Written by gizmodo

Twelve teetering technologies: will they survive or die? MaximumPC rounds up its Dirty Dozen techs that they expect to die out by 2020—or at least come close. Here’s who’s on the chopping block.

You will likely disagree with some of our assessments. But you’re wrong and we’re right. At least we think we’re right. And if we’re one day proven wrong, hopefully you’ll have forgotten our bold stance and bravado.

And we’re not taking the easy route here either. We’re not calling for the death of obvious targets such as fax machines. No, we like to think we’re dealing with rather more controversial subjects, both on the thumbs-up and on the thumbs-down side of things. And if you opt to disbelieve us by buying into one of our doomed concepts, well, don’t say we didn’t warn you.

The Doomed

1) Pre-recorded Physical Media

As online connectivity, in either its wired or wireless guise, expands toward ubiquity, as data transmission rates increase, and as the proliferation of Internet-centric devices in our society continues unabated, there’s little doubt the Web will soon be the hub for all our personal electronic entertainment. How could it not?

Why then—if we can go online to get our goodies faster and with far less hassle, far less cost, and far less packaging—would pre-recorded physical media exist at all? We think it won’t.

The transition is already happening all around us. Downloadable music of course, but downloadable games and indeed on-demand gaming services too. Today, we find operating systems (Google’s Chrome) that live only in the Cloud, Blu-ray players that emphasize Internet connectivity, and recently-announced Netflix subscriptions that favour streamed over shipped movies. The list is long and it only grows longer with each passing day.

We know people who haven’t bought a CD or rented a movie disc in years. That will very shortly be the rule rather than the exception.

2) Stereoscopic (with glasses) 3D TVs

Wearing stereoscopic (3D) glasses in a movie theatre—where the environment is optimal, the screen is gargantuan, and the nerd stigma of the glasses themselves is minimized—is one thing. But at home, it’s a different story. Not only will you invest a ton o’ bucks on a 3D-capable television and 3D glasses for everyone who watches said TV, but even then the content, the quality, and the three-dimensional impact are lacking.

And one other inescapable fact—those glasses are a total hassle. If you already wear prescription glasses, they’re a hassle. If you watch TV while you’re doing other things, they’re a hassle. If you’re one of those who suffer from headaches or the eye strain that 3D glasses can cause, they’re a hassle. And they’re not exactly chic, are they?

Put all of this together and add a healthy dose of consumer confusion and apathy over the whole thing, and you begin to get an idea why 3D TV, in its current form, isn’t exactly taking the world by storm. Indeed, it’s struggling.

We humbly feel stereoscopic 3D TV has already passed its due date and is nothing more than a money pit for those who buy into it. Sure, the technology will continue to be with us for a bit yet, but the long-term prognosis is anything but optimistic. For starters, with pictures and prices that are better than ever, good old 2D TV is looking damn good these days. But waiting in the wings is an alternate – and theoretically superior – concept to stereoscopic 3D TV called “autostereoscopic” TV.

In autostereoscopic TV, eyeglasses are rendered passé and displays are ingeniously fitted with plastic lenticular sheets that refract light so each eye sees an ever so slightly unique perspective. Toshiba has recently released one such TV into the Japanese market and is set to flaunt larger iterations at 2011’s CES (Consumer and Electronics) Show.

Beyond that lies the promise of holographic TV, wherein fully realized three-dimensional subjects essentially “float” in the centre of your room (a la Princess Leia in 1977’s Star Wars). Sadly, commercially available holographic TVs are still a decade away.

Still, given the alternatives, the lack of content, and the convolution surrounding today’s brand of 3D TV, we can’t help but feel the end is nigh.

3) eBook Readers

There’s little doubt, even to the doughtiest doubters, that Amazon’s Kindle and its ilk are darned nifty innovations. A single electronic gizmo that weighs less than many paperbacks and is slim enough to slide in a jacket pocket, yet accommodates, at least temporarily, all the books you and everyone you know could ever hope to read? Sounds great, especially now that current models offer incredible battery life, awesome displays, and commendable ease of use.

So why are they on our terminal list? Because as good as they are at the job they do, that’s pretty much the only job they do. Like a standard pocket knife versus its far more compelling Swiss Army cousin, a Kindle simply can’t touch a tablet, be it iPad or something else, when it comes to versatility.

Granted, the Kindle in particular has all those job-specific advantages we just outlined, but given that the far more versatile iPad is already used by many as their sole e-reader, and that its bookish panache will only improve with time and future revisions, one can reasonably assume it will take larger and larger bites from the standalone e-Book reader market. And let’s not forget smartphones. For the casual reader who places more importance on portability and singular devices, they certainly suffice.

The standalone eBook reader won’t die quietly, but in this day of escalating convergence and the increasing capabilities of top-tier converged devices, its time is marked.

4) Consumer-Level Hard Drives

When it comes to the potential demise of the consumer-level hard drive, the question isn’t “if.” It’s “when.”

And, to a lesser degree, “what.” Like Julius Caesar, the hard drive, once the beating heart of its domain and certainly one of the most often replaced/upgraded PC components of all time and thusly one of technology’s better money-makers, is under attack from all sides.

