Written by kludge

• As long as the world turns, users will still have problems
• Substance abusers and computer operators are the only folks called users. This isn’t by chance
• When in doubt. Reboot
• Sooner or later you will meet a person who types out the words “backslash” or forgets to plug in the power cord. If you haven’t yet, just wait, you will
• Fear the phone. No one just calls tech support to wish you good morning
• No user will tell you the whole truth at the beginning of a call
• “I didn’t do anything” or “It just happened” Are the users mantra
• As a support tech, it is your job to break down resistance and get the truth
• This is so you can rub the lie in their face, fixing the issue is just a perk
• Some people will never learn
• This means you will always have a job
• Maintain a calm voice, even if you’re screaming on the inside
• The hold button is your friend
• Whatever you do, don’t panic
• The answer to all users questions should be “Trust me, I know what I’m doing” even if this is a bald-faced lie
• Users can smell fear. Once you’ve lost control, all is lost
• A user who is not listening to you anymore, but rather is trying “their own thing” is not worth your time. Simulate a telephone disconnect and hang up. Trust me, you’re better off.
• Sometimes fixing a computer is easier than figuring out why it was broken
• Users always want a reason things are fixed. If you’re not sure just lie. They won’t know anyway. “A stray electron passed through the processor and caused…”
• If possible ask to speak to the youngest person present

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