Written by Jimmy Callahan

All too often these days, we can’t even identify what we´re drinking. If, Swingers style, you’re going to order “any Glen” to impress the ladies, it’s probably best if you don’t mix it up with the bourbon your buddy ordered. So, with that noble goal in mind, here is your Whisky Cheat Sheet:

Whisky was first made in Ireland by missionary monks (who make the best booze and beer because the secrets are given to them by God) as early as the sixth century. Along with spreading The Word of The Lord, they also began distilling whisky, or as it’s called in Gaelic, uisce beatha, meaning “water of life.” Occupying British soldiers in the 12th century bastardised the pronunciation and it eventually came out “whisky”.

Whisky is a general term describing many spirits. Every region/country that makes whiskey has its own rules & regulations for the liquor to be considered official — so they can set themselves apart and then have a pissing contest to see whose is better. Whisky in the simplest of terms is comprised of water, a grain and yeast (if you add hops to those three, you get beer), and is aged in oak casks. The way you manipulate these ingredients accounts for all of the different varieties.

The four major types are Irish Whiskey (with en ‘e’), Scotch Whisky, American Whiskey (again with an ‘e’), & Canadian Whisky. The Irish & Americans spell it with the ‘e’; the rest of the world leaves it off to save on printing costs. Let’s break it down:

Irish Whiskey

Distilled three times. Uses pure-malted barley as the grain. Aged at least three years in oak casks.

Scotch or Scottish Whisky

Distilled twice. Also uses barley, which is dried over peat fire, giving scotch it’s characteristic smoky flavor. Aged at least two years in oak.

American Whiskey

Made from a mash (mixture) of cereal grain. Aged at least two years in charred, unused oak.

Canadian Whisky

Uses at least 51 percent malted rye as the grain. Aged at least three years in oak.

Other Fun Facts:

A whisky stops maturing after it’s bottled, so it won’t get “better” over time.

A closed bottle can be kept for more than 100 years and you’ll still be good to go. So, raid your parents’ liquor cabinet and grab that sealed Jameson from Christmas of ’87.

An opened bottle is all right for five years. This is good to know for nicer bottles, but you should be drinking that handle of Beam way quicker than that.

The oak barrels give the whisky its caramel colour.

Whisky gains as much as 60 percent of its flavour from the type of cask used in the aging process.

Bourbon is an American Whiskey made from at least 51 percent corn. It no longer has to be made in Bourbon, Kentucky, but 90 percent of it is.

Bourbon County, is a dry county. Which is just stupid. Silly Americans.

The reason Jack Daniel’s is not considered bourbon is because they filter it through sugar-maple charcoal (“mellowing”) prior to aging.

While most people think that adding ice or water to whisky is sacrilegious, it is all about taste. One person might prefer his whisky neat (straight up), but a small amount of water or ice will bring out more subtle, nuanced flavors. Give it a try … just stay away from the mixers. You’re a man now.

Written by Jason Fitzpatrick

You pay good money for your DVDs, but they’re hardly the only format you need these days. These five ripping tools ensure you can back them up, keep them on your media server, and load them on your favorite portable player.

Photo by jonasj.

Earlier this week we asked you to share your favorite DVD-ripping tool. We tallied up the votes, and now we’re back to highlight the five most popular tools used by Lifehacker readers to rip, backup, and encode their DVD collections.

DVD Shrink (Windows, Free)

DVD Shrink is a free and capable ripping tool that excels at, as the name would imply, shrinking DVDs. DVDs come in two common formats: DVD-5 (4.7GB) and DVD-9 (8.5GB); the Reauthor mode in DVD Shrink helps you to ditch disc extras and strip most larger DVDs down to fit into a standard (and less expensive) DVD-5 disc. DVD Shrink does a good job handling many protection schemes, but hasn’t been updated to remove some of the newest schemes.

DVD Fab (Windows, $50)

DVD Fab is a commercial DVD ripper that supports the removal of all current DVD copy protections. In addition to being current on protection schemes, it boasts a large array of options for stripping and repacking your DVDs once the copy protection is removed. You can rip the entire disc, rip only the main movie, or split it into pieces—among other options. Like DVD Shrink, DVD Fab also supports compressing DVD-9 discs to fit on DVD-5 discs.

Handbrake (Windows/Mac/Linux, Free)

Handbrake is a DVD-ripping tool with a strong emphasis on not just ripping media but recoding it for playback on computers, portable devices, and other non-disc based systems. Handbrake can help you convert DVDs and other MPEG-based video into MP4 and MKV files. You can tweak settings like video frame rate and audio codec playback to your heart’s content with Handbrake, and even batch encode all your media at one time to make filling up your iPod or other device relatively painless. The one major shortcoming of Handbrake is that it doesn’t have any copy protection removal tools built in, which means you may occasionally need to use a 3rd-party stripping tool to prepare your DVD for conversion.