The most obvious immediate threat comes by way of flash memory solid state drives. Sure, solid state remains a far more expensive per-gigabyte solution, but it’s also much faster and (probably) much more durable. Full-scale solid state adoption likely won’t occur until the price gap closes substantially more than it already has, but we’re talking years here folks – not decades.

In the meantime, don’t expect life to get any easier for the good old hard drive. Consider, for example, the explosive growth of ultra-portable convergent devices such as smart phones and iPads. Truth is that for many of us – particularly younger folks and/or those who can get along fine without the capabilities of a full-fledged computer – PCs, laptops, and the hard drives inside them are already prehistoric.

For this growing legion of mobile hipsters, hard drives never stood a chance. Instead, they eschew space-hogging operating systems in favour of Google’s “virtual” Chrome. They store their data on built-in or removable memory cards. And in many cases, they take full advantage of the Cloud.

Indeed, if flash memory, PC/laptop apathy, and/or the possible extinction of traditional operating systems don’t drive the final nails into the coffin of the consumer-level hard drive, the Cloud likely will. Amongst the big industry players, Cloud rhetoric is high. And certainly one needs only look at the sudden proliferation of server farms all across this country (Apple’s new North Caroline monster, for example) to see the physical manifestation of it is also alive and well.

Today, hard drives are crazy cheap. So too were floppy drives and HD DVDs as their expiration date neared.

5) Keys

Keys suck. They get lost, they get stolen, they’re annoyingly inconvenient if your hands are otherwise occupied, and they poke holes in your clothing.

This is no big revelation. Society as a whole has known for a very long time the degree to which keys suck. And until we banish them forever to the land of 8-tracks and wood-paneled station wagons, they will continue to do so.

Fortunately, that banishment has already begun. Several years ago, keyless residential door hardware first appeared in the retail marketplace, enabling homeowners nationwide to open their front doors without first fishing through all their pockets. More recently, push-button automotive ignition systems began their migration from high-end luxury vehicles to more affordable cars, in turn deterring theft, reducing the chances of locking those naughty keys inside a car, and making the whole entry and exit process easier even for us of less spectacular incomes. And of course there’s biometrics—a science that in many ways has already delivered us from old school security measures in all walks of life.

Having said all that, it’s also clear that weaning ourselves from the cold, metallic grip of our jagged foes won’t be easy while there are approximately ten bazillion of them in circulation. Still, if today you can enter your home, start your car, and gain access to your 30th floor office without ever using a key, can the joys of a completely key-free future be that far off?

6) Handheld Gaming Consoles

What if you devised a really good handheld game? A game so good that a handheld console juggernaut like Sony or Nintendo wanted exclusivity? Wouldn’t that be cool? Wouldn’t that be a great position to be in?

Of course it would. Right now. But what if it all went down a few years down the road, when everyone and their goat are walking around with whatever music player/camera/computer/phone/tablet gizmo that’s become the Next Big Thing? And what if this gizmo also played a ton of decent games? And what if all these people and goats didn’t want to be bothered carrying around a second gizmo whose sole purpose was to play a select few exclusive titles?

Such is the inevitable consequence of technological evolution. While phones and tablets and other assorted do-all goodies don’t currently have the jam to be true gaming leviathans, they’ll soon be good enough that that most game-players won’t care. And that, in the grand scheme of things, is what shapes the industry.

The Survivors

1) Digital Music/Media Players

The end of the reign of the personal music player was foretold many years ago, while the Sony WalkMan was still in its diapers. Too clunky, they said. Too niche. Too anti-social. Today in the world of the iPod, most of that reasoning has obviously dissipated. Still, the doomsayers won’t go away. Now, they tell us no one will want dedicated music players when full-blown media (video) players and smartphones and the like can do so much more.

We humbly disagree. Maybe we don’t necessarily want more. Maybe we prefer crazily tiny music players to larger multipurpose devices. Maybe we’re in the gym or jogging or otherwise cavorting in tight surroundings where chunkier devices aren’t nearly so appropriate. And maybe we don’t want the expense—both at the time of sale and via subscription—that more sophisticated devices bestow upon us.

We don’t deny that a shrinking standalone personal music player market is ahead of us. Convergence is certainly here to stay. But we don’t think the baby iPods or Clips are going away until they can insert chips directly under our skin. The sheer number of personal music player users is huge—too huge to see their device of choice go away like the Kindle will.

2) Landline telephone

Facing stiff, unrelenting competition from Voice over Internet Protocol (VoIP), text-based communications, and of course, the cell/smart phone, Plain Old Telephone Service (POTS) certainly appears headed for the virtual junkyard. And indeed, recent studies suggest that a growing number of Americans have or are in the process of abandoning their landlines completely in favor of one of today’s many alternatives.

But it simply isn’t that cut and dried. Landlines – at least corded landline phones – are a saving grace during prolonged power outages. They will continue to play a role in the business world and in large homes, where multiple handsets are common. Moreover, depending on usage, minimal-use landline rates are now comparatively cheap. And it almost goes without saying that the existing POTS infrastructure is absolutely mammoth.

