{"id":1715,"date":"2010-04-28T12:53:10","date_gmt":"2010-04-28T19:53:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bspcn.com\/?p=1715"},"modified":"2010-04-28T12:57:18","modified_gmt":"2010-04-28T19:57:18","slug":"the-top-25-simpsons-moments-quotes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/2010\/04\/28\/the-top-25-simpsons-moments-quotes\/","title":{"rendered":"The Top 25 Simpsons Moments & Quotes"},"content":{"rendered":"

Written by Prose Before Hos<\/a><\/p>\n

After devoutly watching the Simpson\u2019s for 15 years, I thought I\u2019d share my favorite 25 Simpson\u2019s scenes, quotes, and other miscellany sequences from the history of the show. The majority of the quotes from seasons 5-10, but feel free to add your own in the comments (and perhaps I\u2019ll expand it to 50 if a lot more get added).<\/p>\n

\"Bill1. Bill Cosby explains \u2018the rap music\u2019 and kids, all while including all his favorite corporate sponsors:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Cosby: Hey, kids! Meet Grampa Murphy.<\/p>\n

Child: We have three grampas already!<\/p>\n

Cosby: This one\u2019s a great jazz musician.<\/p>\n

Child: Oh, they\u00a0all<\/em> are.<\/p>\n

Cosby: Oh, oh: you see, the kids, they listen to the rap music which gives them the brain damage. With their hippin\u2019, and the hoppin\u2019, and the bippin\u2019, and the boppin\u2019, so they don\u2019t know what the jazz\u2026is all about! You see, jazz is like the Jello Pudding Pop \u2014 no, actually, it\u2019s more like Kodak film \u2014 no, actually, jazz is like the New Coke: it\u2019ll be around forever, heh heh heh.
\n<\/embed><\/object><\/p>\n

\"Homer2. Homer Learns About Taking His Side to the Press<\/strong><\/p>\n

Homer: Somebody had to take the babysitter home. Then I noticed she was sitting on [cut] her sweet [cut] can. [cut] \u2014 o I grab her \u2014 [cut] sweet can. [cut] Oh, just thinking about [cut] her [splice] can [cut] I just wish I had he \u2014 [cut] sweet [cut] sweet [cut] s-s-sweet [cut] can.<\/p>\n

Jones: So, Mr. Simpson: you admit you grabbed her can. What do you have to say in your defense?<\/p>\n

Homer: [looking lustful in a clearly-paused VCR shot]<\/p>\n

Jones: Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further. [paused shot of Homer grows larger] No, Mr. Simpson, don\u2019t take your anger out on me. Get back! Get back! Mist \u2014 Mr. Simpson \u2014 nooo!<\/p>\n

Over-Voice: Dramatization \u2014 may not have happened.<\/p>\n

3. Kang speaks volumes on American politics<\/strong><\/p>\n

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, 73-year-old candidate, Bob Dole.<\/p>\n

Kang: Abortions for all.<\/p>\n

[crowd boos]<\/p>\n

Very well, no abortions for anyone.<\/p>\n

[crowd boos]<\/p>\n

Hmm\u2026 Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others.<\/p>\n

[crowd cheers and waves miniature flags]<\/p>\n

4. Gas, the world\u2019s only unlimited resource.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Canyonero!<\/p>\n

Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down, It\u2019s the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown!<\/p>\n

The Federal Highway commission has ruled the Canyonero unsafe for highway or city driving.<\/p>\n

12 yards long, 2 lanes wide, 65 tons of American Pride!<\/p>\n

Top of the line in utility sports, unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!<\/p>\n

She blinds everybody with her super high beams, She\u2019s a squirrel crushing, deer smacking, driving machine!
\n<\/embed><\/object><\/p>\n

5. Homer doesn\u2019t want to deal with Grimey (heya Strech)<\/strong>\"to<\/p>\n

Marge: Homer, why aren\u2019t you at work?<\/p>\n

Homer: The car won\u2019t start. I don\u2019t feel very good today. I am at work.<\/p>\n

Marge: You\u2019re afraid to go to work because Frank Grimes will be there, aren\u2019t you?<\/p>\n