AnyDVD (Windows, $60 per year)

AnyDVD is another commercial entry in this week’s Hive Five. It’s not cheap, with a one year license running $60—although the multi-year discounts quickly stack up—but it can boast that it stays on top of current protection and encryption schemes to makes sure you’re never locked out of your own discs. In addition to stripping protections from the disc, it also has the ability to control DVD playback speed so that DVDs played on media center computers will play slower and quieter, and it allows you to remove things like forced subtitles, warning screens, and disc material you don’t want.

DVD Decrypter (Windows, Free)

Although DVD Decrypter hasn’t been updated since 2005, it still works on a significant number of DVDs and has a strong following resulting from both its original user base and new users who find it cuts through the copy protection on their current DVDs protected with CSS, Macrovision content protection, region codes, and other hindrances.

Written by Jesse Schedeen

Several Simpsons characters have graced our Line-O-Rama feature in recent months, but never the man who defines the long-running animated series like no other. It’s high time we focused on the one and only Homer Simpson in this feature, as perhaps no pop culture character has given us more memorable and hilarious lines over the years.

But we’re not doing this Line-O-Rama small. Given the fact that The Simpsons is now in its 21st season, there’s simply too much material for one Line-O-Rama. In this feature, we focus on the first 10 seasons. Many of these lines hail from Season 5, but that’s only because any self-respecting Simpsons fan knows Season 5 was one of the show’s absolute greatest. Expect a follow-up in the coming weeks that covers everything after Season 10.

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Playing the Blame Game

Line: “It takes two to lie, Marge. One to lie and one to listen. ”

Episode: “Colonel Homer” (Season 3)

Leave it to Homer to always find a way to cover his bases. When Marge caught him the act of trying to help another woman further her career as a country singer, Homer needed an excuse for lying. In his kooky little brain, it’s as much Marge’s fault for enabling his lie as it was his for telling it. This is only one example in Homer’s long history of deflecting his much-deserved blame onto those around him. But to his credit, it’s a clever excuse. We’d consider trying it on our significant others some time, but not everyone is as tolerant of nonsensical logic as Marge.

Following Nature’s Example

Line: “Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.”

Episode: “Boy-Scoutz ‘N The Hood” (Season 5)

At some point in every young man’s life, he goes on an incredible all-night bender that leaves him disoriented and confused the next morning. If he’s unlucky, he might wake to discover he did something monumentally stupid in the night, like getting his face tattooed or marrying a random stranger. Bart’s first all-night bender happened earlier than most, and the consequences were even more dire. He signed up for the Junior Campers, Springfield’s answer to the Boy Scouts.

When Bart tried to shirk his new responsibilities, his parents were of opposing viewpoints. Homer is certainly no stranger to drunken stupidity. Moreover, he knows that a boy needs to learn some useful skills from his father, and the most useful skill of all is weaseling out of responsibility.

Homer: The Knight Errant

Line: “The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it’s time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!”

Episode: “$pringfield” (Season 5)

Gambling addiction is a serious problem, but only Homer seems to realize just how serious. With Mr. Burns’ casino sweeping up the town in a fit of bright lights and easy money, Homer is the only one who can see the neon-clawed demon perched on Marge’s shoulder. Leave it to Homer to tackle addiction in the same way knights of yore would battle dragons and evil wizards. In the end, Homer was successful, even if he was forced to rely less on brute force and more on pitiful begging.

The Secret to Professional Success

Line: “I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: ‘Cover for me.’ Number 2: ‘Oh, good idea, Boss!’ Number 3: ‘It was like that when I got here.'”

Episode: “One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish” (Season 2)

How can you fault Homer’s parenting skills when he devotes so much time and energy to schooling his children in the ways of the world? In this episode, Homer believes he has mere hours left to live before the poisoned meat of a blowfish will claim his life. With no time to lose, he imparts a few words of wisdom to Bart. We think Homer’s three sentences are very useful. How are you supposed to make it through life without the always suitable “It was like that when I got here”? Luckily, Homer survived his blowfish ordeal, and he continues to impart all sorts of pseudo-advice to younger generations.

Genius in Action

Line: ” [sing-songy] I am so smart, I am so smart . . . S-M-R-T . . . d’oooh . . . I mean . . . S-M-A-R-T!”

Episode: “Homer Goes to College” (Season 5)

In one of the all-time classic images in Simpsons history, Homer is seen dancing happily as his house burns down around him. His excitement is understandable, at least. After so many years of coasting through life with a high school diploma, he’s finally going to college. But couldn’t he at least have taken the diploma down before lighting it on fire? Between the catastrophic property damage and his inability to spell “smart,” it became apparent right away just why Homer never made it to college. Heck, we grow more surprised with every season that he even managed to finish high school.

Can’t Buy Him Love

Line: “Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!”

