How to make a woman Happy

It’s not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. a friend

2. a companion

3. a lover

4. a brother

5. a father

6. a master

7. a chef

8. an electrician

9. a carpenter

10. a plumber

11. a mechanic

12. a decorator

13. a stylist

14. a sexologist

15. a gynecologist

16. a psychologist

17. a pest exterminator

18. a psychiatrist

19. a healer

20. a good listener

21. an organizer

22. a good father

23. very clean

24. sympathetic

25. athletic

26. warm

27. attentive

28. gallant

29. intelligent

30. funny

31. creative

32. tender

33. strong

34. understanding

35. tolerant

36. prudent

37. ambitious

38. capable

39. courageous

40. determined

41. true

42. dependable

43. passionate

44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly

46. love shopping

47. be honest

48. be very rich

49. not stress her out

50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself

52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself

53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT

54. Never to forget:

*birthdays

*anniversaries

*arrangements she makes.

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked

2. Bring food and beer.

43 thoughts on “How to make a woman Happy”

  1. Ameed

    What else ??? I don’t think that women think that these qualities are enough, and men can’t have all these.

  5. Mel C

    Totally agree with Kat:
    Men: now that you have a list… follow it and all will be well. What’s so hard about that? Besides, if you do all these things we’re more apt to show up naked in bed bringing food and beer. DUH!

  10. Anna Feruglio Dal Dan

    Generally women are delirious with joy when they are treated like, you know, human beings. Talking like an expert here – double X and all that.

    In this, this post I’m afraid reaches almost stratospheric levels of fail.

  13. Chris Jensen

    Since women control 80% of the money in the world, and 100% of the p@$$y, all us guys may as well start trying to memerize the damn list!!!!

  14. student

    lol,
    ok I don’t know the women your talking about but as a woman,a mother and a wife I can tell you what women want….

    pick up after yourself we’re not your maid…even if we’re stay at home moms you can pick up your own socks we are not slaves. if we work too then you should do half the house work…..or pitch in for the cost of half of what it costs for maid service.nothing kills a womans sex drive more than being on call 24×7 to pick up every sock,dirty tissue and clean up every pee dribble because you are either too blind,useless or lazy to do it yourself. IF your mother did it…good for her,we’re not your mother! learn to be a big boy or move back home to momma!

    do not expect oral sex if you do not return the favor

    sex is not an activity meant just for you we’d like to actually get something out of it as well. yes you have to kiss before sex and snuggle afterwards…if you dont and you find yourself having it alone at least now you know why.

    if you don’t like what we cook,why don’t you cook or better yet take us out to eat once on a while.

    IF your mother treats us like SH*t because she thinks we’re not good enough for her lil boy,the bad news is we will resent her and it may contribute to the ending of this marriage and every other one you have later,the good news is…..your mother and you can be happy together ….FOREVER!

    we don’t want toasters for christmas,we don’t want flowers for channaka,some of us dont even care if the wedding ring has a diamond in it…..BUT we’d just like you to actually honor the commitment you made to love,honor and cherish us…versus seeing us as a stepping stone for the younger version,a maid,a cook and hooker whos sole purpose is to give blow jobs on demand between football commmercials.

    we want you to love us for whom we are,not whom we could be. we are not a pet project,if you have the “savior” complex then either adopt a cat or look into mail order wives on the internet.

    looking at hours and hours of porn will make your wife depressed and feel inadaquate. she will become depressed and become disinterested in giving you any….if you need to look at porn to get your soldier to rise to attention,do not be surprised if your soldier ends up bored with no where to go.

    if you marry a woman solely for her looks you deserve whatever frigging missery you get.

    chasing women even visually half your age even if you don’t act on it makes us resent you and withhold sex because we feel bad about ourselves because we think you don’t find us attractive.

    if you dress like a bum,don’t shower wear cologne or shave but expect us to smell like flowers,be a perfect ten in heels thats extremely unfair…we will become just as sleppy as you do because sleppyness is like a disease and it rubs off eventually.

    beauty can cost money,if your too cheap to let us get some don’t complain because we dont measure up to your visual standards…yes makeup,perfume and hair dye is important…..that hot blond you are drooling over on the internet spends more on her body,hair and face in one week than our frigging family food budget!

    complaining about every little thing we do or comparing us to ex girlfriends will result in your lonliness….

    if your woman moves to the couch and starts reading twilight your relationship is doomed.

    just because your a good provider does not give your the right to condesend to us,ignore us,and neglect us…..love is a tree and if you do not water it it will die.

    and if you don’t like to see used femine items in view rememeber to put the seat down,and clean up the floor when you miss the bowl.

    if you refuse our advances but your right hand is in constant use expect resentment ,expect us to refuse you on the rare occasions you do ask and glares and eventually a divorce.

