{"id":1653,"date":"2010-04-10T11:49:56","date_gmt":"2010-04-10T18:49:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bspcn.com\/?p=1653"},"modified":"2010-04-10T11:49:56","modified_gmt":"2010-04-10T18:49:56","slug":"50-things-id-rather-do-than-watch-sex-and-the-city-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/2010\/04\/10\/50-things-id-rather-do-than-watch-sex-and-the-city-2\/","title":{"rendered":"50 Things I’d Rather Do Than Watch Sex and the City 2"},"content":{"rendered":"

Written by S.T. VanAirsdale<\/a><\/p>\n

\"sexWho\u2019s ready for the new Sex and the City 2<\/em> trailer<\/a>, which plunks Carrie Bradshaw and company right where you knew their destinies would always take them: Abu\u2026 Dhabi? What? Forget it.<\/em> Sometimes you just know<\/em> when something stinks, and I would sooner tattoo my eyelids than watch this effing thing. In fact, I can think of a million other things I would do before I watched a frame of this garish, overextended, ovary-tickling twaddle. For starters:<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

1. Babysit Sarah Palin\u2019s children<\/p>\n

2. Inherit the killer-whale show at Sea World<\/p>\n

3. Suck the hairspray out of Donald Trump\u2019s comb-over<\/p>\n

4. Competitively eat, like, anything<\/p>\n

5. Lose my mobile phone<\/p>\n

6. Vacation at Abu Ghraib<\/p>\n

7. Live on the Staten Island Ferry for 30 days<\/p>\n

8. Have my own humiliating Family Feud<\/em> category<\/a><\/p>\n

9. Sit on my glasses \u2014 naked<\/p>\n

10. Spend an hour in a sleeping bag with Glenn Beck<\/p>\n

11. Dispose of the biohazard waste in Heidi Montag\u2019s plastic surgeon\u2019s office<\/p>\n

12. Gulp every last pill in Liza Minnelli\u2019s medicine cabinet<\/p>\n

13. Marry Dennis Hopper\u2019s ex-wife<\/a><\/p>\n

14. Lose my Social Security card<\/p>\n

15. Pogo-stick across the 405<\/p>\n

16. Move to Kyrgyzstan<\/p>\n

17. Wingwalk<\/p>\n

18. Eat a 48-oz. breast-milk cheeseburger<\/a><\/p>\n

19. Re-watch this year\u2019s Oscars<\/p>\n

20. Listen to the entirety of Lou Reed\u2019s Metal Machine Music<\/em> \u2014 on headphones<\/p>\n

21. Sleep on a bed of used NFL jock straps<\/p>\n

22. Convert The Godfather<\/em> to 3D<\/p>\n

23. Lick George Lucas\u2019s wattle<\/p>\n

24. Lose my wallet<\/p>\n

25. Change the oil in each of Jay Leno\u2019s cars<\/p>\n

26. Direct Breaking Dawn<\/em><\/p>\n

27. Chew the head off Iron Man 2<\/em>\u2019s evil cockatoo<\/a><\/p>\n

28. Handwrite all of the dialogue to every Police Academy<\/em> movie, up to and including Michael Winslow\u2019s voice-sound effects<\/p>\n

29. Adopt a Gosselin<\/p>\n

30. Own MGM<\/p>\n

31. Smoke a menthol cigarette through an asbestos filter<\/p>\n

32. Clean up after all of Sharon Osbourne\u2019s dogs<\/p>\n

33. Clean up after Ozzy Osbourne<\/p>\n

34. Lose my iPod<\/p>\n

35. Be stranded in outer space<\/p>\n

36. Tumble down a flight of stairs<\/p>\n

37. Cancel baseball season<\/p>\n

38. Yodel the Bible<\/p>\n

39. Appear in drag on Chatroulette<\/p>\n

40. Dethorn the entire White House rose garden with my teeth<\/p>\n

41. Raise pigeons<\/p>\n

42. Stare into an atomic explosion<\/p>\n

43. Convert to Scientology<\/p>\n

44. Lose my house keys<\/p>\n

45. Perform a bris<\/p>\n

46. Reunite Color Me Badd<\/p>\n

47. File for bankruptcy<\/p>\n

48. Sequelize The Runaways<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

49. Wash, dry and detail all the taxi cabs in New York<\/p>\n

BONUS:<\/p>\n

50. Trust John Corbett<\/a><\/p>\n

BONUS: Why and How Men Cry
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"
\nSource<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Written by S.T. VanAirsdale Who\u2019s ready for the new Sex and the City 2 trailer, which plunks Carrie Bradshaw and company right where you knew their destinies would always take them: Abu\u2026 Dhabi? What? Forget it. Sometimes you just know when something stinks, and I would sooner tattoo my eyelids than watch this effing thing. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1653"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1653"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1653\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1655,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1653\/revisions\/1655"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1653"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1653"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1653"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}