{"id":3899,"date":"2011-04-28T23:59:13","date_gmt":"2011-04-29T06:59:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bspcn.com\/?p=3899"},"modified":"2011-04-29T03:18:08","modified_gmt":"2011-04-29T10:18:08","slug":"the-complete-guide-to-not-giving-a-fk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/2011\/04\/28\/the-complete-guide-to-not-giving-a-fk\/","title":{"rendered":"The Complete Guide to Not Giving a F**k"},"content":{"rendered":"

Written by inoveryourhead<\/a><\/p>\n

Ok, I have a confession to make.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I have spent almost my whole life\u2013 31 years\u2013\u00a0 caring far too much about offending people, worrying if I\u2019m cool enough for them, or asking myself if they are judging me.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t take it anymore. It\u2019s stupid, and it\u2019s not good for my well being. It has made me a punching bag\u2013\u00a0 a flighty, nervous wuss. But worse than that, it has made me someone who doesn\u2019t take a stand for anything. It has made me someone who stood in the middle, far too often, and not where I cared to stand, for fear of alienating others. No more. Not today.<\/p>\n

Today, ladies and gentlemen, is different.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re going to talk about the cure. We\u2019re going to talk about what\u2019s necessary. We\u2019re going to talk about the truth.<\/p>\n

Do you wonder if someone is talking shit about you? Whether your friends will approve? Have you become conflict-avoidant? Spineless?<\/p>\n

Well, it\u2019s time you started not giving a fuck.<\/p>\n

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FACT NUMBER 1. People are judging you right now.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yes, it\u2019s really happening right at this moment. Some people don\u2019t like you, and guess what? There\u2019s nothing you can do about it. No amount of coercion, toadying, or pandering to their interests will help. In fact, the opposite is often true; the more you stand for something, the more they respect you, whether it\u2019s grudgingly or not.<\/p>\n

What people truly respect is when you draw the line and say \u201cyou will go no further.\u201d They may not like<\/em> this behaviour, but so what? These are people don\u2019t like you anyway, why should you attempt to please people who don\u2019t care for you in the first place?<\/p>\n

Right. Then, there\u2019s Internet trolls. That\u2019s a whole other thing.<\/p>\n

Regular people are fine\u2013 you don\u2019t actually hear it when they\u2019re talking behind your back. But on the web, you do see it, which changes the dynamic drastically. They have an impact because they know you have your vanity searches, etc. But the real problem with Internet haters is that they confirm your paranoid delusion that everyone out there secretly hates you.<\/p>\n

Thankfully, that\u2019s not actually true. So the first noble truth is that most people don\u2019t even care that you\u2019re alive. Embrace this, my friends, for it is true freedom. The world is vast and you are small, and therefore you may do as you wish and cast your thoughts of those who dislike it to the side.<\/p>\n

FACT NUMBER 2. You don\u2019t need everyone to like you.<\/strong><\/p>\n

This stuff is crazy, I know, but it\u2019s cool, you\u2019ll get used to it. Here\u2019s the next thing: not only do most people not know that you exist, and some are judging you, but it totally does not matter even if they are.<\/p>\n

How liberating this is may not even hit you yet, but it will. Check this out: when people don\u2019t like you, nothing actually happens<\/strong>. The world does not end. You don\u2019t feel them breathing down your neck. In fact, the more you ignore them and just go about your business, the better off you are.<\/p>\n

You know when they say \u201cthe best revenge is a life well lived\u201d? Well, this is true, but it isn\u2019t the whole truth. A life well lived is great, yes, but it cannot happen while you are sweating about who your detractors are and what they think. What you have to do, what you have no choice but to do, is accept it and move on.<\/p>\n

So not giving a fuck is actually a necessary precedent to create a good life for yourself. It can\u2019t happen without it. That\u2019s why you have to begin today.<\/p>\n