    when a women says the words “fine” or “nothing” and these words coincide with silence,you are screwed……she is livid,it is your fault or she believes it to be your fault and I would advise you to sleep with one eye open.If this is followed by slamming cabinets your only recourse is counseling and lots and lots of romance…

    When a woman buys a dildo and starts watching more porn than you do you have done something so wrong even viagra will not help you.

    if the majority of your relationships end quickly and all your marriages do not work out…IT IS YOU, when your mom says your a prize or your friends say you just haven’t found the right girl yet,they are LYING….to make you feel better SO YOU do not become JACK THE RIPPER or become depressed….if your relationships end quick and you go through wives like you go through socks invest in a good shrink so you don’t repeat your selfish mistakes or save yourself the time and us women the misery and just put your money into the bras of strippers and the pockets of phone sex operators…sure this does mean your are probably a pathetic peace of crud who is inacapable of cohabitating a residence with a woman because your to selfish to see past your own nose and are never satisfied with anyone you are lucky enough to have the pleasure of dating..but honesty is better for you,less stressful for us,and besides most dancers are lesbians and most phone sex operators are fat…and the ones that actually do webcam and do look great and like men would never date you because they only date men in their 80’s with huge bankaccounts because these girls make more in one day then you do all month…..we understand some of you are so screwed up that you are incapabable of existing in a give or take relationship so instead of decieving another woman into your web of bullshit why dont you just put your money into adult entertainment,work nine to five hang out with other men like you…..while bitching about women like us and call it a day…

    reallly we’re good!

    we don’t need you to pay our way
    we don’t need you to satisfy our needs
    we don’t need you to mow the lawn
    we don’t need you to even have a child now a days…

    we really really don’t need you for anything

    and now we have twilight,soap operas,opera and cosmo.

    a battery operated toy will rock our world better than you ever could.
    we can adopt
    we can work and pay our own retirment
    we have our own friends
    and we can hire people to do the things we no longer need you to do that you probably dont even do anyway because your to lazy or selfish to care.

    so if you do get the the privledge of loving one of us and having one of us actually llove you back and actually touch you with out expecting to be paid for it…DO yourself a favor! tell your mom to shut up,kiss us and snuggle us,put the friggin seat down,stop oggling pictures of women you will never ever get and wake up every day knowing

    you are wrong
    we are right
    you will never ever deserve us
    so be greatful for each day we share with your miserable asses
    and we know more than you
    because we ask for directions

    if you keep this in mind you will make a woman happy…….

  15. student

    and for the record,I was with a wealthy successful white man…..he felt the fact he was so attactive so successful and bought me lots of things would make me happy…

    yet he cheated on me with younger women physically and emotionally,
    watched thosands of hours of porn,compared me to ex girlfriends…his mom treated me like crap….he refused to let me go to college and constantly tried to fix me…

    because I was the chubby,dumpy jewish girl he got stuck with

    he constantly took me to the gym,we discussed all the cosmetic surgery I could get and he’d be willing to pay for,he moved me to a very secluded city with no transportation with only one car. I never got a say in anything because he made most of the money and any money I made and any contributions I made didnt count…..For I should be so ever greatful he hath saved me from my blue collar life….

    so I read twilight,moved to the couch lost wieght and enrolled in college,where I met the nicest sicilliam man who though barely had two cents to rub together had a heart of solid gold……he didnt care about my big ass,or gray hairs…he treasured every flaw and every scar or dimple. He never looks at porn he only looked at me.he cooks I clean,and for the record he always puts the seat down.

    he doesnt buy me expensive gifts and I will probably never get a diamond……But he loves me every single day,he treats me like a person and he doesnt try to fix me.

    My ex and I are friends,we have kids we have to be….he threatened to not pay support so I let him have the kids,and he is miserable….he did it to be vindictive and he is finding it is more work than he thought it was…..he misses me and often tells me when my boyfriend isnt around he loves me and knows now how much he screwed up….

    but he is also looking into mail order wives….

    because supposedly he has no luck with women here…..

    and though I do feel sorry for him, I really don’t at the same time….because the problem IS HIM! Because its not that I was demanding,cruel,unloyal or unkind….He was so busy trying to fix me he lost me. and I am so glad he did because I finally have someone who loves me for me. and I am doing great in school and I have a better relationship with my kids than I ever did before…..

  16. Adrian

    Student, first response. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Second, don’t worry about men needing you or (shudder) even wanting you. As one observer neatly wrote: “The chip on your shoulder is the only protection against men you’ll ever need.” Sleep tight.

  17. Pudden Tame

    No man can make a woman happy, because no man possesses a twelve-inch penis made of chocolate that ejcaulates money.

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