Though to many a purely redundant technology, chances are the venerable landline will survive until we have a better way of dealing with the instances where it is most invaluable. And that’s a long, long time from now.

3) Internal Combustion Automobile Engine

Let’s get this straight right from the outset – the hybrid technology found in cars such as the Toyota Prius and Honda Insight is most definitely not the next major step in automotive propulsion. It is instead a gas/electric stop-gap measure that’ll carry us over to whatever technology gains traction in the immediate future. Fact is that many gas-powered cars – and many more in the 2012 model year if we can believe what we’re hearing from companies like Hyundai and Ford – run much cleaner than their old school gas counterparts and deliver fuel economy not far off that of current hybrids. And they’re a hell of a lot cheaper and more functional to boot.

So what does that leave us? Fuel cells? Maybe, and certainly Hyundai’s recent announcement that it’ll have a fuel cell-powered SUV by 2015 lends credence. But fuel cell technology is nothing new – it’s been with us for decades now and still has significant hurdles to clear, not to mention a still-weak infrastructure.

Battery-powered electric vehicles like the freshly unveiled Nissan Leaf may point the way to the future, but right now, with a 100-mile range between charges, the Leaf clearly isn’t the answer for anyone who drives appreciable distances. And what about Chevy’s much-hyped Volt? It certainly delivers a longer range, but it does so because alongside its battery is a – you guessed it – small gasoline combustion engine. That the miniature Leaf will cost you in excess of $30,000 and the Volt more than 40 large obviously doesn’t help with adoption.

There are, of course, other camps that propose other solutions. Indeed, there’s no shortage of proposed concepts, each of which is backed by a lot of people hoping theirs will one day be the ultimate internal combustion engine killer. And that may be the biggest obstacle of all. Do you select a given technology, only to discover several years from now that your chosen road is a very expensive dead end? Investing a few hundred bucks in Betamax or HD DVD is one thing. Dropping this much bread is something completely different.

We’re all for the greening of America and we’d certainly like to stick a shiv into the fat gut of Big Oil. But if we were choosing a car in the foreseeable future, the lure of a 40 MPG Hyundai or Ford or “clean diesel” VW seems a far more logical step than pure speculation. And that’s why we feel the internal combustion engine will be with us for some time to come.

4, 5 & 6) The PC, The Computer Keyboard, & The Computer Mouse

We lump three of the devices we feel aren’t facing obsolescence under one heading because, let’s face it, when they do reach their Waterloo one day far, far into the future, there’s a good chance they’ll do it in close proximity to one another.

Let’s first look at what is arguably the centerpiece of the entire technological revolution – the desktop personal computer. Rumors of its demise have circulated since the 1990s, when laptops came into vogue, and they’ll undoubtedly continue. But despite the rise of all-in-ones, increasingly capable laptops, tablets, smartphones, touchscreen technology, and a host of other mutations of the original concept, the desktop as we know it shall survive.

Why? For starters, because it’s really, really easy to upgrade and/or repair. Merely pop out the offending piece and replace it with something better. It’s also relatively affordable. Just try buying a portable system with the same specs as your box, and you’ll quickly discover the pain of financial withdrawal. And that gets us to our third point – power. Whether you’re a gamer, a videographer, a 3D designer, or anyone who truly exploits the CPU, the GPU, the memory, and the storage, the PC will long remain your go-to device.

The venerable keyboard and mouse, given all the alternatives bandied about in the media, would at first glance seem to have even less chance of growing old gracefully. But first glances, as any nightclub goer will tell you, aren’t always correct. Speech recognition, as potent as it theoretically is, won’t kill the keyboard for a long time yet because it simply refuses to evolve to a point where it’s truly useful. Touchscreens, as much as they’re currently touted in the mobile world, just aren’t the answer for those who use – really use – a PC. Does anyone really think leaning forward to access a touchscreen is a superior method of desktop control? As for projection keyboards, on-screen keyboards, and laptop-style touch pads, we have just one word. Puh-lease.

Sure, we hear how new gadgets are cool and how they’ll reshape this and that and give us all a fresh perspective on things. But in the end, when hard work needs doing or hard games need playing, the versatility, power, exacting control, ease of use, and yes, the familiarity of the PC and its major peripherals will win out for at least another generation.

Bonus: Simpsons — The XXX Parody

Written by teagueb

Okay, so we gave it a good decade before we started bitching…but seriously, people, we were supposed to be way ahead of where we currently are technologically by this time. We landed on the moon over forty years ago, and since then, we’ve been resting on our national laurels. Sure, we have computers and the internet, but those were advancements in porn delivery and massive timesuckery more than anything else.

Here’s a short list of all the stuff we were promised, decades ago. Get on the stick (and off Facebook) scientists and visionaries. The world needs a Tony Stark!

