Written by Melissa J. Perenson

Now may be the time to become an Apple iPhone owner at last.

When the iPhone was introduced, I found it tempting … very, very tempting. But just enough features and capabilities were missing from Apple’s initial cell phone offering that I held off on buying one.

I wasn’t alone in waiting, but that doesn’t mean the first-generation iPhone didn’t sell well. In fact, the iPhone moved 6 million units worldwide, well enough to make Apple extremely competitive in the smart-phone market.

Regardless of whether you stood in line on launch day or you chose to sit the first round out, today’s announcement probably got your attention. It certainly has tongues wagging everywhere. Apple is once again in the spotlight, and that has everything to do with the iPhone 3G features the company revealed today. Should you queue up when the iPhone 3G becomes available on July 11? Read on.

1. Price

The original iPhone was innovative and groundbreaking. It also was an expensive toy. Sure, around the country both technophiles and the masses lined up to procure the original iPhone, but at $599 and $699 for the 8GB and 16GB models, respectively, the audience remained somewhat limited. As time passed, as the models’ prices dropped, and as the device’s reputation spread, the iPhone picked up more steam. But even Jobs himself admitted that about 50 percent of people surveyed who didn’t buy an iPhone said that they didn’t because of price.

With Apple’s iPhone price drop, announced today, you pay significantly less money up front at the time of purchase: The 8GB iPhone will sell for $199, just one-third the price that the 4GB iPhone sold for at launch a year ago. The 16GB model will sell for $299.

Those prices put Apple’s smart phone into the reach of more consumers than ever before. Only four handsets on our current Top 10 smart phones chart—Palm’s Centro ($100 with a Sprint contract, $200 with an AT&T contract), T-Mobile’s Shadow ($200 with contract) and Dash ($150 with contract), and RIM’s BlackBerry Pearl ($150 with a T-Mobile contract)–cost less than the least expensive iPhone. And the iPhone 3G, with its integrated audio and video player, Web browsing, and GPS, offers far more versatility than any of those competing phones.

2. 3G Browsing Speed

One of the biggest drawbacks of using a mobile phone for Web activities is the lag time. Much as point-and-shoot digital cameras frustrate their users with seemingly interminable shutter lag, cell phone users roll their eyes at how long it can take for a Web page to load.

The first-gen iPhone notably omitted 3G wireless in favor of the more widely available–and significantly slower–EDGE connectivity. A year later, 3G seems even more necessary than before, as Web pages grow more graphically intensive.

Now that a 3G-capable iPhone has been unveiled, it’s hard to imagine going back to not having 3G. According to Apple, Web pages will load up to 2.8 times faster. That’s a compelling argument: I’ve waited for what felt like hours for a PC World Shopping price-comparison page to load on my old EDGE-based Treo when I’ve been shopping in a store, for example. I’d much rather get the information I want sooner, rather than twiddling my thumbs and reaching for a cup of coffee.

Unfortunately, 3G wireless service on AT&T has one catch: AT&T Wireless’s service plans for the iPhone 3G will follow the company’s standard pricing structure, which means that you’ll be paying for whatever pricing plan you choose plus AT&T’s unlimited 3G data services ($30 a month for personal use, $45 a month for business use). Individual users will see their iPhone bill jump by $10.

Written by racketboy

Note from racketboy: Special thanks goes to andymol21 for putting the majority of this guide together!

It’s pretty easy to find a list of “The Top Nintendo 64 Games” or some similar ranking, but most of them were written back when the system was cutting edge and almost all of them only compare the games against other N64 games. This is all fine if the N64 is the only console you own and ever plan to own.  Because of this, I thought it would be a good idea to develop a list of games that are still relevant in today’s market because of their unique gameplay that has not been improved upon on other systems.

Our basic rule of thumb for this list is to determine which games are still worth playing today, even if you have a Gamecube and/or a Wii with its more modern game library at your fingertips. (But other consoles are considered as well)  I thought this was an especially good metric to use as Nintendo has a habit of upgrading their biggest games each generation.  Even if you don’t plan on getting an actual N64, this could also serve as a list of ones to look out for on the Virtual Console (although not all of them are available for the service)

Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

It should come as no surprise that the highest-ranked games of all time is the number one reason that the N64 is still relevant. The Ocarina of Time tells the story of a young boy, Link, whose destiny leads him on an adventure that crosses two time periods and the entire land of Hyrule, in order to become the Hero of Time. The defining game of the N64, OOT was Shigeru Miyamoto’s masterpiece, and is praised by many as being the best game ever made.

Whether you enjoy western RPGs, action packed combat, fiendish puzzle solving, or just a damn good story, this game has it all, and would still be regarded as one of greatest games of all time even if it was released tomorrow for the PS3.  As the story develops, and the game progresses, you are drawn into the world of Hyrule and care about its inhabitants and future, you form a strong sentimental attachments to you horse Epona, and you dive deep into a world full of secrets and treasures to be discovered.

Never is the games direction linear; If you ever feel like you’ve had enough dungeon crawling then you can come out and search for Gold Skultula’s, or play some of the games in Hyrule Town Market, or just watch the sun set across Hyrule Lake as you ride Epona to the fishing gallery for a go at catching the Hylian Loach.   On the other hand you always know what is expected of you, and what needs to be done next. Never in my life have I played a game that is so utterly engrossing, that offers so many diversions and distractions to the main quest, and that tells a story so brilliant, that I would happily pay money to go and see it at the cinema. If there is just one N64 game that you must own today, it is The Ocarina of Time.

Full Review of Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time

Find Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time: (eBay / Amazon)

Super Mario 64

Even after 12 years (yes, it’s been that long!) Shigeru Miyamoto’s portly plumber is still used as the yardstick by which all 3D platformers are measured against.  The reason for that is simple; it is still one of the best, if not the best, examples of its genre in gaming.

On Nintendo’s first strike, they hit the ball out of the park! Every level in the game is a masterpiece, from the simple  opening stage of Bob-omb Battlefield, to the magical cloud journey of Rainbow Ride, all 15 levels are distinct, challenging and interesting, and are a joy to play on.   The simple graphical style means that the graphics have not aged much over the years, the music and sound effects are spot on for the actions on screen, and the mechanics are nigh on perfect.

Every jump of Mario can be judged to pinpoint precision, every shot from the cannon angled perfectly to get you to the place you want to be. This, I feel, is the main reason it is still relevant. The physics engine used in Mario 64 is so predictable that you never feel out of control, and that is something that a lot of platformers, even to this day, lack.

Full Review of Super Mario 64

Find Legend of Super Mario 64: (eBay / Amazon)

Conker’s Bad Fur Day

Ah Rare…. I remember when I was a lad, reading N64 Magazine, being so excited about the new Conker game that was to come out. With gameplay that would rival their own great Banjo Kazooie, it was going to be the pinnacle of N64 platformers. How things changed!

Conker’s Bad Fur Day is an adult oriented game involving a hung-over squirrel, a good looking bunny, and a giant poo. The brilliance of Conker comes from its writing and voice acting. The wit and charm that can be put into such despicable creatures is amazing, and a testament to Rare during their glory years.

You have to sympathize with Conker, who, after a heavy night of drinking, wakes up the next morning in a field, just wanting to go home.  The game is hilarious the whole way through, though it does sink quite low with its toilet humor (see giant poo). The reason that it is worth playing today is the same reason that it was a good buy when it was new, it’s a one of a kind game, and the humor, unlike the graphics (which are still some of the best on the N64), have not succumbed to age.

On a side note, in 2005, after Rare was acquired by Microsoft, an XBox remake was made of this game featuring update graphics and sound, and an improved multiplayer. In my opinion, do not bother with this remake. Microsoft brutally censored the game, removing many of the jokes (The Great Mighty Poo Song being a notable absence) and leaving just the core Conker platforming mechanics. The N64 version is getting harder to find, and sells for high prices on eBay, but don’t go for the semi-skimmed version.