Episode: “Bart Gets an Elephant” (Season 5)

Homer has gotten progressively stupider over time, as “The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular” pointed out. He was already pretty darn dumb by Season 5 if he thought having $10,000 made one a millionaire. But maybe you can blame that on the stress of seeing Bart come home with a full-grown elephant. But Homer was right about $10,000 buying love. We suspect that was right about the going rate for a mail-order bride in 1994.

Caring for the Elderly

Line: “Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.”

Episode: “Lady Bouvier’s Lover” (Season 5)

Homer doesn’t much care for old people and their needs. It’s easy enough for him to be dismissive when he’s been capped at age 36 since 1989. But what about poor Grampa Simpson? But Homer, ever the pragmatist, only sees the elderly in terms of how they might benefit him as a (somewhat) healthy, (sort of) virile American male. We can understand his problem with Grampa’s choice of lover, at least Homer’s father dating Marge’s mother is a little too close to that Luke & Leia match-up for our liking. The family might as well pack up and move to Cletus’ neck of the woods.

A Lesson in Economics

Line: Homer: Awww, $20! But I wanted a peanut!

Internal Homer: $20 can buy many peanuts.

Homer: Explain how.

Internal Homer: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

Homer: Wahoo!

Episode: “Boy-Scoutz ‘n the Hood” (Season 5)

As stupid as Homer can be, there is a tiny, intelligent Homer living beneath the surface. It’s usually this Homer that’s the first to abandon ship in times of crisis, but occasionally the two Homers pull off great feats of teamwork. Case in point – the time Homer taught himself how money works. It’s good that Homer has someone to each him how paper money can be exchanged for goods and services,even if that someone is just a figment of his imagination. Now if only he had someone to teach him how to spell “smart.”

That’s Not Exactly How It Works

Line: “Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here’s the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won’t ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal.”

Episode: “And Maggie Makes Three” (Season 6)

Homer clearly doesn’t understand how prayer works. In this flashback episode, everything was going swimmingly for the Simpson family patriarch. He had just landed a coveted job at the local bowling alley. His two children were providing just the right touch to his family life. Everything seemed perfect.

But somewhere along the way, everything went wrong. Perhaps it was when Homer thanked his Lord for the work of other gods. Or maybe it was when he assumed silence meant acquiescence. That rarely works. Whatever the case, Maggie soon came along and screwed everything up for poor Homer. Beneath that pacifier and blue onesie lies a stone cold, Burns-shooting murderer.

Captain What’s-His-Name Would Be Disappointed

Line: “Stealing!!! How could you! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons in church?! Captain what’s his name? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies?! For fun?! Well I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you?! Except at that guy who made sound effects. (Homer then does various sound effects, then does his girlish laugh.) Where was I, oh yeah, stay outta my booze!”

Episode: “Marge Be Not Proud” (Season 7)

We expect it would have been nice to have a father like Homer during those moments of childhood wrongdoing. As we see here, Homer is really his own worst enemy when it comes to punishing Bart. After stealing a copy of Bonestorm from the Try & Save, Bart was in the same sort deep, deep trouble that inspired his hit record.

But Homer’s short attention span negated the possibility of any real punishment. In this long rambling speech, we learn that Homer doesn’t pay attention in church (or even understand why he goes there in the first place). He also apparently takes the Police Academy franchise way too seriously. By the time this long-winded speech is over, Homer can’t even remember what he was yelling about in the first place. This is one of those cases where Bart is lucky to have another parent with a firm head on her shoulders.

Written by David

Often, when we meet other game developers and say that we use OpenGL for our game Overgrowth, we’re met with stares of disbelief — why would anyone use OpenGL? DirectX is the future. When we tell graphics card representatives that we use OpenGL, the temperature of the room drops by ten degrees.

This baffles us. It’s common geek wisdom that standards-based websites, for instance, trounce Silverlight, Flash, or ActiveX. Cross-platform development islaudable and smart. No self-respecting geek enjoys dealing with closed-standard Word documents or Exchange servers. What kind of bizarro world is this where engineers are not only going crazy over Microsoft’s latest proprietary API, but actively denouncing its open-standard competitor?

Before we dive into the story of why we support OpenGL, let’s start with a bit of history:

What is OpenGL?

In 1982, Silicon Graphics started selling high-performance graphics terminals using a proprietary API called Iris GL (GL is short for “graphics library”). Over the years, Iris GL grew bloated and hard to maintain, until Silicon Graphics took a radical new step: they completely refactored Iris GL and made it an open standard. Their competitors could use the new Open Graphics Library (OpenGL), but in return, they had to help maintain it and keep it up to date.

Today, OpenGL is managed by the Khronos Group — a non-profit organization with representatives from many companies that are interested in maintaining high-quality media APIs. At a lower level, it’s managed by the OpenGL Architecture Review Board (ARB). OpenGL is supported on every gaming platform, including Mac, Windows, Linux, PS3 (as a GCM wrapper), Wii, iPhone, PSP, and DS. Well, every gaming platform except for the XBox — which brings us to our next topic:

What is DirectX?