FACT NUMBER 3. It\u2019s your people that matter.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ok, so you\u2019ve adjusted to the fact that most people in the world are barely aware of your existence, and you\u2019re also conscious of the fact that those who don\u2019t like you are in the obscenely small minority and<\/strong> don\u2019t actually matter. Awesome. Next you need to realize that the people who do care about you, and no one else, are those you need to focus on.<\/p>\n

Relationships are weird. Once we\u2019re in one (with family, a spouse, whatever), we promptly begin to take the other person for granted and move on to impressing strangers instead\u2013 say, our boss. Then, once we\u2019ve impressed our boss, we start taking him for granted too, and so on, in an endless cycle of apathy. It\u2019s like we always prefer to impress and charm the new than to work on what we already have.<\/p>\n

But these people\u2013 your champions\u2013 they understand your quest or your cause. They make you feel good when you\u2019re around them, make you laugh or make you feel like you can just be yourself. They make you feel relaxed or at ease. You\u2019ve shared things with them. They\u2019re important. Focus on them instead.<\/p>\n

FACT NUMBER 4. Those who don\u2019t give a fuck change the world. The rest do not.<\/strong><\/p>\n

So I\u2019m reading this horrible book right now by Stephen King called the Long Walk. It\u2019s a contest where people walk without sleeping or resting, and if they do stop, they are killed. (That\u2019s actually every Stephen King book\u2013 \u201cthere\u2019s a clown, but it kills!\u201d \u201cThere\u2019s a car, but it kills!\u201d etc.)<\/p>\n

I suspect this book is a metaphor for war, but it also captures perseverance very well. What it takes to move past anything is to simply realize that your obstacle is unimportant, and that it can be dismissed. This is true whether you\u2019re running a marathon or trying to get to Mars.<\/p>\n

If you dismiss the things that do not matter; if you remove those things from your mind and focus on what must be done; if you understand that your time is limited and decide to work now; only then will you be able to get to the finish line. Otherwise, you will be dissuaded into living a life you aren\u2019t interested in.<\/p>\n

Side note: You need to handle failure and obscurity better. You may be in a tough place right now where you feel lonely or like a loser. No worries, we\u2019ve all been there. But it\u2019s time for you to realize how common these things are, and that they\u2019re experienced by even the most successful and happiest people in the world. Those people get past them, and you will too.<\/p>\n

The eye is watching<\/h5>\n

You want to know something? This actually has nothing to do with anyone else. It has everything to do with you.<\/p>\n

I had a discussion with Jonathan Fields the other week that was about the use of swearing (and \u201ctrue voice\u201d) on blogs. I watched him on a Skype video as we did this, and I could actually pinpoint the moment where he was about to say \u201cfuck\u201d but almost stopped himself. It was amazing. So I called him out on it.<\/a> \u201cYou felt it just now, didn\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Everyone has an internetal eye. It always watching. It has been slowly constructed by society at large and by your friends and family, and it checks you for unacceptable behaviour. If you have had it around for long enough, you actually start to believe that the eye is you, and that you\u2019re \u201cbeing reasonable\u201d or some other rationalization.<\/p>\n

But the eye isn\u2019t you at all. It is a prison<\/a>, and you have justified its existence by obeying it. It\u2019s strong because you let it be strong.<\/p>\n

But the secret, the part that\u2019s amazing, is that it can\u2019t do anything to stop you, even if it wanted to. It\u2019s an eye. It can only watch. The rest of you is free to act as you wish.<\/p>\n

How to get back your self-respect in five easy steps<\/h5>\n

STEP 1. Do things that you consider embarrassing.<\/strong><\/p>\n

My girlfriend and I have been breaking in Vibram Fivefingers<\/a> in preparation for the massive walk<\/a> we are doing. Have you ever seen these shoes? They\u2019re amazing for you knees and give you no blisters, but they are the ugliest thing imaginable. Yesterday, I wore them with a sweet bowtie<\/a> I put on for Easter. I looked like a crazy person.<\/p>\n

As I said at the beginning of this post, I am deeply aware and can become quite upset by people\u2019s judgment\u2013 I think a lot of people are, but don\u2019t admit it. But as I walked by people in my techno-clown outfit, not a single person looked at me. Nobody cared, and it slowly dawned on me that even if people did look at me weird, they just walked by. Later, they would forget about me entirely.<\/p>\n