10. Flying Cars

Sort of the cliché invention of the future, but think of how much better traffic would be if we could use layers of “roadway”? Driving today is tantamount to every parking lot in the world being ground-level-only. This is something that would obviously require major infrastructure changes, but it’s something we’ve been promised since the 1950s. And it would make those undercarriage lights finally make some sense.

9. Teleportation

Better than flying cars: just make physical travel itself obsolete. Granted, there’s that pesky issue of the nature of the soul when you’re essentially breaking down the composite atomic make-up of a person, and re-constituting them elsewhere…but if we can get past that bugaboo, then we solve both transportation issues as well as one of the mysteries of faith. Bonus!

8. Food Pills

As The Jetsons clearly predicts, at some point we’ll all be eating small capsules that supplant normal meals, at least on a day-to-day basis. (Let’s assume that we still gather for real food now and then—which would make Sunday suppers, dinner dates, and holiday meals all the more special, right?) Think of it—an invention like this would potentially fix a multitude of issues, from food production to the obesity epidemic. Suck it, Jillian Michaels!

7. Renewable Energy

I don’t care if it’s solar, wind, or Slurm: the time for our dependence on energy creation by resources that we find but can’t create should be long over. No joke: if guns-and-god Americans knew just how much our continued dependence on fossil fuels has put us into debt to the Middle East, even they’d all be resentfully learning Arabic right now.

6. Sonic Showers

Normal people like to be clean, and shower at least daily. But who says it has to be water? Star Trek has long had references to Sonic Showers, which do the same (or better) job while not using up one of the precious resources of both the earth and a space-bound Starship: water. No word on what it sounds like to sing in a sonic shower, though.

5. Hyperspace

Either this, or Warp Drive, depending on whether your Star preference is Wars or Trek. Whatever you call it, it’s the ability to span vast expanses of space without actually having to live through the time that it would take to travel that far using normal velocity. We’ll need this to explore just our solar system, let alone to break out of the ol’ galactic ball and chain and see what else is out there.

4. Automatic Translators

And speaking of “they’re out there,” it’s tough to talk about possibly communicating with them when we can’t sufficiently communicate with ourselves yet. We don’t necessarily need a Threepio-type protocol droid for this (though that would be awesome), but don’t we have the ability to run translators for every known language on the planet yet? You’d think the UN would have had these years ago, instead of depending on human translators that could on a whim claim that the Ugandan ambassador is saying “May I mambo dogface to the banana patch?”

3. Force Fields

Think of how amazing this would be, especially if you could set it to keep out something specific, like pests, or weather, or drunken exes. Camping would be a little easier. So would personal defense. The only downside is that umbrellas would become obsolete, which sucks because umbrellas are pretty awesome.

2. Sexbots

We may actually be close to this one. Thank god for the Japanese, those brilliant kinky fuckers.

1. Really, Any Kind of Robots

Seriously, why do I not yet have a robot butler? Granted, they will eventually turn on us and kill us all, but frankly, I’d be willing to live with that possibility if I didn’t have to clean my toilet or make my coffee for a while.

Bonus: One year in 2 minutes

Bonus:Photo of German soldier Josef Schultz, after having dropped his helmet and rifle to the ground. Moments later he is executed by his fellow soldiers, because he refused to participate in the execution of jugoslavian partisans and civilians. This story of a moral man should be more known, I think.

Written by AN Jay

Wondering how to have fun with your iPhone? One obvious way is to play games on it. And here we are listing down Top 10 Evergreen iPhone Apps To Kill Your Boredom. Read on my list of top 10 free iPhone apps for your entertainment. Try them all out – they’re free!

You are welcome to share if you want to share more iPhone Games that our readers/viewers may like.

PAC-MAN Lite

Namco’s world famous arcade game, PAC-MAN, returns. Remember all the hours spent munching on the dots? Relive this classic! Chomp a Power Pellet to momentarily turn the ghosts blue. When they’re blue you can eat them for bonus points. Gobble up the fruit for extra bonus points.

Tic Tac Toe Free

Now you can play Tic Tac Toe on your iPhone or iPod Touch for free. Tic Tac Toe Free is the first full-featured, free Tic-Tac-Toe game for the iPhone and iPod Touch.

Solitaire

Klondike solitaire is the most popular solitaire card game in the world. The goal is to place all the cards in each suit in stacks of ascending rank.

BubbleFREE

The original Bubble popping app for the iPhone/Touch! Strangely addictive and fun game where you pop the virtual bubbles as fast as you can.

Checkers Free

Have you been searching for a free checkers application for your iPhone or iPod Touch? If so, look no further, Checkers Free is the premier free checkers application for the iPhone and iPod Touch.

SCRABBLE Free

You can play SCRABBLE on your iPhone or iPod Touch for free. It allows you to play up to 25 games against friends via Facebook + 25 more games against random opponents.

3D Pool Master Pro

3D Pool Master was very well received hitting #1 is many countries and now over passed 1M downloads world wide.

Line Up FREE

Line Up is a fun color matching game. Click on blocks of 3 or more of the same color, as quickly as you can, before they overflow the board. Get ready for a new challenge each time you play Line Up.

