{"id":3486,"date":"2011-02-08T18:37:55","date_gmt":"2011-02-09T01:37:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bspcn.com\/?p=3486"},"modified":"2011-02-08T18:37:55","modified_gmt":"2011-02-09T01:37:55","slug":"this-guy-totally-seems-legit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/2011\/02\/08\/this-guy-totally-seems-legit\/","title":{"rendered":"this guy totally seems legit"},"content":{"rendered":"

I DO ANYTHING (30307)<\/h4>\n

Date: 2011-02-07, 3:58PM EST<\/p>\n

Reply to: travis.broyles@gmail.com<\/a><\/p>\n

\n

My name is Travis Broyles and I will do whatever* you want me to do for less money than whoever you are paying to do it now.<\/p>\n

Below is a list of just some of the things I can do. I do want to stress that I DO ANYTHING so email me if your requested service is not listed here.<\/p>\n

Things I Will Do For $5:<\/p>\n

Stare at you for 5 minutes<\/p>\n

Give a hug to the person of your choosing<\/p>\n

Call you on the phone and seem genuinely interested for 10 minutes<\/p>\n

Draw your face on a balloon<\/p>\n

Sing Barenaked Ladies’ “One Week” from memory to the best of my ability<\/p>\n

6 minutes of copywriting<\/p>\n

Things I Will Do For $10:<\/p>\n

Write your new theme song<\/p>\n

Perform your new theme song on your voicemail<\/p>\n

Spin until I throw up or you lose interest<\/p>\n

Rename your Pok\u00e9mon<\/p>\n

Host a conference call with you and a person that you’ve always thought was cool but never really got the chance to hang out with, you know?<\/p>\n

12 minutes of copywriting<\/p>\n

Things I Will Do For $50:<\/p>\n

Break-up with your boyfriend or girlfriend<\/p>\n

Help you quit smoking (I’ll call you every day for a month and yell “HEY DON’T SMOKE”)<\/p>\n

Tell the person you like that you think they’re cute and what if you had sex together?<\/p>\n

Try my best to fly in a public place for an hour<\/p>\n

Make you a really great profile picture<\/p>\n

1 hour of copywriting<\/p>\n

Things I Will Do For $100:<\/p>\n

Tell your kids which one is actually your favorite, and what the others could do to improve their standings<\/p>\n

Fight someone much smaller or girl than me<\/p>\n

Email you a list of 250 things I like about you (need access to any and all social network accounts)<\/p>\n

Clean most of your house and apologize for the things I didn’t<\/p>\n

Deliver 5 fully cooked DiGiorno pizzas right to your door (5 mile radius from my home)<\/p>\n

2 hours of copywriting<\/p>\n

Things I Will Do For $1,000:<\/p>\n

Host an event (will not host anything racially insensitive, i.e. human being auction)<\/p>\n

Give a PowerPoint presentation on team building to your business and\/or extended family<\/p>\n

Rename your children<\/p>\n

Build you a cardboard car and make vroom-vroom sounds while you drive it<\/p>\n

Star treatment for a month (I’ll hide in bushes and take pictures of you)<\/p>\n

20 hours of copywriting<\/p>\n

Things I Will Do For $100,000:<\/p>\n

Yell your name every time I wake up for the rest of my life<\/p>\n

Change my political and spiritual leanings<\/p>\n

Screen all your phone calls for five years<\/p>\n

Recreate the best day of your life (or worst, whatevs)<\/p>\n

84 straight days of copywriting *BEST VALUE*<\/p>\n

If interested, email me at travis.broyles@gmail.com.<\/p>\n

*Prices and tasks are subject to negotiation. I will not murder or steal or perform a legendary murdersteal. No rapes, and the sex has to be unrelated to the payment, like “Oh, after you’re done cutting those trees down, do you want some lemonade?” but the lemonade means sex, mostly.<\/p>\n