Full Review of Conker’s Bad Fur Day

Find Conker’s Bad Fur Day: (eBay / Amazon)

Sin & Punishment

This gem from Treasure may be one of the best N64 games of all time, but most gamers outside of Japan never got a change to play it. Until now Sin and Punishment was a rare import that was only known to the hardcore gamers that either imported the expensive cartridge or emulated the game.  Now its significantly easier to obtain now that its on the Virtual Console.

Much like the rest of Treasure’s well-known shooters (such as Gunstar Heroes and Alien Soldier) Sin and Punishment is filled frenetic, high-energy action that keeps pulling you further into the game. Armed with a gun and a sword, you character continues along a path while you jump, double jump and roll to avoid obstacles and enemy attacks. Much like other on-rails shooters like Rez or Panzer Dragoon, you can manually shoot your weapon in different places or set it to lock on to enemies. The sword is primarily to be used for defense and deflection for those pesky missiles that can be bounced back with a well-timed melee strike.

Sin and Punishment is one of Treasure’s few 3D games, but as usual, the skilled development house pushed the N64 hardware to the max with some impressive visuals, massively detailed levels, intricate character and enemy models and, of course, action that will make you dizzy with excitement.

Full Review of Sin and Punishment

Find Sin & Punishment on eBay

StarFox 64

I have not been the biggest StarFox fan in the past. I admit it wholeheartedly, but I recently took it upon myself to have a go and see what StarFox 64 was like. I can now admit that I have been wrong about this series for many years. Starfox sees you, Fox McCloud, fight off the evil Andross in your trusty Arwing, and is an on-rails shooter at its core.  In fact, it is the last StarFox game so far that is a pure air-based combat besides StarFox Command for the DS, which has ackward stylus-based controls.

The game does not follow a linear path, meaning that any mistakes or achievements you make through a level, such as letting one of your wingmen be hit too much, directly affect the order you go through the levels. This means that you have to play through the game multiple times in order to even see all the levels the designers included.

What surprised me most about the game, is how similar the mechanics and gameplay are to some of the best vertical shooters that I have played. You find yourself using the same techniques that you use in games such as Radient Silvergun and 1942. The N64 never had a proper shump released in the west, so for anyone who wants their fix of methodical bullet dodging and mindless shooting, Starfox is a great new twist on a simple genre.    The graphics actually aren’t too bad for the N64 and complement the game quite nicely.  Of course it doesn’t have quite the polish that the Gamecube installments have, but it is a definate step up from the original StarFox on the SNES.  So when it comes down to it, if you want the best pure-on rails shooting in the StarFox universe, StarFox 64 is still your best bet.

Full Review of Star Fox 64

Find Star Fox 64: (eBay / Amazon)

Blast Corps

Who doesn’t love blowing stuff up and causing massive damage to the world around them? While open-ended destructive abilities may show up in a number of more modern games, very few, if any have destruction as such a large percentage of their focus as Blast Corps.

In Blast Corps you control around ten different vehicles and machines in order to clear out buildings and landscapes to make way for an out-of-control truck carrying nuclear missiles.  The equipment you use to take care of business range from a speedy bulldozer to a robot with a jet-pack and “ground-pound” capabilities to take out large buildings.

Since you don’t always know exactly what you need to do at the beginning of each level, there is a bit of puzzle solving and experimentation involved.  Even for experienced players, it will test your efficiency in accomplishing your goals.  Even if you take care of the required damage, you can always cause extra destruction to rack up extra points.

You might think that a game like this would get boring after a while, but Rareware did an excellent job of increasing the difficulty as you go along and the diversity of the equipment you use (each of which takes some learning) keep things interesting.  If you want a fast and furious game that is unique enough to keep your attention, Blast Corps should definitely be in your library.

Full Review of Blast Corps

Find Legend of Blast Corps: (eBay / Amazon)

The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask

Initially, I had Majora’s Mask on the Honorable Mentions list, but after reconsidering, I’ve added it to the main list.  While it isn’t on my list of favorites in the series, there are quite a few Zelda fans that adore it due to its originality and involving storyline.

The main turn-off with Majora’s Mask with most gamers is the three-day cycle that the game revolves around. Many people found it annoying and hard to get used to.  However, as reddit commenter, satertek mentioned “I guess it comes down to whether or not you liked the 3-day aspect. That was the game. Having all these people that would go about their schedules whether you were there or not made the game feel alive, and then getting to relive those 3 days over and over so that you get to meet and help every one of them.”

In the end, there are many other Zelda games I enjoy playing more than Majora’s Mask, but considering you can find it affordably, there isn’t a a good reason you should skip it if you are a Zelda fan.

Full Review of Legend of Zelda Majora’s Mask

Find Legend of Zelda: Majora’ Mask: (eBay / Amazon)

Mario Kart 64

Due to popular demand, I’ve also included Mario Kart 64 on the main list.  Personally, I have more fun with Mario Kart DS, but there are many die-hard Mario Kart fans that swear by the first 3D installment.  While Mario Kart Double Dash and Mario Kart Wii have more refined graphics, Nintendo added new gimmicks that focused on teamwork instead of the flat-out competition and multiplayer moded.

I think a comment on Reddit from “ickingfudiot” was what convinced me most to include it in the main list, “Sadly, he (and Nintendo in releasing Mario Kart Wii) completely missed out on the utter glory of FFA Balloon Battle on Block Fort or Skyscraper. We still bust that out on Virtual Console. Sadly, MK Wii turned it into a team-based snorefest, particularly because of the removal of permadeath. RIP Balloon Battle ”

Also just recently, racketboy member, Ack shared his fond memories of Mario Kart 64’s Battle Mode, “I used to go to all-night parties where all we played was Mario Kart 64’s Battle Mode. Some of the most fun I’ve ever had at parties, to be honest. It was a feature that I don’t think ever got enough attention, and to this day I still say Mario Kart 64 was one of the two best in the series, if not the best(I can’t in good faith say that something was better than the original…I love them both). ”

Even though some of the graphics might be a little rough around the edges, Mario Kart 64 still puts up a mean fight against its newer siblings and it a cornerstone of N64-based gaming parties.

Full Review of Mario Kart 64

Find Mario Kart 64: (eBay / Amazon)

Ogre Battle 64

Ever since Squaresoft transitioned the bulk of their development from the Super Nintendo to Sony’s Playstation, Nintendo has never had a very strong RPG lineup.   However, the Japanese development house, Quest, took it upon themselves to create a wonderful RPG that makes the most of its cartridge-based limitations.

As you could expect from the Ogre Battle series, the N64 sequel is a wonderful blend of both RPG and Tactical elements.   And of course, instead of only focusing on the strategy, experience points, and item management, Ogre Battle also is blessed with an engaging story and plot that will keep you coming back for more.  Ogre Battle 64 also bucks the trend of many of the games on the N64 in that it doesn’t use 3D just because it can.  Instead, this sequel actually stays true to the original game with sprite-based graphics being the focus and using  3D elements in places that they are suitable such as the overworld map and as subtle accents.  It’s actually quite refreshing to see such beautiful 2D graphics on a console that had such a focus on 3D.

Strategy RPG fans seem to fall in love with just about any installment in the series (on both the SNES and Playstation), but the N64 version still falls right in line with the level of quality and enjoyment. And when you look at the Gamecube and Wii lineup, the only other games that really match up would be the Fire Emblem series.  The Fire Emblem series gets very high marks, but I don’t think it should disqualify Ogre Battle 64 from this list.

Full Review of Ogre Battle 64

Find Legend of Ogre Battle 64: (eBay / Amazon)

Wetrix

The best way to describe Wetrix is by imaging a 3D Tetris that has been drowned underwater…  with rubber ducks thrown in. The objective of the game is to build lakes on a flat playing board step by step, raising the ground level with “uppers” to form lakes, lowering it with “downers” and filling these lakes with water. As more pieces fall, you have to constantly adapt your lakes to accommodate the extra water, or divert the water away from a hole in your land created by a bomb.

