{"id":1074,"date":"2009-08-01T12:08:35","date_gmt":"2009-08-01T17:08:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bspcn.com\/2009\/08\/01\/the-5-toughest-questions-for-men\/"},"modified":"2009-08-01T12:08:35","modified_gmt":"2009-08-01T17:08:35","slug":"the-5-toughest-questions-for-men","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/2009\/08\/01\/the-5-toughest-questions-for-men\/","title":{"rendered":"The 5 Toughest Questions for Men"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Written by James S. Huggins<\/a><\/p>\n

1. What are you thinking about?<\/p>\n

2. Do you love me?<\/p>\n

3. Do I look fat?<\/p>\n

4. Do you think she is prettier than me?<\/p>\n

5. What would you do if I died?<\/p>\n

Here is the problem: If the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth), every single one is absolutely guaranteed to explode into a major argument.<\/p>\n

As a public service, I analyze each question and provide the possible answers.<\/p>\n

#1: What are you thinking about?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The best answer to this is:<\/p>\n

\n

“I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you.”<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which is, most likely, one of the following:<\/p>\n

a. Baseball.<\/p>\n

b. Football.<\/p>\n

c. How fat you are.<\/p>\n

d. How much prettier she is than you.<\/p>\n

e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.<\/p>\n

(Perhaps the best classic response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg: “If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!”)<\/p>\n

#2: Do you love me?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The proper response is: “YES!”<\/p>\n

If you feel a more detailed answer is in order:
“Yes, dear.”<\/p>\n

Inappropriate responses include:<\/p>\n

a. Yah, sure, you betcha.<\/p>\n

b. Would it make you feel better if I said “yes”?<\/p>\n

c. That depends on exactly what you mean by love.<\/p>\n

d. Does it matter?<\/p>\n

e. Who, me?<\/p>\n

#3: Do I look fat?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The correct answer is an emphatic:
“Of course not!”<\/p>\n

Among the incorrect answers are:<\/p>\n

a. Compared to what?<\/p>\n

b. I wouldn’t call you fat, but you’re not exactly thin.<\/p>\n

c. A little extra weight looks good on you.<\/p>\n

d. I’ve seen fatter.<\/p>\n

e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.<\/p>\n

#4: Do you think she’s prettier than me?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic:
“Of course not!”<\/p>\n

Incorrect responses include:<\/p>\n

a. Yes, but you have a better personality.<\/p>\n

b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.<\/p>\n

c. Not as pretty as you, when you were her age.<\/p>\n

d. It depends on how you define pretty.<\/p>\n

e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.<\/p>\n

#5: What would you do if I died?<\/strong><\/p>\n

This is the all-time, no-win question.<\/p>\n

(The real answer, of course, is “Buy a Corvette.”)<\/p>\n

There is no good answer.<\/p>\n

No matter how you answer, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:<\/p>\n

Woman:<\/strong> Would you get married again?<\/p>\n

Man:<\/strong> Definitely not!<\/p>\n

Woman:<\/strong> Why not? Don’t you like being married?<\/p>\n

Man:<\/strong> Of course I do.<\/p>\n

Woman:<\/strong> Then why wouldn’t you remarry?<\/p>\n

Man:<\/strong> Okay, I’d get married again.<\/p>\n

Woman:<\/strong> You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)<\/p>\n

Man:<\/strong> Yes, I would.<\/p>\n

Woman:<\/strong> (After a long pause) Would you sleep with her in our bed?<\/p>\n

Man:<\/strong> Where else would we sleep?<\/p>\n

Woman:<\/strong> Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?<\/p>\n

Man:<\/strong> That would seem like the proper thing to do.<\/p>\n

Woman:<\/strong> And would you let her use my golf clubs?<\/p>\n

Man:<\/strong> She can’t use them; she’s left-handed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Written by James S. Huggins 1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died? Here is the problem: If the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth), every single one is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1074"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1074"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1074\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1074"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1074"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1074"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}