Collected by reddit

Smart girls like it when you make them feel pretty. Pretty girls like it when you make them feel smart.

When I was an angsty teenager, I sat up one night and talked with my grandpa for a few hours. He told me “I don’t care what your problems are, I know you have problems we all do. But the thing is, nothing I can do will fix your problems. Nothing anyone can do can fix your problems. You have to sit down, and figure out what your problem is. And then you have to figure out what you need to do to fix your problem. And then you do that.” It was so simple. But it’s helped me a lot, oddly enough.

Keep cool, never freeze.
I read that on a condiment bottle.

Another redditor once said, “Always go for the decision that makes a better story.”

I learnt this myself the hard way through many years of fucking up:
Don’t make any decision while you’re angry.

Always tell the truth, it’s much easier to remember.

Righty tighty
Lefty loosy

TRAINER TIPS:
If you want to avoid
battles, stay away from
the grassy areas!

Buy a plunger before you need a plunger
Alternatively
School without experience isn’t learning.

To impress a chick, helicopter dick.

Make sure there’s toilet paper BEFORE you sit down.

Keys, phone, wallet.

You can best judge the character of a person by the way the treat a waiter, maid, cashier, etc. Seeing how a person treats a stranger is the best way to judge a person’s character, particularly seeing how a person treats another human being who is “lower” than them in a social setting.

“Shared pain is lessened, shared joy is increased”. Spider Robinson.

never get involved in a land war in asia

“When in doubt, throw it out.” – because food poisoning sucks.

You can’t control how people act, only how you react.

Be best friends with your spouse, not just lovers.

You can never have enough socks.

Don’t forget to bring a towel!

This too shall pass.

“Don’t give anyone your best advice, because they probably won’t take it.” –Jack Nicholson
it has helped me realize no one listens to anything i suggest (including reddit)

No matter how hard you try, all the glitter won’t come off.