Homer: That\u2019s crazy talk. You\u2019re crazy, Marge. Get off the road!<\/p>\n

[honks horn]<\/p>\n

Marge: You have to face him sometime, and when you do I\u2019m sure he\u2019ll be just as anxious to make up as you are.<\/p>\n

Homer: No he won\u2019t, he hates me.<\/p>\n

Marge: He doesn\u2019t hate you. He just feels insecure because you\u2019re getting through life so easily, and it\u2019s been so difficult for him.<\/p>\n

Homer: Yeah, yeah, that\u2019s his problem, he\u2019s a nut! It\u2019s not about me being lazy, it\u2019s about him being a crazy nut.<\/p>\n

Marge: Well \u2026 maybe. But I bet he would be less crazy if you were just a little more, mmm, professional in your work.<\/p>\n

Homer: [gasps]<\/p>\n

Marge: Just a little more. Then he won\u2019t have any reason to resent you.<\/p>\n

Homer: I\u2019ll do it! [produces a bottle of Duff] To professionalism!<\/p>\n

\"picture-5.png\"6. That\u2019s it, I\u2019m going to clown college.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Emcee: And now, to help introduce our fantastic new burger \u2014 the one with ketchup \u2014 here he is, coming in by parachute: Krusty the Klown!<\/p>\n

[sound of Homer yelling, getting rapidly louder] [he smashes through the hamburger display; his parachute floats gently after him]<\/p>\n

Children: Yay!<\/p>\n

Homer: \u201cTo audience: I now proclaim this new burger\u2026for sale!\u201d<\/p>\n

Children: Yay!<\/p>\n

Homer: [sees emcee motioning, laughs like Krusty] [Homer does some inept cartwheels] Oh\u2026save me.<\/p>\n

Children: Yay!<\/p>\n

[a midget in a prison outfit and mask walks out]<\/p>\n

Child: It\u2019s the Krusty Burglar!<\/p>\n

Homer: Ohmigod! He\u2019s stealing all the burglars! Why you little \u2013<\/p>\n

[jumps Krusty Burglar, starts pummeling him]<\/p>\n

Emcee: Oh, Homer, it \u2014 it\u2019s all \u2014 it \u2014 it\u2019s all j \u2014 jus \u2014 just an act!<\/p>\n

Child: [crying] Stop! Stop, he\u2019s already dead.<\/p>\n

Emcee: Er, Krusty the Klown, everybody!<\/p>\n

[a few children clap; the rest are too horrified]
\n<\/embed><\/object><\/p>\n

7. Quintessential Moleman.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Audience: Boo! Boo!<\/p>\n

Burns: Smithers\u2026are they booing me?<\/p>\n

Smithers: Uh, no, they\u2019re saying \u201cBoo-urns! Boo-urns!\u201d<\/p>\n

Burns: Are you saying \u201cboo\u201d or \u201cBoo-urns\u201d?<\/p>\n

Audience: Boo! Boo!<\/p>\n

Hans: I was saying \u201cBoo-urns\u201d\u2026
\n<\/embed><\/object><\/p>\n

8. It still sounds better than Applebee\u2019s<\/strong><\/p>\n

Moe: If you like good food, good fun, and a whole lot of\u2026crazy crap on the walls, then come on down to Uncle Moe\u2019s Family Feedbag.<\/p>\n

Announcer: At Moe\u2019s, we serve good old-fashioned home cooking deep fried to perfection.<\/p>\n

[Moe submerges a whole tray covered with food, utensils,etc., in the deep fryer]<\/p>\n

[he takes the fried tray to a couple, who break off pieces and give him the thumbs-up]<\/p>\n

9. Set your clock to the jock\u2019s haircut:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Grandma: His wild, untamed facial hair revealed a new world of rebellion, of change. A world where doors were open for women like me. But Abe was stuck in his button-down plastic-fantastic Madison Avenue scene.<\/p>\n

Abe: Look at them sideburns! He looks like a girl. Now, Johnny Unitas \u2014 there\u2019s a haircut you could set your watch to.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Is my lip supposed to bleed like this, football star Johnny Unitas?<\/p>\n