Paper Toss

Have you ever been bored at work, crumpled up a piece of paper and counted how many times you can make it in a small trash can? This game is oddly satisfying . . . much like tossing a real ball of crumpled paper into a metal trash basket. So realistic, you will think you are stuck in an office killing time.

Angry Birds Lite

Angry Birds Lite features hours of gameplay, challenging physics-based castle demolition, and lots of replay value. Each of the 12 levels requires logic, skill, and brute force to crush the enemy.

Bonus:In case of zombies, break glass

Written by craigslist

After a long chat about life, politics, and your future career in interior design, you asked me, a man nearly a decade your senior, something like, “What have you learned over the last ten years that you think I should know?” I offered some boilerplate platitude like, “Don’t limit your options because you never know where you’ll end up.” I’m sorry. I wanted to give you some real advice, but I was afraid of offending you. We spoke for a little longer, and I was building up the courage to tell you the truth, but before I could get to the good stuff your beefy bartender boyfriend (who stared at me menacingly the entire time that you and I spoke) whisked you away. Please accept the following paragraphs as the advice I didn’t give but should have.

First of all, your boyfriend is a fucktard loser, and if he’s the kind of guy you usually date you are in real trouble. I’ll admit he’s a good looking fellow: Strong jaw and big muscles, but he is also a moron and has two kids. Jesus, how old is he, twenty-five? And he already has two kids? What the hell are you thinking? Those little bastards aren’t free and if he mans-up to his responsibility he will spend the rest of his life broke. If he doesn’t man-up he is an even bigger loser and you should definitely drop him. I’m not saying you should get with me or anything, I’m thirty and bald and aware of my chances with the nubile tastiness that is you, but you live in a city chock full of universities and I’m sure you can find someone young, good looking, and smart enough to wear a fucking condom when he does the nasty.

Speaking of sex, you need to be careful. Really careful. Drug development is expensive and when big pharmaceuticals make a medicine for a disease it is because that disease is (1) very common; (2) bad enough that people are willing to pay $$$ to treat it; and (3) going to be around long enough for them to get their money back. All those Valtrex commercials you see on TV are telling you that lots of people have herpes. But you don’t know anyone who has herpes, do you? That’s because men who have it don’t tell their partners. You should be prepared for the worst. I’ve never had any STDs, partly because being bald makes getting laid nearly impossible, but also because I use condoms EVERY TIME I HAVE SEX. You should too. Just because you’re not willing to risk your health for a guy doesn’t mean you don’t like him, love him, or want to be with him. It just means that you have a head on your shoulders and some self respect.

Finally, about your career. Honestly, it really isn’t much of one. You live in the Bay. There are enough gay men around here to design and decorate every doghouse, outhouse, whorehouse, and courthouse for 700 miles. Every man you talk to knows this and we all mean to tell you, but you are really hot and humoring you is a condition precedent to licking and sticking your honey pot. Seriously, you really need to think more about exactly what you are going to do for a living because if you end up with Mr. Fucktard, or any facsimile thereof, you will likely be supporting yourself for many years to come.

Good luck and best wishes,

-The Short Bald Guy

Bonus:Dad at Justin Beiber concert

Written by John Colagrande Jr.

The Imperfectionists portrays a group of journalists at a declining newspaper and begs several questions: Is it truly the end of the print era? What happens to all the old timers just looking for a scoop? Can they adapt? Or will they rot at the merciless hands of technology?

The critically acclaimed debut novel from Tom Rachman answers these questions and more with hilarity, insight, and memorable characters. Join Rachman as he celebrates the release of the paperback edition at Books & Books in Coral Gables next Wednesday.

Here are a few more professions currently struggling or already in their twilight. Maybe one or two can have the drama, characters. and suspense needed to match The Imperfectionsts.

1. Photo Processors

Although companies like Tropicolor on AltonRoad rock, this is not the best career to get into with the rise of the digital age. However, this job does allow for looks at private pictures, creepy, and alluring to the average voyeur–remember Robin Williams in One Hour Photo. Definitely room for a thriller.

2. Video Store Clerk

Do video stores even exist anymore? Between Red Box and NetFlix and On Demand, this job is fading faster a Key West sunset. Anyway, not much drama in the pimply world of video store clerks. Maybe humor, but didnt Kevin Smith drain the concept?

3. Bank Tellers

The need for bank tellers has decreased with the rise of ATMs and online banking. Shucks, there’s even an app for depositing checks now. Still, maybe one can fantasize a suspense in the blahzay behind-the-scenes world of banking. Just maybe.

4. Travel Agents

Not much need for a travel agent in the digital world, although there could be a story here. A romantic comedy, with a little suspense. Think My Life in Ruins meets a John Grisham novel. The ensemble characters would make this one interesting.

5. Non-Profit Organization Staff

Non-profits continue to face hard times due to the recession. Charitable donations are down and endowment funds (sans the almighty Knight Foundation) are still in recovery from the inconsistent stock market. Imagine a science fiction / fantasy project starring a granola eating ex- non-profit worker who drops out of society (Babylon) to pursue his own utopian (Jah) village somewhere in Malyasia.