You must try this. Find your internal filters and break them, one at a time. Notice how society, like an ocean, smoothes over the waves you make<\/a>, until what you do gets eliminated, or becomes the status quo. Work with this.<\/p>\n

STEP 2. Accept, or deal with, awkwardness.<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s widely known that interviewers get their best material by being quiet and allowing silence to force words out of a politician or celebrity.<\/p>\n

You may be uncomfortable with silence. I know I still am. But I have been working on it and have to say that it is a much more serene state to be in than trying to cover it up with random babbling just to fill up the air. This is one type of awkwardness, a kind that you should feel comfortable about and learn to live with.<\/p>\n

Another kind of social awkwardness is this in-between space where you might have done something wrong or been wronged, but don\u2019t say anything. I\u2019ve been given a few harsh lessons in my time and come away realizing that the freedom that comes from talking about an uncomfortable truth is better than the comfort of avoiding that talk altogether.<\/p>\n

Someone told me recently that the Clintons\u2019 method for earning respect in politics is this: if someone pushes you, push back twice as hard.<\/em> This is much better than awkwardness. It\u2019s clear, it\u2019s not passive aggressive, and you know where you stand. Start doing this immediately.<\/p>\n

<\/embed><\/object><\/p>\n

STEP 3. Refuse boundaries.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The video above was taken in 1970, right when the Front de Lib\u00e9ration du Qu\u00e9bec had killed Premier Pierre Laporte and put his body in the trunk of a car<\/a>. Trudeau\u2019s \u201cJust watch me\u201d is one of the most famous phrases in Canadian political history. The journalists are trying to trap him into choosing on-camera between a safety\/police-state and civil liberties\/freedom but Trudeau refuses their boxes.<\/p>\n

The Liberal Party of Canada no longer has any balls<\/a>, but for us, there\u2019s still hope. Walk where you want to walk. Don\u2019t accept false choices. Don\u2019t let people dictate how you should live your life. Definitely don\u2019t listen to the eye.<\/p>\n

STEP 4. Tell the truth.<\/strong><\/p>\n

You don\u2019t need to be an asshole, but the world does not need another conflict-avoidant, evasive person. No one wants another individual who steps in line with everyone else. The status quo is doing fine without you, so it\u2019s up to you to call bullshit<\/a> if you see it.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t mind-read<\/a> either. Telling the truth means seeing the truth, not adding your own layer of sugar coating or suspected emotion<\/a> on top of it.<\/p>\n

STEP 5. Begin your new life.<\/strong><\/p>\n

This step can\u2019t happen without the others, but once you\u2019ve gotten here, you can safely begin to explore a whole new world\u2013 one where anything you do is fine as long as it isn\u2019t seriously hurting anyone else. Wanna explore old abandoned buildings? No problem, as long as you\u2019re ready to live with the consequences. Feel like hanging from hooks or get whipped by a dominatrix? Go ahead, but be safe about it.<\/p>\n

Once you begin on this path, you start to discover that practically everyone is capable of understanding the weird things that you do. In fact, it makes you interesting and worth paying attention to, further feeding into your plans of world domination, should you have any.<\/p>\n

But none of this fun can happen without you recognizing, and walking past, the eye. Doing this is a powerful act of control which builds momentum and makes you strong.<\/p>\n

Take back your self respect. Do it today\u2013 try it right now. Wear something ugly. Do something stupid. Tell someone the truth.<\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t fucking matter.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Bonus:Cats..<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Written by inoveryourhead Ok, I have a confession to make. I have spent almost my whole life\u2013 31 years\u2013\u00a0 caring far too much about offending people, worrying if I\u2019m cool enough for them, or asking myself if they are judging me. I can\u2019t take it anymore. It\u2019s stupid, and it\u2019s not good for my well […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3899"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3899"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3899\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3902,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3899\/revisions\/3902"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3899"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3899"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3899"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}