10. Sideshow Bob explains everyone\u2019s hidden desire for draconian Republican politics:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Bob: Because you\u00a0need<\/em> me, Springfield. Your guilty conscience may force you to vote Democratic, but deep down inside you secretly long for a cold-hearted Republican to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king. That\u2019s why I did this: to protect you from yourselves.
\n<\/embed><\/object><\/p>\n

\"picture-4.png\"11. The Worlds Smartest Man: Larry Flynt<\/strong><\/p>\n

Council: Stephen Hawking!<\/p>\n

Skinner: The world\u2019s smartest man!<\/p>\n

Lisa: What are you doing here?<\/p>\n

Hawking: I wanted to see your utopia, but now I see it is more of a Fruitopia.<\/p>\n

Skinner: I\u2019m sure what Dr. Hawking means is \u2013<\/p>\n

Hawking: Silence. I don\u2019t need anyone to talk for me, except this voice box. You have clearly been corrupted by power. For shame.<\/p>\n

Homer:Larry Flynt is right! You guys stink!<\/p>\n

12. Vegetarianism is for commies.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Lisa: Wait Dad! Good news, everyone! You don\u2019t have to eat meat! I\u2019ve got enough gazpacho for everyone. [Crowd murmurs.] It\u2019s tomato soup, served ice cold!<\/p>\n

[Crowd laughs out loud.]<\/p>\n

Barney: Go back to Russia!
\n<\/embed><\/object><\/p>\n

\"Can13. Can you lend me a jar of love?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Krik: Oh, my demo tape!<\/p>\n

Homer: [Homer examines the tape] \u201cCan I Borrow a Feeling?\u201d<\/p>\n

[laughing] \u201cCan I Borrow a Feeling?\u201d<\/p>\n

[continues laughing] That\u2019s your picture on the front\u2026<\/p>\n

[still laughing]<\/p>\n

Kirk: Go ahead, Homer, laugh at me.<\/p>\n

Homer: I already did.
\n<\/embed><\/object><\/p>\n

14. The Infinite Power of DJ Robots<\/strong><\/p>\n

Boss: Look, our ratings are down, and the station is being swamped with angry calls and letter-bombs. And it\u2019s all your fault!<\/p>\n

Bill: Yes it is, ma\u2019am.<\/p>\n

Boss: This is the DJ 3000. It plays CDs automatically, and it has three distinct varieties of inane chatter.<\/p>\n

[presses a button]<\/p>\n

DJ 3000: Hey, hey. How about that weather out there?<\/p>\n

Woah!\u00a0That<\/em> was the caller from hell.<\/p>\n

Well, hot dog! We have a weiner.<\/p>\n

Bill: Man, that thing\u2019s great!<\/p>\n

Marty:\u00a0Don\u2019t<\/em> praise the machine!<\/p>\n

Boss: If you don\u2019t get that kid an elephant by tomorrow, the DJ 3000 gets your job.<\/p>\n

[Marty punches it]<\/p>\n

DJ 3000: Those clowns in congress did it again. What a bunch of clowns.<\/p>\n

Bill: [laughs] How does it keep up with the news like that?<\/p>\n

15. Candy Apple Island \u2014 what\u2019s there!??!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Karl: Hey, I heard we\u2019re goin\u2019 to Ape Island.<\/p>\n

Lenny: Yeah, to capture a giant ape.<\/p>\n

Karl: I wished we were going to Candy Apple Island.<\/p>\n

Charlie: Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?<\/p>\n

Karl: Apes. But they\u2019re not so big.<\/p>\n

16. Crab juice does sound better<\/strong><\/p>\n

Homer: Now what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?<\/p>\n

Vendor: Mountain Dew or crab juice.<\/p>\n

Homer: Blecch! Ew! Sheesh! I\u2019ll take a crab juice.
\n<\/embed><\/object><\/p>\n

17. I was personally spanked by both George Sr. and George Jr.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Homer: He spanked you?\u00a0You<\/em>? Bart Simpson?<\/p>\n

Bart: I begged him to stop, but he said it was for the good of the nation.<\/p>\n