6. School District Employee

The recession is devastating all sectors of the economy, including education. Most local colleges, like FIU and MDC have been on a hiring freeze for a couple of years already. Easy to imagine a drama starring a laid off teacher collecting unemployment left alone with his kid after his wife splits. He’s drinking and down in the dumps when his life long dream of being a scientist or an inventor pays off when the big corporation buys out his patent.

Bonus: For some reason I find this the funniest of all the Courage Wolf pics. This is Baby Courage Wolf.

Written by regretfulmorning

I get shit on quite a bit by female readers (usually via email) calling me a sexist pig and what not for the “fat chick” and “dirty whore” jokes I make.  While they are mostly right, I need to point out that I love chubby girls. Yes you, chick who said I show nothing but “plastic bitches” on this site, I’m talking to you.

The reason “men’s entertainment” sites don’t show hefty women anymore, is because they aren’t in demand.Supply and demand. This site is 72% men, and in almost 3 years I’ve only had a handful of people make comments about liking ‘the chubbies.’   RM readers demand hot sluts with big tits, and I supply them.

Today however, I’m going to make my case for the larger ladies.  Yes you in the back row who can finish a Porterhouse steak, and clear a motherfucking swimming pool when you cannon ball, I got your back (or a fraction of it at least lol).

Not Afraid To Eat

It’s boring when you sit down at a nice restaurant and your date orders a garden salad.  Yea it’s cheaper, but if we weren’t ready to pay for a Filet Mignon, we wouldn’t have asked to take you out.  A big girl is likely to clean her plate (and yours) and have enough room for dessert.  Eating alone is no fun.

Less Likely To Be Conceited

Super hot girls who get hit on constantly, are stuck up beyond belief.  Comments like “Hey I like your hair today” get laughed at and grazed over.  They’ve also got entire cell phone full of guys who want to bang them.  That means, even if you do end up dating her, she’s liable to be getting drilled by 2 or 3 other fleshrockets at the same time.

Will Give You A BJ That You Won’t Ever Forget

Every single guy who read this and experienced it is smiling right now.  I asked my dad a few years ago “Hey dad, why do fat girls give better head?”  This is when he told me that they will work a lot harder to keep their man.   A model can get whoever she wants, so why perfect the art?  My dad is smart, so we’re going to use this as an acceptable answer.

More Durable

Do you ever like to wrestle around with your girl?  Maybe throw her in an armbar or choke hold while you’re watching a UFC event on TV?  Damn right you do, it’s fun.  Kinda like body slamming a little brother into the couch cushions when your parents weren’t looking.  Anyway, I have found that girls with a little bit of weight on them, can dish it out and take it too.  Sure they might be out of breath after 30 seconds of grappling, but at least they won’t cry about you messing up their hair.

Will Keep You In Shape

I don’t even know how to explain this next part without getting graphic.  You know how when you go down on a girl, sometimes you put your hands under her butt cheeks to lift her towards you?  Well, try doing that with a girl who weighs over a buck ninety.  It’s hard.  And if you look at your biceps while doing so, you’ll see that they’re getting all pumped up.  Are we on the same page yet?  A meal and a workout all in one.

Warmer When It’s Cold Out

It’s the winter time right now, and winter sucks balls.  Nights are long, unpleasant and nippy. You can remedy this with a girl that has a few rolls.  Let’s say your arm is cold:  Simply snuggle up behind her (spooning style) and slip your arm in between her chub folds.  Instant body heat.

Conclusion: Haters gonna hate, but I’m not one of them, and you shouldn’t be either.  I am also a firm believer in “Don’t knock it till ya try it.”  So gentlemen, next time you feel like shunning a girl at the bar because she weighs more than you will ever be able to benchpress, think back to this article and keep an open mind.

My beautiful girlfriend has just passed away, this was the last gift I gave her, and I want the world to see just how amazing she was.

Written by Stacy Johnson

Huffington Post recently put up a story called You’re Out: 20 Things That Became Obsolete This Decade. It’s a great retrospective on the technology leaps we’ve made since the new century began, and it got me thinking about the difference today’s technology will make in the lives of tomorrow’s kids.

I’ve used some of their ideas and added some of my own to make the list below: Do you think kids born in 2011 will recognize any of the following?

Video tape: Starting this year, the news stories we produce here at Money Talks have all been shot, edited, and distributed to TV stations without ever being on any kind of tape. Not only that, the tape-less broadcast camera we use today offers much higher quality than anything that could have been imagined 10 years ago — and cost less than the lens on the camera we were using previously.

Travel agents: While not dead today, this profession is one of many that’s been decimated by the Internet. When it’s time for their honeymoon, will those born in 2011 be able to find one?

The separation of work and home: When you’re carrying an email-equipped computer in your pocket, it’s not just your friends who can find you — so can your boss. For kids born this year, the wall between office and home will be blurry indeed.

Books, magazines, and newspapers: Like video tape, words written on dead trees are on their way out. Sure, there may be books — but for those born today, stores that exist solely to sell them will be as numerous as record stores are now.