As water leaks off the side, it is collected into a tank on the right hand side of the screen, and once this tank is full, it’s game over. You can lower the amount of water in the tank by dropping a fireball into one of your lakes, evaporating it and allowing you to fill it again.

Wetrix is a novel twist on the simple block-based puzzle genre established by Tetris and is one of the few games of this type that works in 3D. It’s an addictive, but challenging game which rewards solid playing hours with the sight of rainbows and the aforementioned rubber ducks sprouting up across your lovingly crafted lakes.   The multiplayer in Wetrix is one of the best of its kind, with a game between two good players being a highly enjoyable frantic dash to get ducks and evaporate water, while throwing earthquakes and ice at the other player to hamper them.  A sequel, Aqua Aqua, was released for the PS2 but failed to capture the magic of the original. All in all, a very good original puzzle game, and by far the best on the N64.

Full Review of Wetrix

Find Wetrix: (eBay / Amazon)

Pilotwings 64

Pilotwings 64 is the sequel to the popular SNES game, Pilotwings. In it, you take to the skies in an assortment of flying contraptions, ranging from Gyrocopters to Rocket Belts, in order to complete a series of predefined tasks, such as flying through floating rings or taking pictures of the pretty scenery. You are judged after each event on several factors and given an overall score.

The goal of the game is to achieve as high as possible score in each event, unlocking new challenges and vehicles. What separates Pilotwings from most other flight sims is the sense of freedom, of exploration, of flying! Like most of Nintendo’s greatest games, a lot of the fun of Pilotwings comes from jumping into the assortment of vehicles and taking to the skies with no aims in mind, just to see what you can do.

Personally, the joy of Pilotwings didn’t really display itself to me until I unlocked the Birdman stage.  There are no objectives in this stage, no stress of fuel supplies or ground rushing towards you. Just you, the sky, and a pair of feathery wings attached to your arms.  This stage really captures the freedom of flight.  Flying through the well constructed islands, exploring each crevice, then soaring high above the skyline of a city, makes for a relaxed gaming experience and one that just can’t be found on modern games consoles (well, until Pilotwings Wii comes out)

Full Review of Pilotwings 64

Find Pilotwings 64: (eBay / Amazon)

Body Harvest

Around the time of the N64 launch, a small company by the name of DMA Designs Limited started work on two projects: A top down racer codenamed Race’n’Chase for the PC, and a free roaming shooter for the then under development N64. The PC game morphed several times and eventually became the original Grand Theft Auto, which, of course, propelled DMA (now known as Rockstar North) into the limelight and made them a lot of money in the process.

However, their other game, Body Harvest, came out to a muted fan fare. It was given very positive reviews at the time of its launch, but was generally forgotten as the N64 progressed. Body Harvest is a 3rd person shooter in which your character is a genetically enhanced soldier sent back in time to defeat a human devouring race of aliens that landed on Earth, killing most of the population. You travel through 5 different areas at 5 different times of the invasion: Greece 1916, Java 1941, America 1966, Siberia 1991 and finally the Alien Homeworld 2046.

You might say that Body Harvest is a pretty standard 3rd person shooter, but the thing that makes Body Harvest stand out from other shooters of its time is the interactivity of the world and the ability to hop into any vehicle on the map. Essentially, Body Harvest was the foundation blocks for GTA3, where the developers were first trying out the designs and techniques that would later go into their prime franchise.   Although the graphics have dated a bit, the manic gameplay and free roaming elements make this an enjoyable and overlooked game. If you are interested in the heritage of GTA, or are just looking for a fun way to kill a few bugs, Body Harvest is well worth your time.

Full Review of Body Harvest

Find Body Harvest: (eBay / Amazon)

Space Station Silicon Valley

Space Station Silicon Valley is gem by DMA Designs, and is still a classic to this day. To be honest, I can’t quite put my finger on what makes this 3D action platformer so good. The level design is superb, ranging from pathetically easy in the opening stages to joypad-crushingly-difficult as you reach the games climax.

The animal switching mechanism (another nod to future GTA projects) works wonderfully, meaning that each new level usually has you playing as an entirely new character, with different abilities and stats. This also means that any enemy that you kill within the game can be “possessed” and you can use all of their own abilities against other animals, leading to a leap frog effect as you climb the food chain up to the top.

The game plays for the most part like a puzzle game, with challenges being presented to you through the environment and the tools to solve them given by the animals you can inhabit, but has some hardcore platforming stages too, which rival some of the best in the business.  The most striking thing about the game though, is its style. Diesel-powered foxes chase electric mice with sharp tails and turbo boost, while buoyant penguins throw snowballs at steam powered polar bears, who are laying mines in order to kill the wolves on skies, as they fire missiles launched from their back. The wackiness and brilliance of the character design meant that there is always something to come back to, always some new and inventive way of killing that damn Rocket Dog! Needless to say, Space Station Silicon Valley absolutely floored me when it came out, and has continued to impress me every time I plug the cartridge in.

Full Review of Space Station Silicon Valley

Find Space Station Silicon Valley: (eBay / Amazon)

Honorable Mentions:

You may be wondering why one of your all-time favorites are not included on the list above. There are many games that were ground-breaking in their day and are still very fun, but have either been much improved upon or are in a genre that has experienced a great leap in quality since the N64 era.  Here are a few of the most popular N64 games that aren’t quite as good as their newer counterparts.

• Goldeneye 007/Perfect Dark – When these games came out, they were the best console shooters ever made. I cannot recommend them highly enough, they are easily two of the best games for the N64, BUT (and it’s a big but!), the console FPS market has moved on leaps and bounds in the past 10 years. These days, brilliant FPSs are 10 a penny on home consoles. Halo, Team Fortress 2, Bioshock, Half Life 2, Timesplitters Future Perfect or even Metroid Prime! All of these games are just better than the Rare duo, and they cannot stand up against the quality of games with nostalgia alone.
• Super Smash Bros – An absolute classic, but really very outdated now, especially with the two sequels out. Good fun when it came out, but just has dated extremely badly with time. Try it on an emulator; you’ll see what I mean.  However, some experienced Smash Bros players claim that each installment has its own unique flair to it.  So it would be understandable if some prefer the original.  To each his own.
• The Mario Party Series – I’m not a huge fan of the games, but they can be fun if you are in the mood.  Many fans of the series claim that the earlier N64 version are actually the best in the series.  (Personally, I’m been more of a fan of the minigames on New Super Mario Bros on the DS.)
• Rayman 2 – Still an excellent 3D platformer, but you could find better one a newer console or you could even play the higher-quality Dreamcast or PS2 versions as well.
• Banjo Kazooie/Tooie – Another duo of Rare games, and another honorable mention. The Banjo Kazooie games are so much fun to play, but pale in comparison to Super Mario 64. That’s not to say that I wouldn’t highly recommend them to anyone who is looking for quality N64 titles, it’s just that they didn’t do anything that Mario hadn’t done before, and do not have quite as much sparkle to them now. They are old games, and I think you can see that when you play them.
• Bakuretsu Muteki Bangaioh – This insane import shooter from Treasure is definitely worth trying out, but the Dreamcast version (known simply as Bangai-O) is has enhancements and will be much more affordable.
• Paper Mario – The original Paper Mario is still and excellent RPG adventure, but I would probably still recommend the newer installments first and then maybe come back to this one if you still want more of the same.
• Jet Force Gemini – One of the later N64 games, I remember it being hyped for months leading up to its release. Like every game in this list, it was very good new, but just like the Perfect Dark/Goldeneye duo, 3rd person shooters are very common on consoles now, and Jet Force Gemini doesn’t have any unusual or different features to make it stand out from the prettier games of today.
• Wave Race 64 – Yes it was quite groundbreaking at the time with its amazing water effects, but Wave Race Blue Storm on the Cube nailed that as well.
• Star Wars Episode I Racer – Great fun, but there were superior ports on the Dreamcast, PC, and Mac

Written by MoiN

– I believe "This" is the source (Thanks
to someone who pointed out)

Written by Michelle Collins

Pun stores. Stores with puns in the title. Bet you didn’t think we could rank the 50 best ones. But you didn’t even think there were 50. Well guess again. BWE.tv has scoured the internet and pulled together the 50 Best Pun Establishments. And here we go:

50.