Ever since MS-DOS, Microsoft has understood that games play an important role in users’ choice of operating systems. For this reason, in 1995, they created a proprietary set of libraries in order to encourage exclusive games for their new Windows 95 operating system. These libraries included Direct3D, DirectInput and DirectSound, and the entire collection came to be known as DirectX. When Microsoft entered the gaming market in 2001, it introduced theDirectX Box, or XBox for short. The XBox was a loss leader (losing over 4 billion dollars), intended to set the stage to dominate the games market in the next generation.

Looking at the games scene now, it’s clear that this strategy is succeeding. Most major PC games now use DirectX, and run on both Windows and XBox 360. With few exceptions, they don’t work on competing platforms, such as Playstation, Mac OS, and Wii. These are significant markets to leave out, bringing us to the big question:

Why does everyone use DirectX?

Everyone uses DirectX because API choice in game development is a positive feedback loop, and it was shifted in favor of DirectX in 2005.

It’s a positive feedback loop because whenever one API becomes more popular, it keeps becoming more and more popular due to network effects. The most important network effects are as follows: the more popular API gets better support from graphics card vendors, and graphics programmers are more likely to already know how to use it.

API use was shifted in favor of DirectX by Microsoft’s two-pronged DirectX campaign around the launch of XBox 360 and Windows Vista, including the spread of FUD (fear, uncertainty and doubt) about the future of OpenGL, and wild exaggeration of the merits of DirectX. Ever since then, the network effects have amplified this discrepency until OpenGL has almost disappeared entirely from mainstream PC gaming.

1. Network effects and vicious cycles

On Windows, it’s a fact that the DirectX graphics drivers are better maintained than the OpenGL graphics drivers. This is caused by the vicious cycle of vendor support. As game developers are driven from OpenGL to DirectX by other factors, the graphics card manufacturers (vendors) get less bug reports for their OpenGL drivers, extensions and documentation. This results in shakier OpenGL drivers, leading even more game developers to switch from OpenGL to DirectX. The cycle repeats.

Similarly, it’s a fact that more gaming graphics programmers know how to use DirectX than OpenGL, so it’s cheaper (less training required) to make a game using DirectX than OpenGL. This is the result of another vicious cycle: as more game projects use DirectX, more programmers have to learn how to use it. As more programmers learn to use it, it becomes cheaper for game projects to use DirectX than to use OpenGL.

2. FUD about OpenGL and Vista

Microsoft initiated a fear, uncertainty, and doubt (FUD) campaign against OpenGL around the release of Windows Vista. In 2003, Microsoft left the OpenGL Architecture Review Board — showing that they no longer had any interest in the future of OpenGL. Then in 2005, they gave presentations atSIGGRAPH (special interest group for graphics) and WinHEC (Windows Hardware Engineering Conference) giving the impression that Windows Vista would remove support for OpenGL except to maintain back-compatibility with XP applications. This version of OpenGL would be layered on top of DirectX as shown here, (from the HEC presentation) causing a dramatic performance hit. This campaign led to panic in the OpenGL community, leading many professional graphics programmers to switch to DirectX.

When Vista was released, it backpedaled on its OpenGL claims, allowing vendors to create fast installable client drivers (ICDs) that restore native OpenGL support. The OpenGL board sent out newsletters proving that OpenGL is still a first-class citizen, and that OpenGL performance on Vista was still at least as fast as Direct3D. Unfortunately for OpenGL, the damage had already been done — public confidence in OpenGL was badly shaken.

3. Misleading marketing campaigns

The launch strategies for Windows Vista and Windows 7 were both accompanied with an immense marketing push by Microsoft for DirectX, in which they showed ‘before’ and ‘after’ screenshots of the different DirectX versions. Many gamers now think that switching from DirectX 9 to DirectX 10 magically transforms graphics from stupidly dark to normal (as in the comparison above), or from Halo 1 to Crysis. Game journalists proved that there was no difference between Crysis DX9 and DX10, and that its “DX10” features worked fine with DX9 by tweaking a config file. However, despite its obvious inaccuracy, the marketing has convinced many gamers that DirectX updates are the only way to access the latest graphics features.

While many games participate in Microsoft’s marketing charade, more savvy graphics programmers like John Carmack refuse to be swept up in it. He put it this way, “Personally, I wouldn’t jump at something like DX10 right now. I would let things settle out a little bit and wait until there’s a really strong need for it.”

So why do we use OpenGL?

Given that OpenGL has less vendor support, is no longer used in games, is being actively attacked by Microsoft, and has no marketing momentum, why should we still use it? Wouldn’t it be more profitable to ditch it and use DirectX like everyone else? No, because in reality, OpenGL is more powerful than DirectX, supports more platforms, and is essential for the future of games.