Movie rental stores: You actually got in your car and drove someplace just to rent a movie?

Watches: Maybe as quaint jewelry, but the correct time is on your smartphone, which is pretty much always in your hand.

©Will D/flickr

Paper maps: At one time these were available free at every gas station. They’re practically obsolete today, and the next generation will probably have to visit a museum to find one.

Wired phones: Why would you pay $35 every month to have a phone that plugs into a wall? For those born today, this will be a silly concept.

Long distance: Thanks to the Internet, the days of paying more to talk to somebody in the next city, state, or even country are limited.

Newspaper classifieds: The days are gone when you have to buy a bunch of newsprint just to see what’s for sale.

Dial-up Internet: While not everyone is on broadband, it won’t be long before dial-up Internet goes the way of the plug-in phone.

Encyclopedias: Imagine a time when you had to buy expensive books that were outdated before the ink was dry. This will be a nonsense term for babies born today.

Forgotten friends: Remember when an old friend would bring up someone you went to high school with, and you’d say, “Oh yeah, I forgot about them!” The next generation will automatically be in touch with everyone they’ve ever known even slightly via Facebook.

Forgotten anything else: Kids born this year will never know what it was like to stand in a bar and incessantly argue the unknowable. Today the world’s collective knowledge is on the computer in your pocket or purse. And since you have it with you at all times, why bother remembering anything?

The evening news: The news is on 24/7. And if you’re not home to watch it, that’s OK — it’s on the smartphone in your pocket.

CDs: First records, then 8-track, then cassette, then CDs — replacing your music collection used to be an expensive pastime. Now it’s cheap(er) and as close as the nearest Internet connection.

Film cameras: For the purist, perhaps, but for kids born today, the word “film” will mean nothing. In fact, even digital cameras — both video and still — are in danger of extinction as our pocket computers take over that function too.

Yellow and White Pages: Why in the world would you need a 10-pound book just to find someone?

Catalogs: There’s no need to send me a book in the mail when I can see everything you have for sale anywhere, anytime. If you want to remind me to look at it, send me an email.

Fax machines: Can you say “scan,” “.pdf” and “email?”

One picture to a frame: Such a waste of wall/counter/desk space to have a separate frame around each picture. Eight gigabytes of pictures and/or video in a digital frame encompassing every person you’ve ever met and everything you’ve ever done — now, that’s efficient. Especially compared to what we used to do: put our friends and relatives together in a room and force them to watch what we called a “slide show” or “home movies.”

Wires: Wires connecting phones to walls? Wires connecting computers, TVs, stereos, and other electronics to each other? Wires connecting computers to the Internet? To kids born in 2011, that will make as much sense as an electric car trailing an extension cord.

Hand-written letters: For that matter, hand-written anything. When was the last time you wrote cursive? In fact, do you even know what the word “cursive” means? Kids born in 2011 won’t — but they’ll put you to shame on a tiny keyboard.

Talking to one person at a time: Remember when it was rude to be with one person while talking to another on the phone? Kids born today will just assume that you’re supposed to use texting to maintain contact with five or six other people while pretending to pay attention to the person you happen to be physically next to.

Retirement plans: Yes, Johnny, there was a time when all you had to do was work at the same place for 20 years and they’d send you a check every month for as long as you lived. In fact, some companies would even pay your medical bills, too!

Mail: What’s left when you take the mail you receive today, then subtract the bills you could be paying online, the checks you could be having direct-deposited, and the junk mail you could be receiving as junk email? Answer: A bloated bureaucracy that loses billions of taxpayer dollars annually.

Commercials on TV: They’re terrifically expensive, easily avoided with DVRs, and inefficiently target mass audiences. Unless somebody comes up with a way to force you to watch them — as with video on the Internet — who’s going to pay for them?

Commercial music radio: Smartphones with music-streaming programs like Pandoraare a better solution that doesn’t include ads screaming between every song.

Hiding: Not long ago, if you didn’t answer your home phone, that was that — nobody knew if you were alive or dead, much less where you might be. Now your phone is not only in your pocket, it can potentially tell everyone — including advertisers — exactly where you are.

___

Bonus:I am not buying my dishes from the dollar store anymore!

Written by CNBC.com

photo: Yutaka Tsutano

As the nation digs out from one of the worst financial crises in history, guess what is the No. 1 financial New Year’s resolution?

If you answered, “Get out of debt” — DING! DING! DING! — you are correct.

In a survey of more than 3,000 people, the National Foundation for Credit Counseling reported that nearly 70% said getting out of debt was their No. 1 financial resolution for 2011.

But let’s be honest with ourselves: We may go to the gym a few times, nobly order a salad for lunch and jot down “Check 401(k)” on a post-it note, but before the confetti’s even settled, we’re back with a bucket of chicken in one hand and the remote in the other, watching a marathon of “Ice Road Truckers” and buying bigger pants online, promising ourselves this is a one-time event because we’re working hard in the new year and dangit, we deserve it!