49.

48.

47.

46 More Pun Stores (Seriously) After the cut.

And they’re pretty much all brilliant.

46.

45.

44.

43.

42.

41.

40.

39.

38.

37.

36.

35.

34.

33.

32.

31.

30.

29.

28.

27.

26.

25.

24.

23.

22.

21.

20.

19.

18.

17.

16.

15.

14.

13.

12.

11.

10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

Comments time! Let us know your favorite pun store titles below.

Written by Toxel

After the success of our 14 Creative Advertisements post, we decided to post another collection of creative advertising ideas. Enjoy.

Formula Toothcare Advertisement

“builds strong teeth” [link]

iPod nano Advertisement

FedEx Advertisement

Amusing FedEx ad that features UPS inside the Fedex truck. The words on the UPS truck are German. Competitive advertisement at its best. [link]

Ironing Service Advertisement

Advertising Agency: BJL, Manchester, UK [link]

Mr. Clean Advertisement

Eskom Electricity Advertisement

BMW Advertisement

Jobsintown Advertisement

Creative advertisements for Jobsintown.de [more here]

Whiskas Origami Advertisement

Advertising Agency: TBWA London, UK [link]

Star Wars Movie Advertisement

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith

Calcutta School of Music Advertisement

Rotkäppchen “Pacman” Advertisement

Advertising Agency: Cayenne, Germany [link]

Hush Puppies Advertisement

Casual footwear for the entire family.

Written by Holy Taco

College is a great place to learn and have fun. But let’s not kid ourselves, some degrees are as useless as the plot in a Michael Bay film. Here’s a list of 10 degrees that may be interesting, but do jack shit for you in the real world.

10. Art History

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: With an art history degree you could maybe curate an art gallery or work at a museum or….yeah, that’s it. That’s all you can do. And seeing as how every art gallery and museum I’ve ever been to has exactly one dude sitting quietly at a desk reading a New Yorker and eating a food that requires chopsticks, I’m going to go ahead and assume there’s not a lot of positions open in the field. That means you’re going to have to venture out into the corporate world. And let me inform you, when you’re interviewing with Bob from the HR team at Wal-Mart who’s wearing a tie that has the twin towers smoking with writing underneath that says “We Will Never Forget,” your art history degree says to him “I’m a commie a-hole who thinks I’m better than guys with 9/11 ties.”

What Job You’ll End Up With: After your parents boot your ass from your bedroom to make room for anything that’s not your bedroom, you’ll wander towards the nearest coffee shop and get a job there, which will allow you to meet artists who will thank you for allowing them to put fliers by the cash register that inform people of their upcoming show that touts “the combination of art and flute.”

9. Philosophy

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: This isn’t ancient Greece: No one is going to pay you money, or allow you to sodomize their attractive son, in exchange for your knowledge of existence. Never has there been an employer who’s said “Man, we’re having all kinds of problems, I wish we had someone on our team who could reference and draw conclusions from the story of Siddhartha that would pull up our fourth quarter numbers.” I took many philosophy classes and it involved reading and smoking a shit pile of weed. You don’t need to pay 20,000 dollars a year to do that. All you need is twenty dollars and a library card.

What Job You’ll End Up With: Thanks to your extensive knowledge of philosophy, you’re now self-aware enough to know that most jobs out there will make you totally miserable. So most likely you’ll wait tables part time and hope someone starts paying you for the bi-monthly entries on your blog.

8. American Studies

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: If you’re not named Achmed or Bjork or G’Day Mate this isn’t a degree, it’s the last 18 years of your life. If you really want to study us you don’t need to go to some stupid class, you need only to sit back and watch a two-hour block of Must-See TV to understand The American. After doing my own research, it seems that this mysterious creature is a pot-bellied humanoid with a hot wife and bad credit who has a penchant for low-calorie beer, Chilis, Applebees, TGIFridays, Denny’s, McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Dave and Busters, Steak and Shake, Chilis (again) and Red Lobster. Oh and he can totally demolish a White Castle Crave Case in, like, 20 seconds. OK, now give me my degree.

What Job You’ll End Up With: To take your American Studies degree one step further, you will be qualified to do 40-50 years of “graduate work” cleaning tables and taking orders at a Chilis, Applebees, TGIFridays or Red Lobster. Or possibly Denny’s.

7. Music Therapy

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: I didn’t even know this was a major until I found it on the Appalachian State website. According to their actual explanation of this major: “Music therapy is the scientific application of the art of music within a therapeutic relationship to meet the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs of individuals.” Which is a big, fancy way of saying “We’ll teach you how to make a mix tape.” I guess I, too, am a qualified music therapist because my “Summer Jams ’95” tape I made in the 10th grade totally rocked my house party. All my friends told me that kicking it off with Wreckz-N-Effects “Rump Shaker” followed by Coolio’s “Gangsta’s Paradise” totally met their physical, mental and spiritual needs to help them get wasted on my dad’s Schnapps and Drambuie.

What Job You’ll End Up With: After realizing that yoga studios and elderly homes don’t pay people just to come in and set mood music, you’re sadly going to end up putting your degree towards burning a fire to keep warm because you are homeless.

6. Communications

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: Go into a communications class on any given day and it’ll smell like dried semen and booze. Reason being, communications is the major for anyone who wants to graduate, but doesn’t want to stop getting totally wasted on weekdays. Here’s the bad news, if an employer is going to hire someone to help decipher how human beings communicate, he’s going to hire someone with the letters “Dr.” before their name, not the person who first checks to see if a class is offered online, then when they find out it’s not, let’s out a “gaaaaay bro.”

What Job You’ll End Up With: You’ll go to several job interviews that turn out to be pyramid schemes, even though at first you won’t realize this and come home and tell your parents, who you still live with, “They said I’ll probably be making six figures in less than a year just by selling these beer cozies.”

5. Dance

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: Despite what “Dancing with the Stars” and “High School Musical” may tell you, there aren’t a lot of dancing jobs out there-so you better be good because there aren’t any gigs for mediocre dancers. Outside of New York City or some crap in LA there is absolutely nothing you can do with a dance degree that doesn’t involve actually dancing for money. And since the Des Moines interpretive dance movement hasn’t really taken off yet, you have a better chance landing a job as an 8-Track repairman or a member of the Beatles.

What Job You’ll End Up With: After moving to New York and trying out for Hello Dolly! or Damn Yankees or any of the other seven Broadway plays that want dancers and not landing a single one because you got your dance degree from Ball State, you will find ample opportunity to show off your choreographic skills at one of the city’s many strip clubs. You’ll just need to change your name to Crystal or Bambi and you’ll be able finally live out your dream as a dancer. (Mom and Dad will be so proud!)

4. English Lit

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: If someone can spend a weekend with a box of Cliff’s Notes and have only a slightly less conversational knowledge of what you spent 4 years studying, you probably don’t have the most employer friendly degree. Having an English Lit degree is like being a member of the Kansas City Royals: No one cares and the best you can hope for is every once in a while someone buys you a beer because of it.

What Job You’ll End Up With: You can read and comprehend, so that gives you an advantage over 99.5% of the people that peruse Craig’s list job listings. Therefore, you’ll most likely end up landing an entry level position at a random small company, or showing up to your interview and being raped repeatedly by a group of masked men.