1. OpenGL is more powerful than DirectX

It’s common knowledge that OpenGL has faster draw calls than DirectX (see NVIDIA presentations like this one if you don’t want to take my word for it), and it has first access to new GPU features via vendor extensions. OpenGL gives you direct access to all new graphics features on all platforms, while DirectX only provides occasional snapshots of them on their newest versions of Windows. The tesselation technology that Microsoft is heavily promoting for DirectX 11 has been an OpenGL extension for three years. It has even been possible for years before that, using fast instancing and vertex-texture-fetch. I don’t know what new technologies will be exposed in the next couple years, I know they will be available first in OpenGL.

Microsoft has worked hard on DirectX 10 and 11, and they’re now about as fast as OpenGL, and support almost as many features. However, there’s one big problem: they don’t work on Windows XP! Half of PC gamers still use XP, so using DirectX 10 or 11 is not really a viable option. If you really care about having the best possible graphics, and delivering them to as many gamers as possible, there’s no choice but OpenGL.

2. OpenGL is cross-platform

More than half of our Lugaru users use Mac or Linux (as shown in this blog post), and we wouldn’t be surprised if the same will be true of our new gameOvergrowth. When we talk to major game developers, we hear that supporting Mac and Linux is a waste of time. However, I’ve never seen any evidence for this claim. Blizzard always releases Mac versions of their games simultaneously, and they’re one of the most successful game companies in the world! If they’re doing something in a different way from everyone else, then their way is probably right.

As John Carmack said when asked if Rage was a DirectX game, “It’s still OpenGL, although we obviously use a D3D-ish API [on the Xbox 360], and CG on the PS3. It’s interesting how little of the technology cares what API you’re using and what generation of the technology you’re on. You’ve got a small handful of files that care about what API they’re on, and millions of lines of code that are agnostic to the platform that they’re on.” If you can hit every platform using OpenGL, why shoot yourself in the foot by relying on DirectX?

Even if all you care about is Windows, let me remind you again that half of Windows users still use Windows XP, and will be unable to play your game if you use the latest versions of DirectX. The only way to deliver the latest graphics to Windows XP gamers (the single biggest desktop gaming platform) is through OpenGL.

3. OpenGL is better for the future of games

OpenGL is a non-profit open standard created to allow users on any platform to experience the highest quality graphics that their hardware can provide. Its use is being crushed by a monopolistic attack from a monolithic corporate giant trying to dominate an industry that is too young to protect itself. As Direct3D becomes the only gaming graphics API supported on Windows, Microsoft is gaining a stranglehold on PC gaming.

We need competition and freedom to drive down prices and drive up quality. A Microsoft monopoly on gaming would be very bad for both gamers and game developers.

Can OpenGL recover?

Back in 1997, the situation was similar to how it is now. Microsoft was running a massive marketing campaign for Direct3D, and soon everyone “just knew” that it was faster and better than OpenGL. This started to change when Chris Hecker published his open letter denouncing DirectX. Soon after that, John Carmack posted his famous OpenGL rant, and put his money where his mouth was by implementing all of Id Software’s games in OpenGL, proving once and for all that DirectX was unnecessary for high-end 3D gaming.

This lesson appears to have been forgotten over the last few years. Most game developers have fallen under the spell of DirectX marketing, or into the whirlpool of vicious cycles and network advantages. It’s time to throw off the veil of advertisements and buzzwords, and see what’s really happening. If you use DirectX, you have to choose between using the weak, bloated DirectX 9 or sacrificing most of your user-base to use DirectX 10 or 11.

On the other hand, if you use OpenGL, you get faster and more powerful graphics features than DirectX 11, and you get them on all versions of Windows, Mac and Linux, as well as the PS3, Wii, PSP, DS, and iPhone. You also get these features in the rapidly-developing WebGL standard, which may become the foundation for the next generation of browser games.

If you’re a game developer, all I ask is that you do the research and compare the figures, and decide if OpenGL is a better choice. Some programmers prefer the style of the DirectX 11 API to OpenGL, but you’re going to be wrapping these low-level APIs in an abstraction layer anyway, so that shouldn’t be a deciding factor. If there’s anything about OpenGL that you don’t like, then just ask the ARB to change it — they exist to serve you!

If you’re a gamer who uses Windows XP, Mac, or Linux, I hope you can see that DirectX only exists in order to keep new games from reaching your platform, and the only way you can fight back is to support games that use OpenGL.

Written by Kevin Kelleher

In a famous passage from “Ulysses,” James Joyce recapitulates the development of the English language in 45 pages — from the archaic and formal (“Deshil Holles Eamus”) to the conversationally casual (“Pflaap! Pflaap! Blaze on”). Over the past decade, as more people have spent more time writing on the Internet, that same evolution has not only continued, it feels like it’s accelerated.

With so much discussion about how the Internet is changing journalism and media, there’s surprisingly little said about how writing itself has transformed. But it has changed in a dramatic if subtle way.

