Written by Steve DiCarlo

College relationships are a pain in the ass on both ends. But while there are lists all over the internet of things college girls wish their men did differently, there are significantly fewer websites which feature requests that college guys have for their women. Girls, hate to break the bad news, but you aren’t without flaws either. Here’s a list of a few things us guys want you to stop doing…immediately. If you want us to change… we expect you to follow suit.

1. Invading Our Privacy

That text your boyfriend just got? It was from his buddy Slappy who is drunkenly texting, whilst humping a telephone pole, outside of the local bar. It wasn’t from another woman. If you can’t trust your boyfriend enough to not ask him “Who was that?” or “Are you talking to that whore from your philosophy class?”, then it won’t be long before he is talking to that whore from his philosophy class. Not every call or text is from a girl, and even if it is, it doesn’t mean he’s fucking her. So seriously, stop asking.

2. Calling Us ‘Cute’

Puppies are cute. So are babies. But guys don’t want to be ‘cute’ – ‘cute’ is the kiss of death. It is basically saying, “Aw, look at you, aren’t you precious!” Why would we wanna hear the same thing from you, that our bat-shit-crazy old aunts say at family reunions. And for heaven’s sake, don’t call our dicks ‘cute.’ They hate that word even more so than we do.

3. Licking Our Ears

I guess I can’t speak for all guys on this, but come on. I’ll never get why girls think this is an acceptable form of foreplay. Ears aren’t cleaned out as often as they should be. Licking them might feel good for a few seconds, but then your tongue just tastes like earwax. Utilize your mouth for something else. There’s no earwax on our junk.

4. Sending Emoticons

Some girls think receiving hearts ( <3 ) and kissy faces ( ;-* ) in text messages is some sort of extreme turn-on for guys. It’s not. In fact, it’s fucking annoying. Use your words. Sexting is awesome (albeit complicated when you get those steamy messages whilst in the middle of a two-hour college class on political science), but only when done correctly.

5. Talking to Our Families Without Us

Every guy wants a girl he can bring home to mom…sort of. But no guy wants his girlfriend to have a better relationship with his mother than he does. Don’t send our families Christmas presents, or call to ask how things are going without consulting us first. This is college; I don’t talk to my parents and neither should you.

6. ‘Testing’ Us

Girls, don’t pretend you’ve never done it. You’ve all pulled the classic “Oh, it’s fine, we don’t have to hang out tonight. Go chill with your friends”, just to later be pissed about it. We’re tested enough in college; we don’t want to deal with that shit when we’re out of class too. Just tell us how you really feel – don’t expect us to know what you’re thinking at all times. If you’d stop being such a secretive, manipulative bitch, maybe we’d actually want to hang with you instead of our boys.

Bonus: Dear Boyfriend

Challenge accepted.

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