3. Latin

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: Not only does no one speak this language anymore, but we already have all the Latin that exists in the world. There’s no new Latin that’s hot off the presses that needs immediate translating. I’m no business major, but majoring in a language that doesn’t exist anymore doesn’t sound so good for job security. And I’m sorry to break the news to you, but the world doesn’t need someone to translate The Bible or the inscription on the side of a Post Office or El Loco Latino’s “Latin House Party.”

What Job You’ll End Up With: Since you majored in something that doesn’t exist, you’re going to have two jobs. Your first one will be as the annoying pretentious guy who gives everyone the Latin etymology of every big word he hears at every dinner party he attends. Your second, and most lucrative job, will be as a Subway Sandwich Artist.

2. Film

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: No one in hollywood gives a shit that you made a short film about an alcoholic albino that discovers the meaning of life through the help of a retarded child. Unless that retarded child was played by the son of Harvey Weinstein, your film or degree will be as pointless as the last three seasons of Lost

What Job You’ll End Up With: If you’re lucky, you’ll have an uncle who can get you a job as a production assistant on CSI Miami, where your time will be spent making coffee runs and finding whores that will let David Caruso pee on them.

1. Religion

Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: Sorry God, but a major in Religion is about as worthless as St. Brice (The Patron Saint of Stomach Aches.) Even Duke University can’t put a solid sell on this degree: “A major in religion offers intellectual excitement and can be a pathway to a liberal education.” OK, you sold me. So now I get to shell out about a hundred thousand dollars so I can know what to wear to a Shinto ceremony and learn how many virgins Allah will give me if I blow myself up in an Israeli square? If it’s OK with you, I’ll keep my money and stick to my sinning-a-lot-now-and-repenting-on-my-deathbed plan.

What Job You’ll End Up With: This one is tricky. On one hand you’ll probably end up working behind the desk of a Christian Science Reading Room. But on the other, you may end up with everlasting peace and spiritual enlightenment. Let’s call it a draw.

Written by Amber Conrad

What the comedic cartoon can teach you about navigating the business world.

Over the last 12 years, the cartoon residents of South Park, Colo. have taught us about life, love, Canada, Saddam Hussein and yes … business. Here are 25 things that “South Park” has taught the world about making a buck.

1. Use the Internet to go viral.

   In season 12’s “Canada on Strike” episode, the boys try to end the strike to get Terrance and Phillip back on the air. They decide to raise “Internet money” by posting a video on “YouToob” of Butters singing “What What in the Butt.” The video is a huge hit, and the boys are soon on their way to collecting their “Internet money.” The kids use the Internet and the resulting media coverage to get their cause out there, and by using these same resources, you too can introduce your business and its services to the world.

2. Money is the cure for all that ails your business.
   The point of being in business is to make money. Sometimes, capitalism can also help advance the human race or make life better for everyone. In season 12’s “Tonsil Trouble,” Cartman gets HIV when he has his tonsils removed. He and Kyle go on a quest for the cure, and discover that fellow AIDS survivor Magic Johnson sleeps with stacks of money in his room. Believing that his constant proximity to cold, hard cash is the cure for AIDS., the boys learn that money really can cure everything. Maybe your business isn’t turning a profit because it needs more money.
3. Get a ringer for the win.
   A ringer is a contestant who is entered in a competition under false pretenses — usually someone who looks like they are terrible at a sport or game they actually excel at. In the “Conjoined Fetus Lady” episode in season 2, Pip, normally picked on for his assumed French heritage and feminine ways, turns out to be the best player on South Park’s dodgeball team, helping the team earn a spot in the national championship.
   It goes to show that even sensitive-looking little boys can throw a mean ball. What does it all mean for your company? Go out and hire a mild-mannered star worker and start winning.
4. Have a reliable work force and a stable customer base.
   In the season 2 epdisode “Roger Ebert Should Lay Off the Fatty Foods,” the planetarium owner brainwashes kids to work at the learning center and also convinces the town’s people that they must go back to the center again and again. This episode teaches that it’s not important how a business secures employee and customer loyalty as log as it gets done.
5. Protect the local wildlife for good PR.

   When the boys find the last two jackovasaurses in the “Jackovasaurs” episode from season 3, the town is visited by representatives of the Office of the Interior, who set up the pair with mating accommodations. Even though the jackovasaurses prove to be horribly annoying and largely useless to society, the episode teaches us that your business should go out of its way to appease the sensitivities of others — even if it’s inconvenient to do so.

6. Provide neat stuff to people who need to validate themselves through consumerism.
   It’s a well-known fact that people with money want to spend it. Get them to give that expendable income to you and your business by providing them with cheap but trendy items for their collecting pleasure. It is important to stay ahead of the trends here, and that’s difficult when people still have free will. To get around this, the “Chinpokomon” episode from season 3 teaches us to market to children, who have their parents’ purse strings around their little fingers and cannot resist the latest must-haves.
7. If what your business sells is scarce, people will pay more for it.
   In season 4’s quaintly named “Cherokee Hair Tampon” episode, Kyle finds out that he needs a kidney transplant, but the only donor is Cartman. Cartman offers his extra kidney to Kyle … for $10 million. Also in this episode, the town’s people are duped by a holistic woman who claims that her products are mystical and rare and that by buying them, the people will be able to help cure Kyle. So if your business provides items that are scarce, like a lifesaving organs or spiritual-healing trinkets, people will gladly pay large sums of money for them.
8. Identify the competition.
   In “Helen Keller! The Musical” episode from season 4, the kids learn the importance of competition. The South Park kids are in fourth grade now and are putting on a play. They find out from Butters that the kindergartners have a better production, so they work hard to trick out their show to make it better. They even hire a specialist, a thespian from sophisticated Denver, who turns the whole production into a “Les Misérables” spoof. Their production is grand, and they beat the kindergartners. And even though it turns out not to matter, the kids still learn to work hard to beat out the competition … and to teach a mentally challenged turkey to jump through a fiery hoop.
9. Create a buzz.
   Everyone in South Park tunes in to watch a television show that allegedly says a curse word during prime time. When the show gets press coverage, Kyle calls it for what it is — a marketing ploy designed to boost ratings. This season 5 episode, “It Hits The Fan,” teaches us that people will endure things that they do not normally enjoy just so that they can say they saw or did something controversial.
10. Investors can help your startup dreams come true.
    Cartman’s grandmother leaves him $1 million dollars, which he promptly uses to buy his own amusement park in the “Cartmanland” episode from season five. At first, Cartman is convinced that his money has bought him happiness, but he soon sees that it isn’t the only thing that he needs to emotionally survive. That warm, fuzzy sentiment aside, Cartman shows us that with a big chunk of someone else’s money, you can buy property for your business and hire people to help run it.
11. Never underestimate the little guys.
    In “The Entity” episode from season 5, Mr. Garrison gets tired of airline check-in lines and invents his own vehicle that is so amazing it soon becomes the preferred mode of travel for certain demographics. The airline companies start to go under, but the government steps in to save them. This episode also teaches another important lesson for those who are venturing into the business world: Sometimes, you can turn to the government for help and undeserved cash.
12. Sponsorships and partnerships mean that people are giving you money.
    The boys discover that Jared from the Subway commercials has assistants — including a personal trainer and a dietitian — that helped him lose the weight. This prompts the boys to try to dupe the American public by doing the same thing with a local Chinese-food restaurant. In the episode “Jared Has Aides” from season 6, the boys make Butters gain weight so that they can get the restaurant to sponsor his weight loss by eating only their food. Basically, the lesson here is that sometimes you have to do uncomfortable things like stuff yourself with food then starve yourself to get money. But it’s still money.
13. It is important to honor your contractual agreements.
    A very not “Lord of the Rings” movie gets delivered to Butters, and the boys are enlisted to get it back. The South Park characters all act out characters in this episode from season 6, titled “The Return of the Fellowship of the Rings to the Two Towers.” Stan’s parents told the kids to bring back the movie, and being of noble mind frames, the boys embark on their quest to return it. This episode teaches the value of honoring agreements and going above and beyond to fulfill obligations in business partnerships.
14. Take risks.
    When the local Native American casino tries to buy the town of South Park in “Red Man’s Greed” from season 7, the kids come up with a plot to take their parents’ money and have them gamble it away to come up with the extra funding. The kids take their parents’ savings and bet on a long shot — just like you should sometimes do in business. Remember: to win big, you have to play big.
15. Edge out the competition to get what you want.
    It’s Kyle’s birthday in “Casa Bonita” from season 7, and everyone is going to an awesome restaurant to celebrate. The problem is that Cartman isn’t invited. He takes issue with Kyle inviting Butters instead of him and decides to trick Butters into thinking that a meteor has hit Earth. He then gets Butters shipped off to the city dump, which Butters thinks is the post-destruction reality of the world. Meanwhile, Cartman goes to the restaurant while Butters freaks out among the trash.
16. Research is the key to knowing your customers.
    In “AWESOM-O” from season 8, Cartman decides that he will dress up as a robot to learn Butters’ secrets so he can better make fun of him at school. He asks Butters to tell him his deepest darkest secrets, and Butters complies. By going undercover, Cartman learns more about his bullying target and can adjust his cruelty accordingly.
17. Learn PR-management skills.
    South Park ’s mascot, the cow, has been called into question by a local PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) grou, in one episode from season 8. This prompts the school to change its mascot. Special-interest groups like PETA can sometimes challenge the ways in which a company does business. A lot. For instance, a special-interest could shut your company down because it feel like your business is doing something wrong — like misspelling a word in your sign or killing babies. But if your company properly manages these groups’ issues, it can come off looking like a community supporter without incurring a lot of business damage. The trick is to appeal to the middle ground, as the town does when it decides to take the mascot-change decision to a city vote, which makes the decision a public one without laying blame on the school district.
18. It is good to embrace change.