Nine years ago, I remember being one of 100 or so journalists gathered to listen to a veteran writer speak. I don’t remember the topic, just that when he asked how many of us enjoy writing, I was surprised that only a few hands went up. Today, so much of the typical day is taken up with writing emails, tweets, updates, text messages, chat sessions, blog posts and the occasional longer form writing. And few complain how onerous it all is.

On balance, all of that practice is making online writing better. Which is not to say that all online writing is good. Much of it’s terrible – see the average YouTube comment for an example of how bad it can be. But it’s been said that excellent writing is a matter of good thinking – if you’ve got the thinking part down, that’s most of the battle. And many of the thoughtful people I know are producing some great stuff on the web.

The Internet isn’t just prompting us to write more, its open structure pressures us to write in a way that’s at once more concise and flexible. One problem newspapers and magazines never could fix is that articles are assigned arbitrary lengths. Pay writers per word and they’ll write as many as they can. Assign a 12,000-word story and you’ll get just that, even if 1,000 are all that’s necessary.

On the web it’s different. Back in 1997, Jakob Nielsen looked at how people read web content (basically, they scan it) and argued web writing should

• highlight keywords (often using hypertext links)
• use straight, clear headlines and subheads
• deliver one idea per paragraph
• cut word count to half that of conventional writing
• employ bulleted lists.

Many web writers, whether they’ve read Nielsen’s advice or not, use these practices because readers respond to them. The impulse to scan is a good thing because readers’ impatience inspires economy among writers.

At the same time, people are mastering more kinds of writing. Other technologies that grew more popular this decade required a different mode of expression: Instant messaging invited a breezy, fast-thinking tone; blog comments (again, the thoughtful ones) sharpened our debate skills; Twitter enforced even more economy onto our words. In all of these, we were nudged toward something all writers aspire to: a strong, distinct voice.

Having a clear voice has grown more important on the web, where writers worry about brand-building, news sites grow interactive and blog posts resemble conversations. Some don’t regard texting and chat as writing, while others argue that they’re killing longer and more formal prose. Both notions are wrong. The informal writing we do on the web doesn’t supplant formal writing, it complements and influences it — and is influenced in return.

Not all of the Internet’s effects on writing have been positive. Many bloggers tailor headlines and posts so that they’ll surface at the top of search results, making them at once easier to find and less enjoyable to read. And this decade, a lot of other bloggers mistook a strong writing voice for caustic irreverence. But most eventually learned that writing with snark is like cooking with salt — a little goes a long way.

On the other hand, concerns about the Internet hurting writing feel overblown. Some educators worry that the Internet is making teenagers way too casual in their writing, so that they never learn more formal composition. I disagree. The best way to learn good writing is to write a lot.

Besides, language is always evolving, and a more conversational English isn’t a bad thing. “Writing, when properly managed…is but a different name for conversation.” Laurence Sterne wrote that in Tristram Shandy 250 years ago. Thanks to the Internet, it’s more true now than ever.

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Written by Rebecca Coffey

1 Hacker originally meant “one who makes furniture with an ax.” Perhaps because of the blunt nature of that approach, the word came to mean someone who takes pleasure in an unconventional solution to a technical obstacle.

2 Computer hacking was born in the late 1950s, when members of MIT’s Tech Model Railroad Club, obsessed with electric switching, began preparing punch cards to control an IBM 704 mainframe.

3 One of the club’s early programs: code that illuminated lights on the mainframe’s console, making it look like a ball was zipping from left to right, then right to left with the flip of a switch. Voilà: computer Ping-Pong!

4 By the early 1970s, hacker “Cap’n Crunch” (a.k.a. John Draper) had used a toy whistle to match the 2,600-hertz tone used by AT&T’s long-distance switching system. This gave him access to call routing (and brief access to jail).

5 Before they struck it rich, Apple founders Steve Wozniak and Steve Jobs made and sold “blue boxes,” electronic versions of Draper’s whistle.

6 Using a blue box, Wozniak crank-called the Pope’s residence in Vatican City and pretended to be Henry Kissinger.

7 Hacking went Hollywood in the 1983 movie WarGames, about a whiz kid who breaks into a Defense Department computer and, at one point, hi­jacks a pay phone by hot-wiring it with a soda can pull-ring.

8 That same year, six Milwaukee teens hacked into Los Alamos National Lab, which develops nuclear weapons.

9 In 1988 Robert T. Morris created a worm, or self-replicating program, purportedly to evaluate Internet security.

10 The worm reproduced too well, however. The multi­million-dollar havoc that ensued led to Morris’s felony conviction, one of the first under the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act (PDF).

11 They all come home eventually. Morris now researches computer science at…MIT.

12 British hacker Gary McKinnon broke into 97 U.S. Navy, Army, Pentagon, and NASA computers in 2001 and 2002.

13 McKinnon’s defense: He wasn’t hunting military secrets; he was only seeking suppressed government files about space aliens.