Abe: Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions.<\/p>\n

Marge: Grampa, I know in your day, spanking was common, but Homer and I just don\u2019t believe in that kind of punishment.<\/p>\n

Abe: And that\u2019s why your no-good kids are running wild!<\/p>\n

[points at Lisa, who is reading quietly]<\/p>\n

18. Take the Zeppelin to Prussia, and say hi to the Bismarck for me:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Burns: Yes, I\u2019d like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?<\/p>\n

Post Office Employee: Uh, I better look in the manual. This book must be out of date: I don\u2019t see \u201cPrussia\u201d, \u201cSiam\u201d, or \u201cautogyro\u201d.<\/p>\n

Burns: Well, keep looking!
\n<\/embed><\/object>
\nI tried to find the actual video\u2026 but I failed<\/em><\/p>\n

19. Like Urkel!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Homer: The alien has a sweet, heavenly voice\u2026 like Urkel! And he appears every Friday night\u2026 like Urkel!<\/p>\n

20. You\u2019ve never had your pants grabbed off by friendly beavers?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Carl: Oh no! He\u2019s going over the falls!<\/p>\n

Lenny: Oh good. He snagged that tree branch.<\/p>\n

Carl: Oh no! The branch broke off!<\/p>\n

Lenny: Oh good. He can grab onto them pointy rocks.<\/p>\n

Carl: Oh no! Them rocks broke his arms and legs.<\/p>\n

Lenny: Oh good. Those helpful beavers are swimming out to save him.<\/p>\n

Carl: Oh no! They\u2019re biting him, and stealing his pants.<\/p>\n

21. McBain Explains Woody Allen:<\/strong><\/p>\n

McBain: Now, my Woody Allen impression: I\u2019m a neurotic nerd who likes to sleep with little girls.<\/p>\n

22. What is there to do without cable TV?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Announcer: Your cable TV is experiencing difficulties. Please, do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless.<\/p>\n

Wiggum: [checking under the covers] Well I\u2019ll be damned.<\/p>\n

23. Paddlings.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Jasper: Talking out of turn\u2026that\u2019s a paddling. Looking out the window\u2026that\u2019s a paddling. Staring at my sandals\u2026that\u2019s a paddling. Paddling the school canoe\u2026ooh, you better believe that\u2019s a paddling.
\n<\/embed><\/object><\/p>\n

\"portrait24. The man in the White House doesn\u2019t care about sexual harassment:<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cAshley\u201d: No, Mr. Simpson! A cat is a living creature.<\/p>\n

\u201cHomer\u201d: I don\u2019t care. [runs it over]<\/p>\n

\u201cHomer\u201d: Now I\u2019m going to grab me some sweet.<\/p>\n

\u201cAshley\u201d: No, Mr. Simpson, that\u2019s sexual harassment. If you keep it up, I\u2019ll yell so loud the whole country will hear!<\/p>\n

\u201cHomer\u201d: With the man in the White house? [laughs] Not likely!<\/p>\n

25. Sweet sweet Mooooon money<\/strong><\/p>\n

Royce: That\u2019s the miracle of the franchise. You get all the equipment and know-how you need, plus a familiar brand-name people trust. You\u2019ll be on a rocket-ride to the moon! And while you\u2019re there, would you pick up some of that nice, green moon money for me \u2014 Royce McCutcheon!<\/p>\n

Homer: No deal, McCutcheon, that moon money is mine!<\/p>\n

Bonus Clips:<\/strong> Homer socks Lenny
\n<\/embed><\/object><\/p>\n

The Blurst Of Times
\n<\/embed><\/object><\/p>\n

The Best Of Homer
\n<\/embed><\/object><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Written by Prose Before Hos After devoutly watching the Simpson\u2019s for 15 years, I thought I\u2019d share my favorite 25 Simpson\u2019s scenes, quotes, and other miscellany sequences from the history of the show. The majority of the quotes from seasons 5-10, but feel free to add your own in the comments (and perhaps I\u2019ll expand […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1715"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1715"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1715\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1717,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1715\/revisions\/1717"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1715"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1715"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1715"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}