{"id":4088,"date":"2011-06-24T23:30:15","date_gmt":"2011-06-25T06:30:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bspcn.com\/?p=4088"},"modified":"2011-06-24T23:30:15","modified_gmt":"2011-06-25T06:30:15","slug":"how-to-be-more-confident-by-accepting-these-4-transforming-beliefs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/2011\/06\/24\/how-to-be-more-confident-by-accepting-these-4-transforming-beliefs\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Be More Confident by Accepting These 4 Transforming Beliefs"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is a guest post from Allison Nelms<\/a><\/p>\n

If you\u2019re like me, you have trouble feeling confident sometimes. Slowly but surely, I\u2019ve been learning how to gain confidence over the past few years, and I finally feel ready to write about it to help others do the same. Maybe calling these statements \u201ctruths\u201d sounds too bold, but I have chosen to personally believe in them out of faith, simply because it helps me. All attitudes in life seem to be like that \u2013 beliefs we choose to take on can either help or hurt us. My life has greatly improved from choosing to try out new beliefs and end old habits. If you want to know how to be more confident, please consider the following statements that I\u2019ve found to be extremely helpful in my own life.<\/p>\n

1. You can be your own best friend or your own worst enemy.<\/h5>\n

You might\u2019ve heard the saying, \u201cYou\u2019re your own worst enemy.\u201d This is often true \u2013 we tend to judge ourselves much more harshly than anyone else would. Try to give yourself a break! Instead of putting yourself down, build yourself up. You can be your own best friend by telling yourself the things that you would tell a dear friend or loved one. If someone you knew was going through a rough time, how would you support them? What would you say? Start doing these things for yourself. There\u2019s no reason why you don\u2019t deserve encouragement and support, so if no one is providing that for you right now, try to provide it for yourself.<\/p>\n

Example<\/strong>: Talking yourself through anxious feelings before a challenging situation:<\/p>\n

Best friend: \u201cOkay, I want to [talk to this person\/give this presentation\/go to this party], but I feel pretty nervous. I guess I\u2019m afraid of what kind of impression I\u2019ll give\u2026 But there\u2019s nothing serious to worry about. I\u2019ll probably do better than I think. It\u2019s worth a shot.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Worst enemy: \u201cOkay, I want to [talk to this person\/give this presentation\/go to this party], but I feel pretty nervous. Every time I do this, it turns out the same. I\u2019ll look [stupid\/lame\/ugly\/etc]. Why would anyone want to listen to what I have to say, anyway?<\/p>\n

<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\"HowPhoto by bingramos on flickr.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s pretty obvious, I think, which type of inner dialogue is going to hurt you. Trust me, I\u2019ve engaged in plenty of negative self-talk, and I still struggle occasionally. It\u2019s an on-going process. I know how hard it can be to break out of the habit of bashing yourself, but let me assure you that it\u2019s absolutely possible.<\/p>\n

If you wonder how it\u2019s possible to be your own best friend, consider how it\u2019s possible for you to be your own worst enemy. What are some of the negative thoughts you tell yourself? The fact of the matter is these are just beliefs you are choosing to accept based on faith, self-fulfilling prophecy, or some outside source. Fortunately you aren\u2019t stuck with these thoughts \u2013 it is possible to let them go over time.<\/p>\n

When you decide to start building yourself up rather than breaking yourself down, you will inevitably gain more experience that will strengthen you and build your confidence. One way to gain more experience is to consider the next new belief.<\/p>\n

2. Failure is all about perspective.<\/h5>\n

How you identify failure and what you do with it can greatly affect your confidence. You can either see failures as failures, or you can see them as experiences that didn\u2019t go the way you hoped or planned for. Failure can be such a harsh word. I\u2019ve only called myself a failure once or twice in my life, and I remember I felt terrible as soon as I said it. No matter what you decide to call it, what really makes a difference is how you process the experience and what you do with it. There are various perspectives you can choose to take on failure.<\/p>\n

Example<\/strong>: Using failure as a learning experience rather than a reason to discourage you from living freely.<\/p>\n

Failure setting you back: \u201cWell, I knew that was gonna happen. I\u2019ll never try doing that again\u2026 why even bother? I\u2019m a failure.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

Failure moving you forward: \u201cWell, that sucks. I feel pretty disappointed. But maybe [this wasn’t my fault\/the odds were against me\/it’ll go better next time\/etc]. At least I took a chance, which is better than not doing anything at all. I know what it\u2019s like to not try, and that doesn\u2019t ever feel good.\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Do you see how it\u2019s more helpful to use failure as a tool for your own success? Nothing great can come from giving up and calling yourself a failure. Instead, use perceived failure to your advantage. If you try something and mess up, so what? Did the world end? You might as well take it as a learning experience and opportunity to grow. When you can accept this idea, it\u2019ll be easier to acknowledge and act on the next new belief.<\/p>\n