14 According to rumor, agents of China’s People’s Liberation Army attempted to hack the U.S. power grid, triggering the great North American blackout of 2003.

15 It took IBM researcher Scott Lunsford just one day to penetrate the network of a nuclear power station: “I thought, ‘Gosh, this is a big problem.’”

16 Unclear on the concept: When West Point holds its annual cyberwar games, the troops wear full fatigues while fighting an enemy online.

17 Think your Mac is hackproof? At this year’s CanSecWest conference, security researcher Charlie Miller used a flaw in Safari to break into a MacBook in under 10 seconds.

18 Cyborgs beware: Tadayoshi Kohno at the University of Washington recently hacked into a wireless defibrillator, causing it to deliver fatal-strength jolts of electricity.

19 This does not bode well for patients receiving wireless deep-brain stimulators.

20 The greatest kludge of all? Roger Angel of the University of Arizona has proposed building a giant sunscreen in space to hack the planet’s climate.

Bonus: 5 Seasons Of LOST in 8 minutes

Written by Jason

Not long ago I found myself making my first ever solo journey to IKEA.  Soon after making it through the entrance I was surprised to see the many similarities our modern culture shares with the ancient Romans.

IKEA is incredibly intimidating.  If you’ve ever gotten lost in a supermarket as a toddler, you’ll know what this feels like.  The first thing you will try to do is find your mom’s hand.  However, once you realize that you’re alone, panic will begin to set in.  Today we’re going to give you a run down of the 5 types of people you’ll more than likely cross paths with while you’re lost and wandering around this hell hole for several hours.

The Mother of 3

Armed with a stroller, a hand bag, and three screaming kids this woman is probably the most dangerous person in IKEA. Lack of English skills and funds won’t stop this young lady from her goal of finding a new bedroom set/playpen combo.  Unfortunately she’ll learn that bartering doesn’t work so well in this country, and will /ragequit out of the store at an even faster pace than she entered.

The Boyfriend Who Is Being Forced

The hardest thing about being a loyal boyfriend is the amount of ultimatums you’re eventually hit with. Let’s look at a quick example.

“Get rid of that nasty jersey”

“But honey I like it”

“Cool, no sex for you”

The boyfriend who was forced to shop at IKEA with his GF is in pure misery.  His facial expression matches that of a dog which has just been roughed over pretty hard, but didn’t quite die.  He’s sort of just waddling around with that “please shoot me” look in his eyes, all while contemplating if his old lady is worth the agony.

The Husband Who Was Lied To

The deceived husband was told that they were shopping for a TV stand and some racks for his power tools, but ended up in the bathroom section looking at the daffodil curtains that his wife waved in front of his face.  The defeated husband will teeter on the border of depression and rage until he drinks his pain away watching the late game on ESPN.

The Old Man

This guy is freshly retired and really doesn’t know what to do with all of his free time.  He’ll make several trips to this store for the breakfast specials alone.  After that he’ll sort of walk around aimlessly and try to find a way to be helpful.  He can usually tell you more about the product you’re looking at than the actual employees.

The Young Couple

The young couple has just made a big step in their relationship.  This pair of lovebirds is made up of one eager girl and one terrified guy.  While she is tugging at his hand, dreaming of a cozy living room and the possibility of babies, he is slowly feeling his hopes and dreams fade away.  The whole scene resembles something you’d see on “Crocodile Hunter.”  At first the croc will splash around being wild and dangerous, but once Steve Erwin is able to clamp those jaws shut, he pretty much just sits around in misery waiting for it to end.

Conclusion: IKEA has a website, I’d recommend using it rather than making a personal appearance.  Seriously, a small piece of you will die.

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Written by rtcrooks

The late 2000’s have given rise to some pretty annoying trends. Every new year brings the promise of change (no, not Obama’s kind of change) and with 2010 right around the corner, we can only hope that some of the awful trends of the past few years stay in this decade. As the year winds to a close, let’s take some time to examine 12 trends we hope to see die in the 2010. If you fell victim to any of these fads, then do us all a favor and slap yourself in the testicles — and resolve to let them go tonight at midnight.

Tired Reunion Acts

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There’s a reason why Limp Bizkit stopped selling records in the late 90s/early 2000’s. Call it a great awakening, but its as if the world finally woke up and realized that Fred Durst never had anything important to say, and the music community was better off for it. Unfortunately for us, Limp Bizkit, Creed, Vanilla Ice and a host of other wash-ups have begun dragging themselves out of obscurity and holding reunion shows. This may be the biggest waste of arena space since “WWE’s Sunday Night Heat.”