You want to make 2011 the year you stick to your resolutions? There’s an app for that. Several, actually, that will help motivate you, hold you accountable and show you the results — all the things behavioral experts say you’re going to need to make a real change. Check out these 10 apps for keeping your financial resolutions.

1. Mint.com (Free)

First and foremost, you need an all-in-one program like Mint.com that allows you to track your budget, your bills, your investments and your bank account no matter where you are. So no more saying, “I don’t know if I can afford that because I haven’t been home all week to check my finances!” It’s laid out in an easy-to-read format: You can see how much of your monthly budget you’ve already spent, your income vs. expenses for the month and the current value of your investments. It even links to Zillow to show you the current value of your home. It’s available for the iPhone and Android phones and has a security feature in case you lose your phone.

2. BillMinder ($0.99)

Juggling all of your bills and their multitude of due dates is no small task. It’s way too easy to miss a due date and wind up having to fork over a late fee. BillMinder is an easy way to organize, with a list of all your bills, the ability to check them off as they’re paid and a master to show when all are paid. Plus, a calendar view to show you your due dates. It’s available for iPhone, iPad, Android and BlackBerry.

3. Indeed.com (Free)

With so many people still unemployed, we’re adding a job-search site to our list of essential financial apps. Now, there are no more excuses for why you’re not looking for a job, or why you’re not looking for a higher-paying job! Having a job-search site on your mobile device, you can search for jobs from anywhere, whether you’re waiting to meet a friend for dinner or sitting with the kids on the couch. The Indeed app lets you search for any job anywhere, remembers your recent searches and shows you how many jobs have been added since your last visit. Available for the iPhone, iPad and Android.

4. SaveBenjis ($2.99)

Some of our parents were famous for driving around from store to store to find the cheapest price around for groceries and other items. But who has time to shop around these days? You do, if you’re smart and use your iPhone, not your car, for price comparison. SaveBenjis (You see, that’s funny because Benjamin Franklin’s picture is on the $100 bill.) is an easy to use app that lets you type in the product name and it will return stores (retail and online) where it’s available and the price at each spot. Plus, you can use the built-in barcode scanner to spare your precious fingers the typing time! It’s available for the iPhone.

5. Grocery Gadget ($4.99)

Speaking of groceries, there’s a lot of money to be saved right there if you’re organized, know what you want and don’t wander around the store aimlessly tossing things in your cart. Even if you make a list, you sometimes forget it. But not if your list is on your smartphone. Grocery Gadget allows you to quickly make a list, upload and share your list, manage recipes, search for e-coupons and check things off your list as you go. Plus, it also utilizes the built-in barcode scanner. And, it automatically syncs with every mobile device in your house, so you never miss a beat — or an ingredient! Available for the iPhone, iPad, Android, BlackBerry and Nokia phones.

6. Coupon Sherpa (Free)

First of all, anything with the name Sherpa in it is adorable — am I right? But more importantly, this cute-as-a-button app will save you money on the fly. You can search for mobile coupons by category (jewelry, restaurants, etc.) or store, find the nearest store location or save the coupon to your favorites to cash in later. At the register, just have the cashier scan the barcode on your screen and cha-ching! Savings. Plus, a bonus: No more crumpled up — and probably expired — coupons in the cup holder of your car. Available for the iPhone.

7. Buzzillions (Free)

What’s better: Plasma, LCD or LED? Is this a good brand? Save yourself the heartache — or should we say wallet ache — of a bad purchase by downloading an app like buzzillions, which offers millions of customer reviews at your fingertips. It’s pretty much a search engine for customer reviews. You type in the product and it will turn up a list of reviews, each with a rating out of five stars, five being best. Available on the iPhone, Android, Windows and Palm phones, plus the BlackBerry.

8. CraigsPro ($0.99)

OK, you’re managing your money, you’re saving money, now guess what else you need to do? Make MORE money. A site like Craigslist helps you find used items at a discount and sell items you’re not using anymore. With CraigsPro, now you can have that gigantic yard sale at your fingertips anytime, anywhere — and you can search multiple cities at a time. Say, when you’re rummaging around the attic, thinking “Huh, I should sell this and make some money,” you can look up similar items and find out how much you can make — and if you’re ready, part with it! Available for iPhone, BlackBerry and Android phones.

9. ATM Hunter (Free)

Stop wasting money on ATM fees. This free app from MasterCard allows you to search for nearby ATMs so, unless it’s an emergency, there will never be a reason to not go to your bank — and save the fees — again! Available for the iPhone.

10. Gas Buddy ($2.99)

With gas prices heading towards $4 a gallon just as many of us are getting our financial footing, finding the cheapest gas around is more important than ever. With the Gas Buddy app, all you have to do is plug in your city or zip code and it turns up a list of gas prices in the area, starting with the cheapest. You can add additional search criteria like fuel type and distance to the station. If you click on a station, it will not only call up the prices for each type of fuel, but also a picture of the station and detailed information like is there a convenience store, ATM, are they open 24 hours, etc. Plus, you can upload your own photo, report prices and show the location on a map. For the iPhone, Android and BlackBerry.

Bonus: Dog stole my sledge.