3. Confidence will come from facing your fears.<\/h5>\n

Think about it \u2013 if you were already absolutely confident about everything, you wouldn\u2019t have a single fear! Confidence comes after<\/strong> you face your fears, meaning there\u2019s no quick and easy way to total confidence. The type of confidence you can have right now, however, is the kind that propels you to taking risks and facing your fears. There has to be some part of you deep inside that believes, \u201cI can do it<\/em>.\u201d Find this voice. You wouldn\u2019t be reading this article right now if that courage didn\u2019t exist within you.<\/p>\n

During my time in therapy, I\u2019ve come across some very powerful and inspiring quotes shared by my therapist and others that moved me forward and continue to today. I\u2019d like to share one that I find particularly moving and relevant:<\/p>\n

\u201cCourage doesn\u2019t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, \u2018I will try again tomorrow<\/em><\/strong>.\u2019\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Mary Anne Radmacher<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This is a popular quote for a reason. You will be more confident after you decide to listen to that quiet voice. Have the strength to face whatever makes you feel afraid, knowing that you will survive<\/em>. You could come out of the experience learning that you can handle the situation in the future.<\/p>\n

The things we fear are often dramatized in our heads. Did you ever get through an experience you feared and thought, \u201cThat\u2019s wasn\u2019t as bad as I thought it\u2019d be!\u201d? Remember that experience and use it to give you more confidence. Even if an experience turns out to be just as scary or even worse than you expected, that\u2019s okay. You got through it, and you should acknowledge that as a success regardless.<\/p>\n

As you face your fears more and more, the anxiety will decrease over time as long as you persist through it<\/em>. If you bail on the experience early, the anxiety can come back stronger in the future. The key is to persist. It can take some time for the brain to learn that these situations are not worthy of fight-or-flight responses. (Check back soon for an article on this concept in greater detail.)<\/p>\n

The thing about this belief is you have to act on it to gain confidence, and you will be more willing to act on it if you can believe in the next idea.<\/p>\n

4. You can\u2019t compare to anyone, and no one can compare to you.<\/h5>\n

This is a tough one. I would guess that this is one of the hardest concepts for people to accept, but once they do, it is life-changing. I admit that I\u2019m still learning to live by this belief today.<\/p>\n

\"HowPhoto by pinksherbet on flickr.<\/p>\n

You are an incredibly unique person, and your uniqueness is what makes you a valuable person. Everyone is valuable! <\/strong>It can be thrilling to imagine how truly unique every single person is. We all have different personalities, appearances, voices, perspectives, hopes, fears, and dreams. We come from different cultures and families. There are so many variables that make each of us unique, and that\u2019s beautiful. So how can we compare ourselves? It\u2019s one thing to say Bob is better at playing basketball than Bill, but it doesn\u2019t make sense to say Bill is inferior, or Bob is a better person. And that\u2019s exactly what we do when we compare ourselves to others and base our value on things like appearance and achievements.<\/p>\n

When you acknowledge your uniqueness and inherent value, you can let go of the need for others\u2019 approval to feel good about yourself. You can also let go of the pressure to meet other people\u2019s standards. It\u2019s difficult to do this, because it\u2019s become a habit. Most of us have been conditioned since our childhood to seek approval and meet certain standards. Acceptance from our parents, teachers, and friends could have come from how well we did at something, for example. Then as we grow older, we learn about societal values and the importance of wealth, success, and power. We also learn that other people have expectations, and combined with whatever type of habits and beliefs we developed as children, these standards can make us feel overwhelmed.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s important to realize that you don\u2019t need to meet other people\u2019s standards or gain their approval in order to be a valuable person. You already are! Don\u2019t get caught up in the superior\/inferior mindset \u2013 remember that you are unique and not measurable.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Summary<\/h5>\n

Try out these new beliefs and see how they work for you. Chances are the beliefs you\u2019ve been holding onto are dragging you down, one way or another. If you can start encouraging yourself, using failure to your advantage, facing your fears, and valuing yourself without comparing yourself, you will be more confident. I wish you the best with these new ways of thinking.<\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/p>\n

Do you agree or disagree with something you read here or want to comment in general? Please join in the discussion below!<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is a guest post from Allison Nelms If you\u2019re like me, you have trouble feeling confident sometimes. Slowly but surely, I\u2019ve been learning how to gain confidence over the past few years, and I finally feel ready to write about it to help others do the same. Maybe calling these statements \u201ctruths\u201d sounds too […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4088"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4088"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4088\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4090,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4088\/revisions\/4090"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4088"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4088"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4088"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}