Written by Manolith

So the worst has happened. You’ve lost your job, your account’s in overdraft, and you’re kicked out of your apartment. Or maybe you’ve just arrived in a new town with nothing but what you’re wearing. What do you do? Many people are now facing this strangely hobo-era dilemma these days. It really is something to consider, since most of us don’t keep that three month’s worth of salary in our savings accounts like the financial guru’s say we should. You’ve got to move quickly if you want to get back on your feet and fix this mess. No worries though, these 15 tips should help get you on your way.

Have Friends? Couch Surf.

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While this may seem like common sense, many guys have a huge problem with admitting the fact that they’re technically homeless to their friends. One major hurdle to get over is your own pride, admit you’re in a crap situation and ask if it’s cool to crash on a friend’s couch for a while. Just don’t become the guy on the couch, since this will inevitably annoy anyone.

No Friends? Hostel It.

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At this point we’re seriously hoping that you are in a city, and not some rural area. If you’re caught in a city with no friends or family to provide safe harbor then you need a place to stay, cheap, and stat. Hostels are the ideal answer to this problem, assuming you’re lucky enough to get in one while there’s a bed open. Some are free and some cost a few bucks, and it’s basically like hanging out in some other guy’s college dorm room, but it’s a bed and it’s co-ed. Maybe you can turn this into a good situation?

Find Friend(s) To Stay With.

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It’s time to get creative. Have enough cash for some dollar PBR’s at the local bar? This could go really well, or horribly wrong, but you need to shack up for the night and you’re out of dignified options. Look at it this way, it’s this, a park bench, or the shelter. How far do you want to take your “homeless” status? This option is typically available whether you’re in a city or in the sticks, and I hear the cougars are like temporary pets.

Switch Carriers, or Get a Pay-As-You-Go Cell Phone.

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You need to have a cell phone, but if you are effectively homeless, you probably stopped paying your cell phone bill before you stopped making your rent payments. But, you need to have a number where people can contact you, what with looking for jobs and bouncing from couch to couch. If your credit isn’t  wrecked, most phone shops will have deals to get you on a cheap phone plan with instant service – sometimes with no money down. If you can’t snag one of these deals, there’s always the pre-paids,which you can get away with for less than $50 in most cases. That is if you can scrounge up the funds, and  you’ll have to be more regimented with tracking your call time.

Win Some Money.

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You’re likely about to run completely out of cash at this point, so you need to do something to have at least enough to eat and pay for bus fare. Possibly the most overlooked source of randomly free income: bar contests. Whether it’s beer pong tournaments, darts, pool, or trivia, if you get your game face on and hit it to win it, you can get through an entire night on free beer and walk out with cash winnings. There’s usually a bar doing something every night of the week and if you play your cards right you could hit each one in cycle. Couple this with the possibility of getting picked up by a cougar and you’ve got several bases covered.

Do Odd Jobs.

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During the day you’ll have a lot of hours to fill, so you should try to make it productive. You may rake in enough spending cash each night at the bar to afford a pack of smokes and lunch, but you’re not making any headway. Take up some odd jobs as you find them; someone always has some yard work that needs doing, a car that needs washing, maybe help with moving furniture. There’s always something, though it may not pay much, and that ten bucks can make the difference between clean and dirty clothes for a job interview. Who knows, you might even luck out again cleaning a cougar’s pool.

Eat For Free.

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We take for granted just how much we spend eating every day. You can get by without actually spending any of your randomly earned spending cash on food, you just need to know where to look. You can start by hitting up the grocery stores for the free samples, run a circuit and try as many of each sample as you can, and it’s enough to get you through to lunch time. Later you can hit up other stores and graze the bulk-candy bins or the DIY trail-mix aisle. Don’t just count on hitting the same grocery stores though, since they’ll catch on if they see you too often. Bakeries constantly toss perfectly good gourmet food in the trash just for being a few hours old. A little dumpster-diving never hurt anybody, just don’t get caught, and don’t get your clothes dirty. And if you think you are “too good” for dumpster diving, there’s always food banks and soup kitchens.

