{"id":2306,"date":"2010-08-16T12:39:33","date_gmt":"2010-08-16T19:39:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bspcn.com\/?p=2306"},"modified":"2010-08-16T12:39:33","modified_gmt":"2010-08-16T19:39:33","slug":"6-things-that-can-easily-replace-your-ex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/2010\/08\/16\/6-things-that-can-easily-replace-your-ex\/","title":{"rendered":"6 Things That Can Easily Replace Your Ex"},"content":{"rendered":"

Written by funnyordie<\/a><\/p>\n

1. Booze<\/h4>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

This one’s a no-brainer.\u00a0 The go-to, the classic breakup default; everyone does some serious whistle-wetting for at least six months after a real heart scrambling.\u00a0 But hey, there’s a reason the cliche is as alive as it’s ever been.\u00a0 Though you may be doing no good for yourself whatsoever, you’re about to write (what your soupy brain thinks is) the best screenplay\/song that’s ever been written.<\/p>\n

2. Word With Friends<\/h4>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

The iPhone app that took online Scrabble to a whole new level.\u00a0 Simultaneous, limitless games that have revolutionized the waiting room\/car ride\/morning dump experience.\u00a0 And there’s a chat feature–who needs a significant other when you can play all the mobile Scrabble you’ve ever dreamed of, and be able to smack talk your opponents?\u00a0 “Triple word score, suck it.”<\/p>\n

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3.\u00a0 Hot Pockets Side Shots<\/h4>\n

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You’re sick of spending the dough for organics. You’re sick of that expensive restaurant with “locally grown” ingredients.\u00a0 You’re fucking hungry and you want some food.\u00a0 Fast.\u00a0 Hot Pockets Side Shots; a microwavable, meal-filled bun that Dave Thomas probably thought of on ecstasy while banging his wife.<\/p>\n

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4.\u00a0 The Other Half of Your Bed<\/h4>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

You’ve been wondering what it’d be like to wake up, you know, comfortably.\u00a0 There’s another world on the other side of that mattress, and now it’s yours to take over and start your day without feeling like you just slept in a pack of Parliament Lights.<\/p>\n

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5.\u00a0 Netflix Watch Instantly<\/h4>\n

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Unlimited hours of TV and movies.\u00a0 For only eight dollars a month.\u00a0 And you can watch whatever the hell you want.\u00a0 No more trying to explain the magic of a great film because your date is too busy texting, no more arm falling asleep while you finish off the burnt popcorn, and no more fights halfway through the movie because of titties.<\/p>\n

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6.\u00a0 Porn<\/h4>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Yup.<\/p>\n

Bonus: How to Get Your Neighbor’s Dog to Shut Up<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Written by funnyordie 1. Booze This one’s a no-brainer.\u00a0 The go-to, the classic breakup default; everyone does some serious whistle-wetting for at least six months after a real heart scrambling.\u00a0 But hey, there’s a reason the cliche is as alive as it’s ever been.\u00a0 Though you may be doing no good for yourself whatsoever, you’re […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2306"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2306"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2306\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2310,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2306\/revisions\/2310"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2306"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2306"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2306"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}