Written by S.T. VanAirsdale<\/a><\/p>\n
![\"sex](\"http:\/\/lh4.ggpht.com\/_MsZb8mYFoCs\/S8DGUp-dKqI\/AAAAAAAAJFg\/IctkD0Dkh7Q\/s800\/satc2.jpg\")
Who\u2019s ready for the new Sex and the City 2<\/em> trailer<\/a>, which plunks Carrie Bradshaw and company right where you knew their destinies would always take them: Abu\u2026 Dhabi? What? Forget it.<\/em> Sometimes you just know<\/em> when something stinks, and I would sooner tattoo my eyelids than watch this effing thing. In fact, I can think of a million other things I would do before I watched a frame of this garish, overextended, ovary-tickling twaddle. For starters:<\/p>\n
1. Babysit Sarah Palin\u2019s children<\/p>\n
2. Inherit the killer-whale show at Sea World<\/p>\n
3. Suck the hairspray out of Donald Trump\u2019s comb-over<\/p>\n
4. Competitively eat, like, anything<\/p>\n
5. Lose my mobile phone<\/p>\n
6. Vacation at Abu Ghraib<\/p>\n
7. Live on the Staten Island Ferry for 30 days<\/p>\n
8. Have my own humiliating Family Feud<\/em> category<\/a><\/p>\n
9. Sit on my glasses \u2014 naked<\/p>\n
10. Spend an hour in a sleeping bag with Glenn Beck<\/p>\n
11. Dispose of the biohazard waste in Heidi Montag\u2019s plastic surgeon\u2019s office<\/p>\n
12. Gulp every last pill in Liza Minnelli\u2019s medicine cabinet<\/p>\n
13. Marry Dennis Hopper\u2019s ex-wife<\/a><\/p>\n
14. Lose my Social Security card<\/p>\n
15. Pogo-stick across the 405<\/p>\n
18. Eat a 48-oz. breast-milk cheeseburger<\/a><\/p>\n
19. Re-watch this year\u2019s Oscars<\/p>\n
20. Listen to the entirety of Lou Reed\u2019s Metal Machine Music<\/em> \u2014 on headphones<\/p>\n
21. Sleep on a bed of used NFL jock straps<\/p>\n
22. Convert The Godfather<\/em> to 3D<\/p>\n
23. Lick George Lucas\u2019s wattle<\/p>\n
25. Change the oil in each of Jay Leno\u2019s cars<\/p>\n
26. Direct Breaking Dawn<\/em><\/p>\n
27. Chew the head off Iron Man 2<\/em>\u2019s evil cockatoo<\/a><\/p>\n
31. Smoke a menthol cigarette through an asbestos filter<\/p>\n
32. Clean up after all of Sharon Osbourne\u2019s dogs<\/p>\n
33. Clean up after Ozzy Osbourne<\/p>\n
35. Be stranded in outer space<\/p>\n
36. Tumble down a flight of stairs<\/p>\n
37. Cancel baseball season<\/p>\n
39. Appear in drag on Chatroulette<\/p>\n
40. Dethorn the entire White House rose garden with my teeth<\/p>\n
42. Stare into an atomic explosion<\/p>\n
43. Convert to Scientology<\/p>\n
46. Reunite Color Me Badd<\/p>\n
47. File for bankruptcy<\/p>\n
48. Sequelize The Runaways<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n
49. Wash, dry and detail all the taxi cabs in New York<\/p>\n
50. Trust John Corbett<\/a><\/p>\n
BONUS: Why and How Men Cry
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![\"\"](\"http:\/\/lh6.ggpht.com\/_MsZb8mYFoCs\/S8DGtfF4GLI\/AAAAAAAAJFk\/D4yDgWJpli4\/s640\/MenShouldCry7.jpg\")
\nSource<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"