that they see the world and events in the world differently. This is not cultural, it is biological. I’m working on a masters thesis as to why women bomber pilots, flying for the Soviet Union in WW II had such outstanding sucess rates in acheiving their mission goals. It all boils down to real brain differences, better night vision for women and a different brain reaction to being under the stress of combat.
Hey folks, these definitely are not the findings of a rigorous scientific research. Its just a joke and its obviously biased. So just take it at its face value – don’t dig into it. It really stereotypes both mean and women not too positively!
cool!