    Sometimes in business, you have to shake up long-standing practices to make way for the new. In an episode from season 9, Mr. Garrison gets a sex change and feels like a new woman. Meanwhile, Kyle gets a race change so that he can play basketball. Both characters get what they want until the end of the episode, but the point is that by changing things up in their lives, they were able to step into a new persona (or in your business’s case, a new market).

19. Recognize a good business opportunity.

    Hippies have infested South Park in “Die Hippie Die” from season 9, and Cartman sees this as an opportunity to help exterminate them for the good of the citizens — and a profit. You can relate Cartman’s business sense to your livelihood, except not literally, because spraying hippies with insecticide is kind of illegal.

20. Stand up and fight for good employees who are going through hard times.
    It is important in the business world to have strong professional relationships with your employees. It is also important to remember that your employees are people too and that you should sometimes cut them some slack — especially when they decide to go on a sabbatical like Chef does in season 10. But in the time it takes to have a fake flashback, he’s returned to South Park in the episode “The Return of Chef.” However, Chef starts saying really odd things, and the boys find out that he’s been brainwashed. Instead of giving up on him, they get to the bottom of his troubles and eventually cure him. The boys didn’t give up on their favorite school employee, just like you shouldn’t give up on one of your hardworking team members.
21. Sometimes you need outside experts to get things working properly.
    In season 10’s “Tsst,” (also known as “the dog-whisperer” episode), Cartman gets so out of hand that his mom hires a special nanny, who fails to correct his behavior. So Ms. Cartman hires another nanny, who also fails and ends up in a mental institution. Success occurs when Cartman’s mom brings in the dog whisperer, who treats Cartman so terribly that he runs away. So if you don’t know how to deal with a business obstacle, it might be time to call in an expert.
22. Fight hostile takeovers to the bitter end if you want to keep your company intact.
    Mrs. Garrison’s favorite bar is being threatened to be shut down by a Persian group who wants to turn it into a dance club in “D-Yikes!” from season 11. The bar patrons appeal to the mayor and also look to blackmail as a means to their ends. The customers fight to keep their group together, just like you should fight to keep your company intact when faced with dance-club owners or corporate pirates — whichever comes first.
23. The government can help you stick it to your competitors.

    During the “Imaginationland” episodes in season 11, Cartman goes all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court to settle a bet between him and Kyle. By using the legal system to settle their differences, the boys avoid unprofessional behavior, which teaches us all to opt for costly lawyers — not hit men — to resolve issues.

24. Get big names in on your venture to attract starstruck customers.
    Season 1 also gave us “Damien,” in which the son of Satan comes back as a fourth grader, causing Jesus and Satan to duke it out in the ultimate pay-per-view event. Lots of money comes in when people want to see the stars of good and evil go at it on live TV for only $49.95. After all, no one can miss the “final apocalyptic battle between good and evil.” What would they talk about the next week at the watercooler?
25. Impress your audience.
    In season 1’s “Weight Gain 4000,” Kathie Lee Gifford comes to town to give Cartman an award for writing an environmental essay. Mr. Garrison has a flashback about how Kathie Lee ruined his life by winning over the judges at an elementary-school talent show. After Mr. Garrison’s little grade-school self looses to Kathie Lee, he sulks “It wasn’t fair; she had choreography.”

Written by R J Evans

How Do They Do That? Flash animation still represents the cutting edge of internet animation. Here are 9 of the best on the net at the moment.

Whether you are new to flash or a seasoned professional, these sites will make you sit back in wonder:

1. Bird on a Journey

A little bird flies on his way home to his lady, avoiding some pitfalls on the way. This brilliant animation combines drawing and photography to stunning effect, together with a weird and wonderful soundtrack.

2. Drum Machine

If you love oriental music – and drums – then you will love this animation. Seven Japanese drummers deliver the goods in this beautifully constructed piece of Flash. The skill and time that went in to this beggars belief!

3. Online Shopping

Be patient with this one. At first glance it looks like just another website that offers you household goods to buy. But hold on a second – didn’t that mug on special offer just fall over! That’s just the beginning of the fun – a joy to watch!

4. Icon War

These desktop icons decide that they don’t like each other any more. War breaks out! Who will be the ultimate winner as icon fights icon! Oh, the humanity! Extremely entertaining flash animation.

5. Kaleidoscope

This is an amazing pattern generating piece of flash animation. You can choose from lots of different varieties and the patterning effect follows your mouse around in a myriad of colors and shapes. Inspirational!

6. Silhouette Sounds

A single silhouette becomes several then becomes many, with each producing a different sound to produce a tune. Fantastic black and white animation that is eye catching and very, very different!

7. Doorway

All the guy wants to do is get through the door! Unfortunately, there are lots of things that do not wish to grant him passage. Superb European style flash animation you will want to watch again and again.

8. Falling Dude

Superbly irritating but extremely watchable, this animation has a roughly drawn boy falling, and falling – oh, and then falling some more! You will love it!

9. Jackson Pollock

Ever seen a Jackson Pollock painting and thought “I can do that!” Well, here is your chance! Let your mouse do the walking as you produce works of art that the Saatchis will be after in no time at all!

Written by Jacob Share

People write the strangest things on their resumes, sometimes downright hysterical. Why should only recruiting managers get to laugh at these? The Top 10 are at the bottom. Enjoy!

From Resume Hell:

1. “Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse”
2. “1990 – 1997: Stewardess – Royal Air Force”
3. Hobbies: “enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians”
4. “Service for old man to check they are still alive or not.”
5. Cleaning skills: “bleaching, pot washing, window cleaning, mopping, e.t.c”
6. “Job involved…counselling clientele on accidental insurance policies available”
7. “2001 summer Voluntary work for taking care of the elderly and vegetable people”
8. “I’m intrested to here more about that. I’m working today in a furniture factory as a drawer”
9. “I am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success.”
10. “Time is very valuable and it should be always used to achieve optimum results and I believe it should not be played around with”
11. “I belive that weakness is the first level of strength, given the right attitude and driving force. My school advised me to fix my punctuality…”

From Careerbuilder.ca’s 10 Wackiest Resume Blunders:

1. Candidate included a letter from his mother.
2. Candidate stated the ability to persuade people sexually using her words.
3. Candidate wrote résumé as a play – Act 1, Act 2, etc.
4. Candidate included naked picture of himself.

