Top 10 Signs You Might Not Be A Libertarian

Written by DarkSyde

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Notice a propensity of newly minted Libertarians showing up lately? Perhaps it’s just coincidence their ranks swelled in inverse proportion to George Bush’s approval rating, ditto that so many are mouthing traditional conservative talking points. But what about the everyday gun toting townhall screamers and taxcutters and deficit hawks we see on cable news: are they really libertarian as so many claim, or just conservatives in glibertarian clothes? Here’s a few warning signs.

  1. If you think Ron Paul isn’t conservative enough and Fox News is fair and balanced, you might not be a Libertarian.
  2. If you believe you have an inalienable right to attend Presidential townhalls brandishing a loaded assault rifle, but that arresting participants inside for wearing a pink shirt is an important public safety precaution, there’s a chance you’re dangerously unbalanced, but no chance you’re a Libertarian.
  3. If you think the government should stay the hell out of Medicare, well, you have way, way bigger problems than figuring out if you’re really a Libertarian.
  4. If you rank Anthonin Scalia and Roy Moore among the greatest Justices of all time, you may be bug fuck crazy, but you’re probably not a Libertarian.
  5. You might not be a Libertarian if you think recreational drug use, prostitution, and gambling should be illegal because that’s what Jesus wants.
  6. If you think the separation between church and state applies equally to all faiths except socially conservative Christian fundamentalism, you’re probably not a Libertarian.
  7. You’re probably not a Libertarian if you believe the federal government should remove safety standards and clinical barriers for prescription and OTC medications while banning all embryonic stem cell research, somatic nuclear transfer, RU 486, HPV and cervical cancer vaccination, work on human/non human DNA combos, or Plan B emergency contraception. 
  8. If you think state execution of mentally retarded convicts is good policy but prosecuting Scott Roeder or disconnecting Terri Schiavo was an unforgivable sin, odds are you’re not really a Libertarian.
  9. If you argue that cash for clunkers or any form of government healthcare is unconstitutional, but forced prayer or teaching old testament creationism in public schools is fine, you’re not even consistent, much less a Libertarian, and you may be Michele Bachmann.

And the number one sign: if you think government should stay the hell out of people’s private business — except when kidnapping citizens and rendering them to secret overseas torture prisons, snooping around the bedrooms of consenting adults, policing a woman’s uterus, or conducting warrantless wire taps, you are no Libertarian.

14 thoughts on “Top 10 Signs You Might Not Be A Libertarian”

  1. Cynyr

    I thought I was a ‘small L libertarian’, but I guess not. Please explain, “kidnapping citizens and rendering them to secret overseas torture prisons”… has this ever really happened, or is it rhetoric? Jose Padilla doesn’t count.

    Mr Simpson, your policy only covers real losses, not made-up stuff.

  2. 144

    I noticed the original writer of this is from the Daily Kos, an extremely leftist blog. Some points were valid, but overall, taking libertarian lessons from either a liberal or a conservative is like learning about bricklaying from a chef; They just don’t know what they’re talking about.

  4. lobech

    Cynyr, can you spell “Guantanamo” or “Abu Ghraib”? Well, maybe it is not much of a “secret”, right, but the depraving of freedom without any charges still counts as kidnapping for me.

    I couldn’t agree more, “A”.

  5. Cynyr

    I wish we weren’t at war with fanatics who want to kill Americans, and we might not be pursuing that war in the most sensible way, but we’re in it. Since we’re in it, we can give up, or we can win.

    No, I can’t spell “Guantanamo” or “Abu Ghraib”. (I cut & pasted from your post.) The article stated “kidnapping citizens” and I assumed they meant American citizens. My bad.

    I agree that this war stinks. I agree that we are not pursuing it in the best possible way. But I still do not agree with the article’s assumption that since I don’t agree with every point, I have no right to say I am a libertarian.

    Oh, and I don’t agree that America sucks arse, but that’s just my opinion.

  7. Cynyr

    I don’t agree that America the USA sucks arse, but that’s just my opinion.

    When I think of the monstrous and growing problems faced by this nation, all caused by the sheer incompetent buffoonery of our elected leaders over the last half-century, I agree that the place sucks, but I hardly think it sinks to the level of sucking arse.

  8. a

    I respect your opinion but it just..unbelivable to see how stupid alot of the people there are. Just look at the Health Care issue. Why does it make them mad that everyone will get health care?

  10. Demosthenes

    “Why does it make them mad that everyone will get health care?”

    Complex question fallacy. This statement assumes that “everyone getting health care” is what makes people who disagree with current reform efforts mad. This is not the case.

    Reasons to be mad about current health care reform efforts:

    1. The government will need more bureaucracy to do so. And if you think this is a good idea, you are NOT a libertarian.
    2. Said bureaucracy will probably have close ties with the IRS. As if they didn’t have enough power already.
    3. “If you like your health care, you can keep it”…until the massive numbers of people who lose their health care plan because their employers would rather pay a fine than pay for health insurance force you to give yours up.
    4. Once you have to give up your plan, your only option would be government care. Everything else would be illegal for you.
    5. It is not unreasonable to have serious doubts about the government’s ability to run health care for a nation of 300 million people…without prices going up, rationing taking place, or both.
    6. The statistic “47 million uninsured Americans,” which has been the rallying cry for action, includes illegal immigrants, people who can afford health care but don’t buy it, people who are young and decide not to purchase it, people who are between jobs who will have health care again once they get another job, and people who are ALREADY ELIGIBLE for government care but haven’t gotten it. And I want to purchase insurance for these people…why?
    7. The delightful number of horror stories about lack of coverage creeping out of countries who do have socialized health care.
    8. The number of countries who are now turning to market-based reforms to fix their rapidly increasing public debt.
    9. Almost forgot to mention the massive increase in public debt.

    Any reason on this list, and certainly any combination thereof, is a perfectly legitimate reason to oppose health care. No one is “stupid” for believing these things, and you, “a”, are doubly stupid, both for committing an obvious logical fallacy and for groundlessly insulting people who disagree with you.

  11. Demosthenes

    “USA sucks arse.
    Only americans will disagree.”

    You’re half-right here. I’m an American, and I disagree. I also agree that “Only americans will disagree”…i.e., that anyone who agrees with the first statement, no matter their place of birth, is not an American.

  12. topantivirus

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