Clean Clothes.

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Anyone who’s ever lived in a dorm or an apartment complex knows about the laundry room. Laundromats are no different, and more often than not a guy can walk in and find a machine with a cycle left paid for. If not, you don’t need to spend your cash on something like running water through clothes, look for some quarters. A good spot to find them are wishing-well fountains, and there’s no shame in pocketing the big coins unless you’re a Goonie. Once you’re back at the laundromat it’s just a matter of what’s available. Try accidentally mixing your clothes in with someone else’s. Several cheesy romance movies were based on this maneuver during the 80’s, so don’t be shy.

Urban Bathing.

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You can’t run around smelling like you’re homeless. If you have to spend a couple of days couchless, without hostel, and failed to score a cougar at the bar, then you need to take care of that BO. Since gyms, the Y and just about anywhere else with showers in the city have gone members only, use some of the money you’ve scrounged to get some deodorant and soap, and start scoping out fountainheads and waterspouts. Garden hoses can also come in pretty handy. In a secluded area you can manage a full shower without anyone noticing, and along with freshly washed clothes nobody will be able to tell you’re actually on the down & outs. You’ll never get hired looking and smelling like a bum.

Search For Work Constantly

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Most libraries are still free, so make use of them when you can and get online. Use sites like Craigslist to find job listings in the area and contact every single one of them. This is why you have a cell phone, they’ll have a number to call. Don’t limit yourself to just the city you’re in, either. Amtrak or Greyhound tickets can be reasonably cheap, and since you’ve already been surviving this long technically homeless, you shouldn’t worry too much about the short time you’ll have to fend for yourself in a new town if a job offer takes you there. You never know what you may find in online classifieds, just remember you’re there for jobs, not casual encounters.

Stay In The Loop.

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Just because you’re in the dumps doesn’t mean you can’t keep in touch with your friends, family, and the world in general. Using the same library computers you searched for jobs on, you can also hit up social networks like Twitter and Facebook, handle your usual daily email load, and even watch the latest videos on YouTube. This way when you come back out of your slump, you’ll be caught up on what the rest of the world was wasting their time doing. It could even be like you never left.

Find Transportation.

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If you were a driver before, odds are you aren’t now. Pedestrian life can be surprisingly efficient once you get the hang of it, and if you don’t get the hang of it you’re going to be in a very confusing world. Spend some time walking around, getting used to the city from a different point of view. Unavoidable costs of the buses and subway systems can cause a hefty dent in your spending cash, so get used to walking as much as you can manage. If this situation becomes a bit more long-term than you thought, it may not be a bad idea to see about picking up a bike for $20.

Stay Healthy.

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So what do you do when you end up feeling queezy a week after the night with that cougar? You don’t have health insurance anymore, or any money, so you’re going to need a free clinic. You should stop off at your local internet connected library again, and visit an online directory to find out where the free clinic is in your area. It’s an easy thing to overlook, but you don’t want to need of a doctor and have no idea of where to go for help.

Get Some New Threads.

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You can wash your clothes and get away with wearing just about anything you can find while you’re doing it, but you need more than what you’ve got on your back. People forget about Goodwill stores, where you can walk in and easily pick up some fairly awesome sport coats, shirts, ties, slacks, just about a whole wardrobe for under $30. If it takes a while to finally get that job interview, you’ll want to strut into that office wearing something that’s going to get the right kind of attention.

If All Else Fails.

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Let’s face it. You’re here now, aren’t you? You were probably here yesterday, and you’ll be here tomorrow. All you really need is the Internet. With the amount of wifi signals around town now, you could probably live a pretty decent little life with your dog and a pawned laptop. There’s no shame in it, after all, it’s pretty much how you spend all your time now anyway. All that house around you is kinda going to waste, isn’t it? Always look on the brighter side of life, the recession’s bound to end someday.