From Amy Joyce on Resume Bloopers:

1. “Skills: Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated, Attention to Detail”
2. Woman who sent her résumé and cover letter without deleting someone else’s editing, including such comments as “I don’t think you want to say this about yourself here”

From Ask Annie’s article about resume blunders:

1. “an applicant ghosted a headshot as the background to her resume”
2. Other Interests: “Playing with my two dogs (They actually belong to my wife but I love the dogs more than my wife)”.
3. “One applicant used colored paper and drew glitter designs around the border”
4. Hobbies: “getting drunk everynight down by the water, playing my guitar and smoking pot”
5. Why Interested in Position: “to keep my parole officer from putting back me in jail”
6. A woman had attached a picture of herself in a mini mouse costume
7. Hobbies: “Drugs and girls”.
8. Under “job related skills” – for a web designer – “can function without additional oxygen at 24,000 feet”.
9. My sister-in-law misspelled the word “proofreading” in her skill set.
10. The objective on one recent resume I received stated that the applicant wished to pursue a challenging account executive position with our rival firm.
11. Objective: “career on the Information Supper Highway”
12. Experience: “Stalking, shipping & receiving”
13. “I am great with the pubic.”
14. A candidate listed her e-mail address as pornstardelight@*****.com
15. The applicant listed her name as Alice in the resume but wrote Alyce on the onsite application.
16. One candidate’s electronic resume included links to her homepage, where the pictures were of her in the nude.
17. “…sent out my resume on the back side of a draft of a cover letter to another firm…”
18. “My duties included cleaning the restrooms and seating the customers.”
19. One applicant for a nursing position noted that she didn’t like dealing with blood or needles.
20. Achievements: “Nominated for prom queen”
21. I once received a resume with a head and shoulders picture in the top left of the first page. The picture was of a lion’s head, wearing a coat, shirt, and tie.
22. a resume… was printed on the back of the person’s current employer’s letterhead.
23. One resume that came across my desk stated how the individual had won a contest for building toothpick bridges in middle school.
24. A resume… had several grease stains and a smudge of chocolate on it
25. Hobbies: “Having a good time”

From Careerbuilder.com’s Top 12 Wackiest Resume Blunders:

1. Candidate explained a gap in employment by saying it was because he was getting over the death of his cat for three months.
2. Candidate’s hobbies included sitting on the levee at night watching alligators.
3. Candidate explained an arrest by stating, “We stole a pig, but it was a really small pig.”
4. Candidate included family medical history.

From Mainejobs.com’s Avoid These Resume Bloopers:

1. “nine-page cover letter accompanied by a four-page résumé”
2. “One applicant tried to make an impression by using four different fonts, three ink colors and a variety of highlighting options on her résumé”

From ResumePower.com’s Ten Classic Resume Bloopers:

1. “Revolved customer problems and inquiries.”
2. “Consistently tanked as top sales producer for new accounts.”
3. “Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget.”
4. “Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement.”

From HotJobs’ Real-life Resume Blunders to Avoid:

1. “I often use a laptap.”
2. “Able to say the ABCs backward in under five seconds.”
3. “I am a wedge with a sponge taped to it. My purpose is to wedge myself into someone’s door to absorb as much as possible.”

From Fortune Magazine via HumorMatters.com:

1. “Finished eighth in my class of ten.”
2. “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
3. “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
4. “Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”
5. “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”
6. “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
7. “Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”
8. “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”
9. “You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”
10. “I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”
11. “Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”
12. “Marital status: often. Children: various.”
13. “I am loyal to my employer at all costs..Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.”
14. “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

From Resumania’s Archive:

1. Job Duties: “Answer phones, file papers, respond to customer e-mails, take odors.”
2. Interests: “Gossiping.”
3. Favorite Activities: “Playing trivia games. I am a repository of worthless knowledge.”
4. Skills: “I can type without looking at thekeyboard.”
5. Employer: ” Myself; received pay raise for high sales.”
6. Objective: “I want to play a major part in watching a company advance.”
7. Experience: “Chapter president, 1887-1992.”
8. Experience: “Demonstrated ability in multi-tasting.”
9. Experience: “I’m a hard worker, etc.”
10. Languages: “Speak English and Spinach.”
11. Reason for leaving: “I thought the world was coming to an end.”
12. Additional skills: “I am a Notary Republic.”
13. Objective: “So one of the main things for me is, as the movie ‘Jerry McGuire’ puts it, ‘Show me the money!'”
14. Skills: “I have integrity so I will not steal office supplies and take them home.”
15. Objective: “To hopefully associate with a millionaire one day.”
16. Skills: “I have technical skills that will take your breath away.”
17. Qualifications: “I have guts, drive, ambition and heart, which is probably more than a lot of the drones that you have working for you.”
18. Objective: “I need money because I have bills to pay and I would like to have a life, go out partying, please my young wife with gifts, and have a menu entrée consisting of more than soup.”
19. Qualifications: “Twin sister has accounting degree.”
20. Experience: “Have not yet been abducted by aliens.”
21. Skills: “Written communication = 3 years; verbal communication = 5 years.”
22. Objective: “I would like to work for a company that is very lax when it comes to tardiness.”
23. Education: “I possess a moderate educatin but willing to learn more.”
24. Education: “Have repeated courses repeatedly.”
25. Salary requirements: “The higher the better.”
26. Salary desired: “Starting over due to recent bankruptcies. Need large bonus when starting job.”
27. Bad traits: “I am very bad about time and don’t mind admitting it. Having to arrive at a certain hour doesn’t make sense to me. What does make sense is that I do the job. Any company that insists upon rigid time schedules will find me a nightmare.”
28. References: “Bill, Tom, Eric. But I don’t know their phone numbers.”
29. Work experience: “Two years as a blackjack and baccarat dealer. Strong emphasis on customer relations – a constant challenge considering how much money people lose and how angry they can get.”
30. Personal: “I limit important relationships to people who want to do what I want them to do.”
31. Objective: “Student today. Vice president tomarrow.”
32. Accomplishments: “Brought in a balloon artist to entertain the team.”
33. Application: Why should an employer hire you? “I bring doughnuts on Friday.”
34. Achievements: “First runner-up for Miss Fort Worth, 1982.”
35. Reason for leaving: “Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job.”
36. Special skills: “I’ve got a Ph.D. in human feelings.”
37. Reason for leaving last job: “Bounty hunting was outlawed in my state.”
38. Experience: “Any interruption in employment is due to being unemployed.”
39. Objective: “To become Overlord of the Galaxy!”
40. Objective: “What I’m looking for in a job: #1) Money #2) Money #3) Money.”
41. Hobbies: “Mushroom hunting.”
42. Experience: “Child care provider: Organized activities; prepared lunches and snakes.”
43. Objective: “My dream job would be as a professional baseball player, but since I can’t do that, I’ll settle on being an accountant.”
44. Awards: “National record for eating 45 eggs in two minutes.”
45. Heading on stationery: “I’d Break Mom’s Heart to Work For You!”
46. “I am a ‘neat nut’ with a reputation for being hardnosed. I have no patience for sloppywork, carelessmistakes and theft of companytime.”
47. Experience: “Provide Custer Service.”
48. Experience: “I was brought in as a turnaround consultant to help turn the company around.”
49. Strengths: “Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.”
50. Work experience: “Responsibilities included checking customers out.”
51. Work experience: “Maintained files and reports, did data processing, cashed employees’ paychecks.”
52. Educational background: “Highschool was a incredible experience.”
53. Resume: “A great management team that has patents with its workers.”
54. Cover letter: “Experienced in all faucets of accounting.”
55. Objective: “I am anxious to use my exiting skills.”
56. Personal: “I am loyal and know when to keep my big mouth shut.”
57. Job duties: “Filing, billing, printing and coping.”
58. Application: “Q: In what local areas do you prefer to work? A: Smoking.”
59. Reason for leaving: “Terminated after saying, ‘It would be a blessing to be fired.'”
60. Personal: “My family is willing to relocate. However not to New England (too cold) and not to Southern California (earthquakes). Indianapolis or Chicago would be fine. My youngest prefers Orlando’s proximity to Disney World.”
61. Resume: “I have a lifetime’s worth of technical expertise (I wasn’t born – my mother simply chose ‘eject child’ from the special menu.”
62. Resume: “Spent several years in the United States Navel Reserve.”
63. Qualifications: “I have extensive experience with foreign accents.”
64. “I am fully aware of the king of attention this position requires.”
65. References: “Please do not contact my immediate supervisor at the company. My colleagues will give me a better reference.”
66. “Worked in a consulting office where I carried out my own accountant.”
67. Accomplishments: “My contributions on product launches were based on dreams that I had.”
68. Career: “I have worked with restraints for the past two years.”
69. Experience: “My father is a computer programmer, so I have 15 years of computer experience.”
70. Education: “I have a bachelorette degree in computers.”