Uggs With Skirts

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Wearing snow boots with a miniskirt makes about as much sense as giving Lil-Wayne a guitar to dance around with — it just isn’t working out. Sadly, 2009 saw both of these pointless crazes come to be. Whenever I take a girl out to a bar and she shows up wearing this combination, I immediately begin to wonder if she went to college. (Yes, the fact that she’ll put out on the first night is a foregone conclusion). So, if it’s hot enough to wear a skirt and a tank top, there’s no goddamned need to wear blizzard shoes. Got it? Not only does it look ridiculous… no wait, it just plain looks ridiculous.

The Douchebag Look

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Just look at that man-boobed, ravioli-eating waste of a life….Is he wearing lipstick? her lipstick? Blame it on the Jager-bombs, but bars and clubs have been over run with douchebaggery the past several years. Strangely enough, rather than rejecting these hair-spray junkies, the world appears to have embraced the fake and bake fad and honored it with a reality TV show and countless comedic websites. We blame the show “Growing Up Gotti” for telling guys, “if you look like a juiced-up metro-sexual, you’ll get chicks.” Ladies, in 2010, just say no to douchebags and lets watch this fascination choke and die like the roots of their hair.

Agenda Pushing “Documentaries”

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The last few years have seen a surge of so-called “documentaries” by agenda pushing public figures. It all started with Fahrenheit 9/11, then slowly the world began seeing trailers for, An Inconvenient Truth, Capitalism: A Love Story, Religulous, Super Size Me, the list goes on and on…and on. More often than not, intelligent audience members can see through the so-called “facts” being presented and realize that these propaganda pushers are rarely out for the good of the issue. In fact, more often than not the only “love story” these film-makers have is with their over-bloated sense of self-importance.

The Hipster Look

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Irony is tired, why not dress like an adult? Every generation has fashion trends that they look back on 20 years later with shame and disgust. In 2000s, the “hipster” fad precisely this. Just think, this look will be remembered as the baggy Hammer pants of our age. It’s almost hard to decide whether hipsters or the Gotti wannabes look more foolish, but I think we can all agree that 2010 would be a much better place without fedoras, buddy-holly glasses and pastel colored pants.

The Snuggie

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Just when you thought it was impossible to innovate on the blanket, along came the Snuggie – a blanket with sleeves that has taken America by storm. Otherwise known a cotton nightgown/monk robe, the Snuggie fooled us all into believing that a blanket could be so much more. With ads that feature people wearing the damned thing to sporting events, one has to wonder what the benefit of looking so foolish is. Is wrapping a blanket around yourself that inconvenient? As if that weren’t bad enough, the company has recently released the “Dog Snuggie,” a Snuggie made specially for your pooch. The last time I saw someone try to put one of these on his pit-bull, the dog tore it to shreds, probably mistaking it for a giant chew-toy.

The Twilight Craze

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Come on, people. Let’s put the story about teenage vampires who want to love and be loved behind us in the new year.

FMyLife.com

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It was funny at first, but now it’s just getting pathetic. Everyone has a bad day, it doesn’t mean your life categorically sucks. Yet, ever since FMyLife.com because super-popular earlier this year, it has become impossible to log into Facebook or talk to people at a party without someone saying, “and thats when I spilled coffee on myself on the way to work! FML!” It seems the website itself has given people an socially accepted way for becoming whiney and annoying. And, I hate these people.

Reality Dating Shows

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Over the course of the last several years, the world has seen a myriad of tired reality dating shows. “Flavor of Love,” “Rock of Love,” “Tila Tequila’s A Shot at Love,” “Real Chance of Love,” to name a few. Every one of these shows has a common and predictable plot: Some washed up celebrity (or pseudo-celebrity) who needs to get paid again gets a bunch of no name amateur actors to come on the show and act like they’re in love. Embarrassing moments and alligator tears ensue until the ‘star’ finally choses someone to love (at least until next season! What a surprise!) Our dating lives cannot be so depraved that this is considered quality entertainment.

The Guy’s Emo Haircut

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Has anyone ever stopped to think about what this haircut does to one’s driving ability? With one functional eye and a stream of text messages constantly coming in about the next “super-sick local show,” it seems driving with this haircut should be a crime on par with DUI. Not to mention the fact that it makes you look like a depressed 12 year old boy who took to his hair with a pair of art scissors, but that’s beside the point.

Shutter Shades

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Note: Shutter shades are only useful in bars when you wanna make out with someone but you don’t want to have to look at them.

Facebook Causes

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What happened to the days when the youth would rally for causes and try to make a difference? Clicking the “join” button on Facebook causes is perhaps the most empty and meaningless pledge of support one can make. Yet it seems every time we log in we have cause invitations waiting for us from some self-righteous college kid who just heard his first lecture on world hunger. Here’s a thought: If you care so much about feeding the hungry, why not buy some food and give it to a hungry person? Apparently these Facebook cause-huxters have all the energy in the world to write long paragraphs about world tragedies, but asking them to actually get out of their chair and do something about them is expecting too much effort.
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Bonus:   It`s 2010. Now Where The Hell Are The Flying Cars?