JobMob Top 10

1. Application: How large was the department you worked in with your last company? “A: 3 stories.” (Resumania)
2. A resume listed a skill as “being bi-lingual in three languages” (Ask Annie’s)
3. Background: “28 dog years of experience in sales (four human).” (Resumania)
4. In the section that read “Emergency Contact Number” she wrote “911.” (Ask Annie’s)
5. Candidate drew a picture of a car on the outside of the envelope and said it was the hiring manager’s gift. (Careerbuilder.com)
6. Languages: “Fluent in English. Also I have been heard muttering Gibberish in my sleep.” (Resumania)
7. “Directed $25 million anal shipping and receiving operations.” (ResumePower.com)
8. On one of our applications, a girl wrote ” I’m 16, I’m pregnant and I can do anything.” At the same time she turned in her application, her boyfriend handed in his. On his: “Felony for breaking and entering.” (Ask Annie’s)
9. “One candidate included clipart on their resume of two cartoons shaking hands.” (Ask Annie’s)
10. Application: “On the line that asked what “sex” he was, he wrote “occassionally”.” (Ask Annie’s)

This article is part of Litemind’s Lists Group Writing Project.

Written by Simon Brew

I Am Legend 2: now entering development hell..

We’ve spent days of our lives scouring the world for news of sequels that you may not have heard of. And here are 30 films in various states of production…

The domination of sequels in the big summer and winter schedules continues, and if the following – in particular order – is anything to go by, it’s going to carry on for many years to come…

The Brazilian Job: the follow up to Paramount’s US remake of The Italian Job is still on the cards, and it’s got a 2009 release date marked. Jason Statham, Mos Def, Mark Wahlberg and Charlize Theron are attached, as is director F Gary Gray.

I, Robot 2: All we know on this one is that it’s in the scripting stages still, with a potential 2010 release date planned in. No news on Mr Smith’s involvement.

I Am Legend 2: Warner’s huge Christmas 2007 hit could also have a follow up, although it’d be interesting to see if Will Smith returned to it. A 2010 release date is also being mooted for this one. Director Matt Reeves said that a sequel could follow the same disaster scenario from the point of view of other moviemakers in New York that night.

Beverly Hills Cop 4: If Die Hard can still do it at the box office, why can’t Axel Foley? Er, because the third BHC movie was crap, and a flop. Still, it’s not stopped development work going ahead on number four. No further news than that, though.

National Treasure 3: Not a huge surprise, but as the Nic Cage Indiana Jones knock off franchise has proved to be quite a juggernaut, you’ll only have to wait until 2011 for the third film in the series.

Cars 2: We spotted this on AintItCool – is Pixar really looking to make a sequel to its weakest film? Apparently so…

Toy Story 3: This one, after lots of umming and ahhing, appears to be a goer. It won’t, as was speculated, be a straight-to-DVD affair, and Tom Hanks and Tim Allen are both expected back on voicing duties. It’ll be out in 2010.

Jeepers Creepers 3: MGM is running the rule over a potential third instalment in the horror franchise, with director Victor Salva still attached. Hmmm.

Shrek 5: The fourth film was a no-brainer after the tepid third outing made so much cash. But a fifth instalment has also been confirmed. No wonder Shrek is the same colour as an American dollar…

Night at the Museum 2: Ben Stiller is returning for his most commercially successful role outside of the Meet the Parents franchise. We can wait. No news on the proposed Meet The Little Focker, though.

Crank 2: High Voltage: This is more like it. Crank is a guilty pleasure right up there with Snakes on a Plane, and it’s coming back for more. Shooting starts next month, for a 2009 release, and Jason Statham returns as Chev Chelios. As he should.

Transporter 3: Statham again. He’s making this too, and it’s in pre-production. Presumably, he’ll go from Crank 2 straight onto this.

Super Troopers 2: A sequel nobody asked for! Hurray! Expect it in 2010, as it’s in the early writing stages still, we believe.

Silent Hill 2: Sony is looking at a follow up to the crap-but-popular video game adaptation. 2010 is the current slated release date.

The Descent 2: We understand that Neil Marshall won’t be directed this one, which has the, er, working title of The De2cent. He’s attached as Executive Producer, with Jon Harris stepping behind the camera (he edited the first film, as well as the more recent Stardust).

The Grudge 3: Yup, it’s in pre-production now, for release next year. That’ll likely be the scariest thing about it.

Ice Age 3: 1st July 2009. That’s the date you’ll need to avoid if you want to miss the next Ice Age movie. Hopefully it’ll be better than the second one…

Ghost Rider 2: A surprise hit last year, Marvel is developing a follow-up to the Nic Cage comic book flick, and tentatively has 2009 marked for release. No director is thus far attached.

The Untouchables: Capone Rising: A prequel to Brian De Palma’s cracking prohibition thriller of, er, twenty years ago. De Palma is back behind the camera, and the project is in the pre-production stages now.

The Thomas Crown Affair 2: Weird, this. It’s taken them ages to do a sequel, and then they draft in Paul Verhoeven to direct a follow-up to someone else’s film. Pierce Brosnan returns, and filming starts shortly.

The People Under The Stairs 2: No sign of any Wes Craven involvement, though, and release may even be this year. Hmmm. We’d wager DVD will be its home.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor: Er, that’s what they’ve called The Mummy 3, which is out on 1st August. Brendan Fraser and Jet Li star.

Punisher: War Zone: Ray Stevenson becomes the third person to play The Punisher on screen. You’ll be able to find out how he did on 12th September this year.

Starship Troopers 3: Marauder: Casper Van Diem is back, but it’s still going straight to DVD, as the piss-awful second film did. It’s due out later this year.

Pink Panther 2: Oh dear. And I’m a Steve Martin fan. It’s out on 13th February 2009.

Ace Ventura 3: No Jim Carrey though, and no chance of it seeing the inside of a cinema. Head to Blockbuster later in the year if you want to catch it.

War of the Worlds 2: The Next Wave: Another straight to DVD sequel, but this one’s of note because it’s directed by Soul Man/Hitcher star C Thomas Howell. Blimey.

Jurassic Park 4: It’s taken them ages to sort this out, but the latest is that Laura Dern is still attached, and that it’ll be released in 2009. Don’t hold your breath though, as shooting would need to start really very soon…

Scary Movie 5/Saw 5: You could have guessed at these if you didn’t know about them already. Both should see the light before the end of the year. Sadly.

Put your thoughts in the Comments box, and let us know if you want more lists of this ilk in the future…!